“ONE” DOESN’T HAVE TO BE A LONELY NUMBER-Heidi McLaughlin

Being a writer can be lonely. But writers are privileged to have the passion and purpose for creating picturesque and compelling words that we hope will leave the reader with: “Wow, that was a great article.” However, being alone is not always good.

Even though this generation is better connected through social media and technology, it is ironic that today we are a society that is adrift and lonely.  In fact, many people after they spend time on Twitter, Facebook and Instagram come away saying: “Why is everyone living the life except for me?

In an article written on November 23, 2013 in the Globe and Mail, Elizabeth Renzetti writes: “In Vancouver, residents recently listed social isolation as their most pressing concern. More Canadians than ever live alone, and almost one quarter describe themselves as lonely.” She goes on to say: “A study last year from the University of California at San Francisco showed a clear link between loneliness and serious heart problems and early death in the elderly. Seniors in the study who identified themselves as lonely had a 59-per-cent greater chance of health problems, and a 45-per-cent greater chance of early death.”[1]

Loneliness is such an ugly word. It reminds me of sitting in the cafeteria eating my boring lunch and hoping some popular or cool person would come and sit beside me.  If I sat alone, I felt like a looser, unwanted and rejected by society. It is only human nature to wonder: What is wrong with me?  Strangely enough, it is soldiers who really suffer and feel alone when they come back from

battlefield.

Extensive research has been done in the past decade to establish that humans feel safe and are joyful and fulfilled when they are in community or intimately connected to each other. In an article in June 2015 of VANITY FAIR, called The Bonds of Battle, the author Sebastian Junger gives us startling facts about soldiers returning from war with PTSD.  Yes, the atrocities of war do cause anxiety, trauma and depression. However they are now discovering is that part of the PTSD trauma is perpetuated because the soldier is lo longer in the safety and reliance of community and camaraderie. The author says this: “Our society is alienating, technical, cold and mystifying. Our fundamental desire, as human beings, is to be close to others, and our society does not allow for that.”[2]

Yes, some days I am alone, but I do not feel lonely. There is a huge difference. Sitting at my computer all day is a choice and for the most part I find it rewarding. It is up to you and me to make that determined effort to get up and go out to interact with other people. God designed us to be lovingly connected to each other. In the Bible there are thirty-six “one another” principles that guide us as to how we can be connected:  Here are just a few to show us how we can help each other and find fulfillment:

1.              Be kind to one another (Ephesians 4:32).

2.              Serve one another (Galatians 5:13).

3.              Comfort one another (1 Thessalonians 4:18).

4.              Be hospitable to one another (1 Peter 4:9).

5.              Encourage one another (1 Thessalonians 5:11).

6.              Greet one another (Romans 16:16).

7.              Pray for one another (James 5:16).

8.              Care for one another (1 Corinthians 12:25-26).

Being lonely may seem crippling at times and just saying: “Get out there and connect with other people” may seem daunting to some people.  The first step is to admit to the loneliness and be determined to change it. Take small steps to smile at other people. Make eye contact, greet someone and ask: “Are you having a good day?” Do something kind. Ask a question. Put an arm around someone. Drop off a cup of coffee. Pick a flower and pass it along. Sit on a bench and start talking to someone. Join a book club. Have someone over for a cup of soup.

“One” doesn’t have to be a lonely number if we are willing to step out of our comfort zone and reach out. Ask God to help you. I know He will.

Heidi McLaughlin lives in the beautiful vineyards of the Okanagan Valley in Kelowna, British Columbia. She is married to Pastor Jack and they have a wonderful, eclectic blended family of 5 children and 9 grandchildren. When Heidi is not working, she loves to curl up with a great book, or golf and laugh with her husband and special friends. You can reach her at: www.heartconnection.ca

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[1] www.theglobeandmail.com/life/life-of-solitude-a-loneless-crisis-is-looming/article

[2] VANITY FAIR, The Bonds of Battle, Sebastian Junger, June, 2015, p. 142

“Smart” Communication, or Isolation? -- Peter Black

The unveiling of the long-awaited new generation – and hoped-for company saviour – of the Blackberry smartphone is all the buzz at the time of my writing. Optimistic pros and pessimistic cons as to its likely or unlikely success range widely. Only time will tell. This reminded me of some musings I had a while back.

A smartphone rippled its signal. The man thumbed it and scanned the screen. It was a text message. He closed it and yelled, “If you wanna tell me something, young lady, you come here and talk t’me!” Ten seconds later a teenager appeared and delivered her message, face to face with her dad.

Technology has its place, but is by nature disruptive. Continually evolving with extreme rapidity, “smart” technology is far-reaching. Offering unprecedented ease of communication, it provides instantaneous interaction with people on the other side of the globe. That’s great. But it is also so far-reaching that it plays into social interaction, makes inroads into privacy, intrudes into family dynamics and takes over relational time and space, even among people dwelling under the same roof. 

At present I have a mobile phone but not a smartphone. Not surprising, since I – being the dinosaur that I am – use email by desktop computer and land phone to connect long distance with friends and family, some of whom I haven’t seen for years or who live far away or abroad.

There’s no doubt, online social networks bring people together (I'm on several), but the potential to isolate is ever present. For example: the teenager who’s holed up in his room, endlessly surfing the internet or interacting with other buddies (and God knows what he is viewing and what influences he’s exposed to that may be shaping his values). 

 Or, consider the person who can hardly go from the kitchen to the bathroom, bedroom or basement without messaging her girlfriends to share the moment by moment trivia of what she’s doing and thinking; or, the guy tapping out a text message over the steering wheel, his eyes off the road and boring down on his smartphone. Dangerous, irresponsible, and not so smart!

Is this a rant? Not quite . . . mebbe close. Perhaps you too, have experienced both the benefit and the bane of technology in its ability to connect, communicate and foster meaningful relationships, as well as its potential to divide and isolate.

Prayer has been, and I believe always will be, an effective avenue for connecting and adjusting one’s relation with God and with oneself. A fruit of that is an enhanced ability to relate to others more effectively than we otherwise would. When prayer becomes a constant way of life, communication happens. We sense our dependency on God our Heavenly Father and Creator, and this sharpens our perspective on our personhood and the significance of our life; we know we belong, even if others shut us out.

I’m sure that nothing affords relationship, belonging and a home for the soul, as can be found in communion with God, through prayer.

Let us approach Him then, in prayer, with a grateful heart, in the name of Jesus Christ His Son. We are invited through prayer to confess our faults and failings and our sins, and also to praise God for His goodness, while giving thanks for His mercies. This can position us to receive grace, and bring heaven near, even to our souls.

P.S. Hmm. Maybe I could get the hang of that latest Blackberry -- if I really had to!  :)                     

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Peter A. Black is a freelance writer in Southwestern Ontario, and author of “Parables from the Pond” – a children's / family book." His inspirational column, P-Pep! appears weekly in The Guide-Advocate. His articles have appeared in 50 Plus Contact and testimony, and several newspapers in Ontario.