“ONE” DOESN’T HAVE TO BE A LONELY NUMBER-Heidi McLaughlin

Being a writer can be lonely. But writers are privileged to have the passion and purpose for creating picturesque and compelling words that we hope will leave the reader with: “Wow, that was a great article.” However, being alone is not always good.

Even though this generation is better connected through social media and technology, it is ironic that today we are a society that is adrift and lonely.  In fact, many people after they spend time on Twitter, Facebook and Instagram come away saying: “Why is everyone living the life except for me?

In an article written on November 23, 2013 in the Globe and Mail, Elizabeth Renzetti writes: “In Vancouver, residents recently listed social isolation as their most pressing concern. More Canadians than ever live alone, and almost one quarter describe themselves as lonely.” She goes on to say: “A study last year from the University of California at San Francisco showed a clear link between loneliness and serious heart problems and early death in the elderly. Seniors in the study who identified themselves as lonely had a 59-per-cent greater chance of health problems, and a 45-per-cent greater chance of early death.”[1]

Loneliness is such an ugly word. It reminds me of sitting in the cafeteria eating my boring lunch and hoping some popular or cool person would come and sit beside me.  If I sat alone, I felt like a looser, unwanted and rejected by society. It is only human nature to wonder: What is wrong with me?  Strangely enough, it is soldiers who really suffer and feel alone when they come back from

battlefield.

Extensive research has been done in the past decade to establish that humans feel safe and are joyful and fulfilled when they are in community or intimately connected to each other. In an article in June 2015 of VANITY FAIR, called The Bonds of Battle, the author Sebastian Junger gives us startling facts about soldiers returning from war with PTSD.  Yes, the atrocities of war do cause anxiety, trauma and depression. However they are now discovering is that part of the PTSD trauma is perpetuated because the soldier is lo longer in the safety and reliance of community and camaraderie. The author says this: “Our society is alienating, technical, cold and mystifying. Our fundamental desire, as human beings, is to be close to others, and our society does not allow for that.”[2]

Yes, some days I am alone, but I do not feel lonely. There is a huge difference. Sitting at my computer all day is a choice and for the most part I find it rewarding. It is up to you and me to make that determined effort to get up and go out to interact with other people. God designed us to be lovingly connected to each other. In the Bible there are thirty-six “one another” principles that guide us as to how we can be connected:  Here are just a few to show us how we can help each other and find fulfillment:

1.              Be kind to one another (Ephesians 4:32).

2.              Serve one another (Galatians 5:13).

3.              Comfort one another (1 Thessalonians 4:18).

4.              Be hospitable to one another (1 Peter 4:9).

5.              Encourage one another (1 Thessalonians 5:11).

6.              Greet one another (Romans 16:16).

7.              Pray for one another (James 5:16).

8.              Care for one another (1 Corinthians 12:25-26).

Being lonely may seem crippling at times and just saying: “Get out there and connect with other people” may seem daunting to some people.  The first step is to admit to the loneliness and be determined to change it. Take small steps to smile at other people. Make eye contact, greet someone and ask: “Are you having a good day?” Do something kind. Ask a question. Put an arm around someone. Drop off a cup of coffee. Pick a flower and pass it along. Sit on a bench and start talking to someone. Join a book club. Have someone over for a cup of soup.

“One” doesn’t have to be a lonely number if we are willing to step out of our comfort zone and reach out. Ask God to help you. I know He will.

Heidi McLaughlin lives in the beautiful vineyards of the Okanagan Valley in Kelowna, British Columbia. She is married to Pastor Jack and they have a wonderful, eclectic blended family of 5 children and 9 grandchildren. When Heidi is not working, she loves to curl up with a great book, or golf and laugh with her husband and special friends. You can reach her at: www.heartconnection.ca

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[1] www.theglobeandmail.com/life/life-of-solitude-a-loneless-crisis-is-looming/article

[2] VANITY FAIR, The Bonds of Battle, Sebastian Junger, June, 2015, p. 142

Joining Hearts

The phone rang while I was sorting through a mountian of emails. However, its incessant tones shoved its elbow in my ribs and I turned and picked it up. My irritated "hello!" blasted into the receiver.

"Hello?" I heard in a soft voice.

"Yes?" I answered.

"Is this Kathie Chiu?"
"Yes, this is Kathie Chiu. How can I help you?" I asked, trying to tighten up my filter and put on my polite voice.

"This is Wilma, and I think you and I have a lot in common," she stated.

What happened next was a wonderful, God led conversation that made the day for both of us I suspect. You see, Wilma had read my piece in the Spiritually Speaking column of our newspaper, the Times Colonist here in Victoria. I had written about what it's like to live with a chronis illness and somehow, the words formed from my thoughts, travelled through my fingers to the printed word in a local newspaper where her eyes landed on them, miraculously transporting them straight to her heart.

As writers who are Christian we have the enormous privilge of entering into the lives of our readers in a way no one really understands. I'm not sure if you've ever experienced someone coming up to you after recognizing your name from your writing - they speak to you as if they know you. Depending on how much of your heart and your life you leave on the page determines the level of "knowing" your reader has of you.

I'm a 'bare it all' kind of writer who feels that a life shared is a life lived a little bit more authentically. I choose to be vulnerable, open heart, open life.  My column in our organizations monthly magazine, The Salvationist, always has a piece of me on the page. In Wima's case, she had read about my struggle with chronic illness and how deeply in despair I sometimes am from the constant struggle to continue moving, talking, keeping a positive attitude and generally not letting the world see what is going on underneath the facade. She identified with me on a level of understanding that someone without that particular struggle would have.


Kathie Chiu is the Executive Director
at The Salvation Army Victoria ARC

   She blogs over at www.kathiechiu.com

Other times I talk about the struggles with family, church, life in general - and everyone struggles with something. Everyone has human needs we can all identify with. I write about the happy times, the blessed times, the angry times. Sometimes my filter is like a sieve and other times - well no, my filter is usually on like a open faucet!
So, I challenge you to leave piece of you on the page. Let those pieces multiply into a living breathing word that penetrates the hearts of the reader. Don't worry about losing a part of yourself, for in the giving there is great receiving, a blessing unconceivable to the human mind. That is how wonderful our God is. No matter whether we mention Him or not, His image will reveal itself as we join hearts with our readers.

grace... Kathie

Share your life—if necessary use Facebook--Gibson

I don’t use Facebook much. I post my weekly newspaper columns and when I have time, I jot a few notes to others. Rarely do I share more. But then, ordinarily I sit DOWN to breakfast, not ON my breakfast.

I’m talking more than semantics here, understand.

In my defense: everyone knows that few things can jigger a smooth curve of productivity like a snow day—or several. In the previous two days, a storm had dumped almost two feet of snow over my dot on the province.

I spent the entire weekend not doing things I’d hoped to and doing others I hadn’t planned for. My mistake was just one of a series of blizzard-induced misalignments. My frustrated Facebook post, “I just sat in my bowl of porridge. Don’t ask,” was another.

After that impulsive post, I left Facebook alone for a day. When I checked it again, I found twenty responses. (Sometimes I forget that Facebook people are real—and really curious.)

“I hear another article with a valuable life lesson coming on!” said Maxine. “Oh my...”jotted someone else, adding a long series of “hahas”. “Sorry, but it strikes me funny,” commented another. “Bummer!” spake one. “A novel technique, but I prefer a spoon,” quipped the mayor. (Who says politicians have no sense of humour?)

Several friends hinted that oatmeal is good for the skin. A few, including one person at least two countries away (and my very own son-in-law around the block), wanted more details. Others noted that they couldn’t stop laughing at the mental picture my post provided. Someone even demanded photos. I declined—the logistics puzzled me.

Bringing up the rear of the comment thread, and because I now realized I couldn’t leave those people panting for the bottom line, I explained. For my Sunny Side Up readers who also wonder, here’s the back story.

It’s simple: In the midst of still-falling snow, I walked into my office with my bowl of porridge, preparing to write. Noticing that my desk was too cluttered for my bowl, I set it down on my chair to clear a space.

That was then I noticed the flutter of wings at the feeder on the deck—an unusually large flock of several species, driven to our free buffet by the blizzard. They startled me so much I sat down to watch them. And that, dear readers, is how and why this middle-aged observer of faith and life plunked her nether end down on her bowl of hot oatmeal.

Though I was doing both, I don’t think this story is what Jesus had in mind when he told us to consider the birds and not worry about what we will eat or drink or wear. But the responses to my short post reminded me that nothing builds bridges like sharing our flaws and laughing together. And building bridges is crucial in the sharing of both life and faith—but so is crossing them.

Fellow followers, build bridges. If necessary, use Facebook.

Kathleen Gibson ponders faith and life in her newspaper column, Sunny Side Up, and on her radio spots, Simple Words, aired weekdays on numerous Christian stations around the world. Find her online at www.kathleengibson.ca