Three-Hundred Years . . . Of Marriage! (Peter A. Black)

I acknowledge the passing a week or so ago of two members of The Word Guild. Many of us, myself included, benefitted hugely from the generosity and grace and writing-related skills of Anna Elizabeth Wiseman and Wendy Elaine Nelles.

Wendy’s memorial service in Simcoe, Ontario, was a full-house event. I saw a good number of TWG friends there, and am glad I was able to connect with several of them. Another memorial event will be held in the Toronto area later. 

I regret not being able to attend Anna’s service. However, I honour and thank God for both ladies’ lives and ministries, and I pray with others of you for our Heavenly Father’s comfort and peace for their loved ones.

The piece below is on another topic. Unfortunately, I don’t have permission to post photos of the participants.

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Close family and friends crowded into the space, along with supportive resident neighbours.  Smiling, helpful staff pinned boutonnieres on five ‘grooms’ and placed beautiful bouquets in the hands of the ‘brides.’  Five couples – three-hundred years total, to date, of shared life!

Mine was the distinct honour and joy of ‘officiating’ at this Marriage Affirmation (or Rededication), last week. In the case of three couples only one of the respective partners is resident in the care facility, whereas both partners of two couples are resident.
The length of those marriages currently range from fifty-four to sixty-five years. Last year, we said goodbye to a couple who passed away in their seventy-forth year of marriage. Wow! How common is that kind of duration likely to be in our society in the years to come?

Not "my" couples. Credit: www.boredpanda.com ; google free

People in developed countries on average are living longer nowadays, but I wonder about the longevity of stable marriages or lifetime spousal relationships from here on.

Back to the event: A group of senior musicians played golden oldies, while the brides and grooms lined up in the hallway. Two were in wheelchairs. One gentleman, his hands gripping his walker handles with all his might tried to control his incompliant limbs, aided by his wife.

Credit: mustard.org.uk

The musicians struck up, I’m Getting Married in the Morning . . . get me to the church on time. The couples filed in and formed a curved line, proudly standing as able or sitting, side by side. Their radiant faces and sparkling eyes beamed out joy and love.

I detected a wistful, far-away look radiating from several faces, which I’m sure communicated that their minds had drifted back to that memorable day when they declared their commitment to their spouse, many decades before. 

In my introductory remarks I shared this verse often read in traditional Christian weddings:

“Unless the LORD builds the house [or, household / family], its builders labor in vain” (Psa. 127:1a, NIV). 

I added that our Lord taught that those who are wise build their house (including household and family and life) on a rock; that is, on the sure foundation of Jesus and His teachings and wisdom. Against these the storms of life cannot prevail.

It has been said:

A smooth sea never made a successful sailor. 

Undoubtedly those couples weathered many a storm throughout the decades. My concluding thought before leading them through their affirmation was in the adage:

The perfume of kindness travels even against the wind.

Moments later, I led the couples through an affirmation of their commitment to each other in the “sight of God and these witnesses.” And then, following the benediction the band struck up again, and cake and ice-cream and punch were served.

God bless’em, every one.  God bless’em!

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Peter A. Black is a retired pastor – well, sort of retired – and lives in Southwestern Ontario. He writes a weekly inspirational newspaper column, P-Pep! and is author of Raise Your Gaze ... Mindful Musings of a Grateful Heart, and Parables from the Pond – a children's / family book. ~~+~~

Golden Apples in Silver Settings

Credit: dayspring.com

A nice card

My wife handed me the card, holding it open to reveal the inscription on the inside. The exterior was rather plain and less attractive than I’d hoped; however the wording was well suited for the occasion. “We can keep that one in mind,” I suggested, “but let’s see if we can find another one with an equally good message, but with a more attractive appearance.”

And so, we continued looking. Our search was for a variety of greeting cards that day. No, none of them were Valentines, but were for birthday, get well, thinking of you, and bereavement sympathy.

Credit: zazzle.ca

Not our choice of card!

For our taste some cards’ decorations were gaudy, cheapened by over-much gilding and ornamentation, while others we considered were too sombre and dark. In some instances we refused cards with ideal visual presentation and tasteful fonts simply because the wording was too flowery or syrupy. We finally left with a selection that we hoped would suit the persons and situations we had in mind.

The challenge was getting both the message (the language art) and the means of presenting it (the graphic art) ‘right.’

I love this word picture from the biblical book of Proverbs; it relates to the benefit of crafting a message and the means of presenting it well: “A word aptly spoken is like apples of gold in settings of silver” (Prov. 25:11). This has often prompted me to imagine various ornaments, such as a delicate necklace, featuring apples of burnished gold, set amongst entwining stems and leaves of silver, to grace a lady’s neck.

Credit: depositphotos.com

Silver picture-frame depiction

We’ve become accustomed to trash talk at many levels of society, from the world of sports to parliamentary debate and just about everything in between. Smart phones and social media provide a platform for spewing out negative attitudes, nastiness, anger and hate. However, the medium also provides opportunity for crafting messages expressing truth, kindness and love.

Raise Your Gaze Thought: A word or message “aptly spoken” or written can be beautiful art when it comes from the heart.

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A version of the above piece is to be published in Southwestern Ontario's Standard Guide Advocate Feb. 8, 2018 

Peter A. Black is a retired pastor – well, sort of retired – and lives in Southwestern Ontario. He writes a weekly inspirational newspaper column, P-Pep! and is author of Raise Your Gaze ... Mindful Musings of a Grateful Heart, and Parables from the Pond -- a children's / family book. ~~+~~

Grace-Space

Last week I had coffee with a friend, and when we stood to leave she apologized for the pants she was wearing.

            “I wear these all the time. They’re my default.”

            “I have the same pair,” I said. “I like mine too.”

She had been wearing those stretchy black pants. You know the ones. We all have a pair. We could live in them 24/7. Dress them down for housecleaning or lounging. Dress them up for coffee with a friend or even a night out.  

My friend had just come through a difficult time of family-drama. No wonder she was ready for those comfy pants with the elastic waistband. She needed some grace, some breathing room.

God knows we need elastic - better known as grace. We are not perfect. We are weak; we struggle; we give in to temptation; we hurt others. And God rescues us. And not with just any kind of grace, but grace with a two-way stretch. While God’s grace is wide, like that wide waistband, it is also deep and high, and He invites us to dive in. Ephesians 3:18 describes the vastness of God's love:    ". . . the love of the Anointed is infinitely long, wide, high, and deep, surpassing everything anyone previously experienced" (The Voice). 

King David describes the depth and width of God’s kindness in Psalm 103:11 and 12:  

            As high as heaven is over the earth,

            so strong is his love to those who fear him.

            And as far as sunrise is from sunset,

            he has separated us from our sins (The Message).

How high is heaven over earth? Scientists say that our universe is ever-expanding! And what about the width of his mercy – has anyone ever measured the distance between sunrise and sunset? Is it not an eternal circle? Is God telling us that His mercy is vast and immeasurable? That His kindness knows no end?

The Psalmist said of God’s path that it was broad and easy to walk upon: “You provide a broad path for my feet, so that my ankles do not give way” (Psalm 18:36).  He reminds us again later in Psalm 31:8, “Thou hast set my feet in a large room.”

While we know that broad is the path to destruction and narrow is the gate to eternal life (Matthew 7:13,14), King David also knew that walking in obedience to God provided wideness, soul-freedom, and liberty.

The wide-open fields of the Enemy are not wide and free as we might think. They are a maze of constantly changing “right and wrong”. Our footsteps are never sure or confident when there are no absolute standards! Living in relativism causes confusion, insecurity, and fear (Isaiah 33:15; Romans 7:11; Psalm 36).

However, the walls of God’s Kingdom are widely-set, so spacious in fact that we have room to run and dance, and space to fall and make mistakes. We feel secure inside His protective barriers, inside His grace-space. 

Instead of the simplicity of grace, Pharisees dressed in layers of law-keeping and the high-fashion of religiosity. It could not have been comfortable. There was never any wiggle room for somebody to make a mistake, to struggle, to fall. Jesus condemned their rigid judgmental attitudes. “The Law and the Prophets were until John. Since that time the kingdom of God has been preached, and everyone is pressing into it” (Luke 16:16, emphasis mine). His grace extended to tax-collectors, prostitutes, and indeed everyone that recognized their need.

Jesus frees us from the chains of sin and the law, to live a new life of obedience to Him. “Christ has set us free to live a free life. So take your stand! Never again let anyone put a harness of slavery on you” (Galatians 5:1, The Message).  

Does that mean we can live how we want? I love the way Eugene Peterson puts it in the Message:

“So, since we’re out from under the old tyranny, does that mean we can live any old way we want? Since we’re free in the freedom of God, can we do anything that comes to mind? Hardly. You know well enough from your own experience that there are some acts of so-called freedom that destroy freedom. Offer yourselves to sin, for instance, and it’s your last free act. But offer yourselves to the ways of God and the freedom never quits. All your lives you’ve let sin tell you what to do. But thank God you’ve started listening to a new master, one whose commands set you free to live openly in his freedom! (Romans 6:15-18: emphasis mine).

We have all blown it. We all need grace, everyday. Like those stretchy black pants, God’s grace covers us in the stress and rigor of everyday life, but His garment is also beautiful enough to enter the throne room of our King (Hebrews 4:16).   

Why go around wearing the latest style of self-righteousness? All the frippery of ritzy rules and pretentious policies only serves to weigh us down, make us itchy, and restrict our movement. Step into the robe of Jesus’ goodness instead (Isaiah 61:10), and enjoy the depth and width of His mercy. Extend the same kindness to others. We all need His eternal, elastic, grace-space. Everyday.

The lyrics of Frederic Faber’s hymn (1854) speak about God's two-way stretchy grace. Click on the link below and listen if you like:
  There's a Wideness in God's Mercy

Pamela Mytroen takes inspiration from the never-changing bedrock of God's Word, and the ever-changing skies and seasons of Saskatchewan. The tenacity of her English students, and the diverse cultures they represent, challenge her comfortable life and have informed many recent stories. She loves a tall Norwegian farm boy who has tried teaching her how to hunt, call coyotes, and check the gas gauge. Their four children and two grandchildren, LadyBug and Sir Cricket, offer a steady supply of sweet words which she unabashedly plagiarizes, and tucks into short fiction, blogs, human-interest pieces, and devotional writing.    

THE POWER OF KINDNESS-by Heidi McLaughlin

The word “kindness” may sound limpid, but I believe it is the strongest expression of love. If you notice a decline in human kindness, you’re not alone.  I was saddened and shocked by research done by the University of Michigan which states: “After the year 2000, College kids today are about forty percent lower in empathy (kindness) than their counterparts of twenty or thirty years ago.”  That was the beginning of the media age and kids grew up with access to games that eventually numb people to the pain of others.  When we become isolated and selfish, we don’t make time to be kind.

I am so grateful for people who still live their lives the way the Jesus taught us in the Bible which says: “…you should practice tender-hearted mercy and kindness to others” (Colossians 3:12 TLB). It takes unselfishness and time to stop our busy lives and make a phone call, deliver a meal, drop off a flower, or invite someone out for dinner.

It’s been five months since the death of my second husband and I am still receiving tender-hearted kindness from many people.  At the end of the third month I hit a wall and needed emotional and physical support.  When I prayed and asked God for help He used kind people to be His hands and feet to help me with every aspect of my life. Throughout my grieving journey, kind people have been my greatest gift. Those who took me in when I could not function on my own. Those who came to stay in my home and support me with meals and daily functions. Those who checked in with me every day to make sure I was O.K. Even the simple things like a card in the mail or in my Inbox, or joining me on a walk or a cup of tea.  Those people who made the time to extend kindness have literally changed my life

Kindness is not being a doormat or acquiescing to uncomfortable or unrealistic demands. Kindness is a sincere desire to allow the Holy Spirit to shape our hearts like Jesus, overflowing with compassion. To follow the example of Jesus, we need to re-adjust our over-abundant, over-complicated and busy lives to make time for a hurting world.

Modelling kindness to our younger generation is the first step to changing the statistics that our next generation is self-centered and uncaring. Through the astounding kindness that I have received in the last five months, I know that when I have the strength and ability, I will make it my life mission to extend kindness wherever I go.  I believe it’s the greatest legacy I can leave.

University of Michigan research: http://ns.umich.edu/new/releases, 7724, September 12, 2015

Heidi McLaughlin lives in the beautiful vineyards of the Okanagan Valley in Kelowna, British Columbia. Heidi has been widowed twice. She is a mom and step mom of a wonderful, eclectic blended family of 5 children and 12 grandchildren. When Heidi is not working, she loves to curl up with a great book, or golf and laugh with her family and special friends.

Her latest book RESTLESS FOR MORE: Fulfillment in Unexpected Places (Including a FREE downloadable Study Guide) is now available at Amazon.ca; Amazon.com, Goodreads.com or her website: www.heartconnection.ca