“ONE” DOESN’T HAVE TO BE A LONELY NUMBER-Heidi McLaughlin

Being a writer can be lonely. But writers are privileged to have the passion and purpose for creating picturesque and compelling words that we hope will leave the reader with: “Wow, that was a great article.” However, being alone is not always good.

Even though this generation is better connected through social media and technology, it is ironic that today we are a society that is adrift and lonely.  In fact, many people after they spend time on Twitter, Facebook and Instagram come away saying: “Why is everyone living the life except for me?

In an article written on November 23, 2013 in the Globe and Mail, Elizabeth Renzetti writes: “In Vancouver, residents recently listed social isolation as their most pressing concern. More Canadians than ever live alone, and almost one quarter describe themselves as lonely.” She goes on to say: “A study last year from the University of California at San Francisco showed a clear link between loneliness and serious heart problems and early death in the elderly. Seniors in the study who identified themselves as lonely had a 59-per-cent greater chance of health problems, and a 45-per-cent greater chance of early death.”[1]

Loneliness is such an ugly word. It reminds me of sitting in the cafeteria eating my boring lunch and hoping some popular or cool person would come and sit beside me.  If I sat alone, I felt like a looser, unwanted and rejected by society. It is only human nature to wonder: What is wrong with me?  Strangely enough, it is soldiers who really suffer and feel alone when they come back from

battlefield.

Extensive research has been done in the past decade to establish that humans feel safe and are joyful and fulfilled when they are in community or intimately connected to each other. In an article in June 2015 of VANITY FAIR, called The Bonds of Battle, the author Sebastian Junger gives us startling facts about soldiers returning from war with PTSD.  Yes, the atrocities of war do cause anxiety, trauma and depression. However they are now discovering is that part of the PTSD trauma is perpetuated because the soldier is lo longer in the safety and reliance of community and camaraderie. The author says this: “Our society is alienating, technical, cold and mystifying. Our fundamental desire, as human beings, is to be close to others, and our society does not allow for that.”[2]

Yes, some days I am alone, but I do not feel lonely. There is a huge difference. Sitting at my computer all day is a choice and for the most part I find it rewarding. It is up to you and me to make that determined effort to get up and go out to interact with other people. God designed us to be lovingly connected to each other. In the Bible there are thirty-six “one another” principles that guide us as to how we can be connected:  Here are just a few to show us how we can help each other and find fulfillment:

1.              Be kind to one another (Ephesians 4:32).

2.              Serve one another (Galatians 5:13).

3.              Comfort one another (1 Thessalonians 4:18).

4.              Be hospitable to one another (1 Peter 4:9).

5.              Encourage one another (1 Thessalonians 5:11).

6.              Greet one another (Romans 16:16).

7.              Pray for one another (James 5:16).

8.              Care for one another (1 Corinthians 12:25-26).

Being lonely may seem crippling at times and just saying: “Get out there and connect with other people” may seem daunting to some people.  The first step is to admit to the loneliness and be determined to change it. Take small steps to smile at other people. Make eye contact, greet someone and ask: “Are you having a good day?” Do something kind. Ask a question. Put an arm around someone. Drop off a cup of coffee. Pick a flower and pass it along. Sit on a bench and start talking to someone. Join a book club. Have someone over for a cup of soup.

“One” doesn’t have to be a lonely number if we are willing to step out of our comfort zone and reach out. Ask God to help you. I know He will.

Heidi McLaughlin lives in the beautiful vineyards of the Okanagan Valley in Kelowna, British Columbia. She is married to Pastor Jack and they have a wonderful, eclectic blended family of 5 children and 9 grandchildren. When Heidi is not working, she loves to curl up with a great book, or golf and laugh with her husband and special friends. You can reach her at: www.heartconnection.ca

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[1] www.theglobeandmail.com/life/life-of-solitude-a-loneless-crisis-is-looming/article

[2] VANITY FAIR, The Bonds of Battle, Sebastian Junger, June, 2015, p. 142

Standing Alone - Meyer

When you lead a charge into battle

Don’t be surprised

When you find yourself

Manitoba Launch of A Second Cup of Hot Apple Cider

Standing alone

There’s times they’ll be with you

And times when they won’t

It’s not really a betrayal

But just the way things are

It was your idea in the first place

You who rallied the troops

You who convinced them

The cause was worthwhile

They seemed to be with you

Eager to help

Eager to join in the fight

But when the chips are down…

And you lead the charge into battle

Don’t be surprised

When you find yourself

Standing alone

I wrote this poem a while ago, and although there are times when this is very true, I want to share with you today some cases where I have not stood alone.

The Word Guild recently celebrated their 10^th year as an organization that gives support to Canadian Christian authors.  I have been a part of this wonderful organization for the past eight years. I recently returned from Write!Canada, a conference that unites writers from all across Canada. I plan my year around this conference. I have had travel grants from the Manitoba Arts Council which have enabled me to attend in previous years.

The Manitoba Writers Guild recently celebrated their 30^th year. I’ve been a member of that organization for the past eight or so years as well. There is a bookstore in Winnipeg, McNally Robinson Booksellers, that is VERY supportive of Manitoba (and other) authors hosting book events almost every night of the year.

As the owner of Goldrock Press, I have had the privilege of being the editor to various anthologies. Each time, there is a bond of friendship that grows between the writers. On July 1^st, I will be doing a joint book signing at “The Forks” in Winnipeg with a writer from my Prairie Writers anthologies, volumes 1 and 3. Recently, this writer, Barbara Becker went on to be the editor of her own anthologies and I was privileged to be part of one of these: Measured Words, volume 2. On July 1^st, Barbara and I will have a table with both of our anthologies on it. Also on that table will be some copies of A Second Cup of Hot Apple Cider, another collaborative effort between authors from across Canada.

And yes, there are still moments when we will feel alone. The picture above is a case in point. A Second Cup of Hot Apple Cider has sold over 5,000 copies across Canada but I had only ONE person show up for the “Manitoba launch of A Second Cup of Hot Apple Cider.” Some days are like that. And I wasn’t truly alone even then. That one person and I had a very good, long overdue, visit. And the carrot cake and hot apple cider were quite yummy.

And although there will be times when we FEEL alone, we are never truly alone. Jesus promised “I will be with you always.” Anytime… anywhere… in our good days and in our bad, He is always with us.

Dorene Meyer

Editor of Northern Writers volume 3

www.dorenemeyer.com

www.goldrockpress.com  

Life Isn't Perfect Yet - Rose McCormick Brandon

I discussed the subject of depression in a recent interview with the leader of a major U.S. denomination. He stressed the importance of Christians "creating a culture of honesty." I'd visited an elderly aunt in a nursing home a few days before. I thought of how this man's words applied to the loneliness she's feeling. Her once active life came to a sudden stop when she broke a hip and could no longer live in her home.

Everyone experiences loneliness at some point in life. In many Christian circles, this isn’t a popular thought. Christians tend to believe that after we dedicate our lives to Christ, we'll never experience loneliness.

When Christians do suffer from loneliness, or struggle with other negative emotions, we assume something must be amiss in our relationship with God. This myth is perpetuated by a teaching that goes something like this – give your life totally to Christ and you’ll have it altogether all the time.


This is where denial comes in. No one has it altogether all the time.



Devotional writer, Selwyn Hughes made this observation. “Sadly, churches tend to reward those who can create the illusion of having it all together by holding them up as examples of what a Christian should be, while actually, in some cases, such people may be less spiritual than those whose integrity compels them not to deny their struggles.”


Perpetuating the myth that life can be perfect for Christians on earth causes many to give up following Jesus because they conclude they simply aren’t “good at it."



God does perform miracles for people. He does transform lives. In some cases, loneliness is erased. But for most believers, some issues remain unresolved. Loneliness may be one of these. It’s okay for Christians to struggle, to feel pain, and even to make mistakes. Imperfect people live imperfect lives.



In this life, we may not pin the Perfect Christian Award on our shirts but we can pin this on – God’s grace is big enough to cover our imperfections.

My grace is enough; it's all you need.
My strength comes into its own in your weakness.
2 Corinthians 12:9 (The Message)

Lonely at the Top - Wegner

I’ve always heard it’s lonely at the top. I wouldn’t know simply because I’m not sure where “the top” is and besides, no matter where it turns out to be, I’m not there.
I’ve also heard that writing is a lonely life. Now that’s closer to where I am and if I didn’t believe it before, any doubts have vanished.
Loneliness doesn’t come easy for me. My childhood nickname, Windy Lindy, indicated my love of words - and wordiness - even back then. Teen activities included teaching Sunday School, school dramas and the debating team. As an adult I thrived on the company of others. Married for forty years to the quietest person I’ve ever known, I’ve had to compromise on social activities but that didn’t mean I lost my zest for a roomful of energetic people. Gregarious. Sociable. Fun loving. Those words described me; reflexive, withdrawn and introverted did not. But that transition is happening and as difficult as it has been, the seeming permanency of my loneliness is dawning on me.
As easy as it would be to blame it solely on the writing, I have coming to the conclusion that God Himself is drawing me from a life of dependency on the approval of others to a place of quiet surrender to His will. He’s created a thirst so deep that nothing but fellowship with Him can fully quench it. He’s creating such a longing for His glory that my innate competitiveness has been tempered by the sense of the exclusiveness of His majesty. While there’s still enough “carnality” in me that I refused to enter this year’s contest for fear that I would come in second - again - there’s a new peace in realizing that He’s not done with me.
I still love to be with people of like mind and I look forward with anticipation to the upcoming writers’ conference but inside, there’s a core of solitude that I’m slowly learning to treasure. Quivering on the altar, I’m comforted by the assurance that my sacrifice has been accepted.
“Lord, turn my loneliness into aloneness with You. Turn my sense of loss into tender compassion for those who have been stripped of the barest of life’s essentials. May new thoughts, formed in my newly-stilled mind, pour forth in praise and honour to You.”
Having said all that, I haven’t lost my ability to celebrate and I can hardly wait for June 12!
Linda Wegner

Loneliness... Don't Underestimate It

Have you ever had times in your life when you felt like few people truly understand or appreciate you? You think you’re doing your best, you try to be as kind and loving toward people as you can, you maintain the most positive attitude you can, and yet something’s just not “clicking” with people who, maybe even a week ago, you felt perfectly comfortable with.

Naturally, when I feel myself disconnecting from people, a sense of loneliness sets in and I start to worry that I’ve done something wrong. In the past, I’d give in to that pressure and eventually go back to trying to please people and living my life the way they seem to think I should live it.

There's nothing wrong with wanting to do things that make others happy, but a compulsive need to please others and avoid having them feel disappointed in you can become crippling. For example, throughout my life there have been a number of people who have suggested that I need to be more independent, apparently because I have a very close relationship with my parents. This used to bother me and I would try to prove that I do have my own mind and life. Now I just marvel at the irony: Telling someone to be more independent is telling him or her how to live his or her life! If I've gained any independence recently, it's from the people whom I wrongly thought I had to please.

Loneliness that results from making right choices or from separating oneself from unhealthy influences is not a bad thing. I recently heard a great quote by A.W. Tozer: “Most of the world’s great souls have been lonely. Loneliness seems to be one price the saint must pay for his saintliness.” (You can read the whole article here.) I’m not suggesting I’m a saint, but Tozer’s comment made me realize that loneliness can produce greatness. I don’t need to fear it.

Jesus was often alone. He was alone when He fasted in the wilderness for 40 days. He was alone when He prayed in the garden before His crucifixion. He was alone when he was being tried and beaten. And He was terribly alone on the cross. Surrounded by people, yes, but very lonely.

I don’t feel lonely right now, but at times I have felt disconnected from certain people in my life. The good thing is that I always know it will pass, and I also know that it’s okay. It’s a chance for me to refocus on some of my other wonderful relationships. And it’s a great opportunity to stop and think about what God is trying to teach me — to contemplate how He may be guiding me toward greater saintliness.

As Tozer said: “It is this very loneliness that throws [the truly spiritual man] back upon God… His inability to find human companionship drives him to seek in God what he can find nowhere else.”

I love that! What a great reminder that only God can fill the vacuum in our lives. If I never felt lonely, I would forget how much I need God. And whenever I think I’m self-sufficient, that’s when I start to run into trouble. I need people (and I’m not ashamed to admit it), but I need God even more.

If you’re feeling lonely, don’t despair. God is with you, and He can turn your loneliness into a great experience.

Ann-Margret Hovsepian