A Devoted Couple (by Peter Black)

They were our neighbours. My wife and I used to see them sitting together most days. Sometimes we’d hear them chatting quietly back and forth, and other times they’d remain side by side for long periods, not making a sound. I guess they were comfortable and content in each other’s company—obviously a devoted couple. 

The time came when they had a couple of kids. My, how they cared for them! Great parents they were, both sharing the responsibility. And work? Oh yes, they were workers alright, providing for the needs of their young family, preparing meals and feeding the little guys, and yet they arranged their schedules so that there was always one parent at home with them.

As with many of us who have raised a family, it  seemed no time at all before the youngsters began flexing wings independence. And then to our surprise, they were soon up and gone. With the freedom their empty nest gave them, the parents took occasional trips away, but it was never too long before they’d be back, enjoying each other’s company and their surroundings as usual.

And then, one day there was just one partner, sitting alone.
Alone one day, alone the next and the next . . . 

~~~

 

We missed those neighbours, a pair of mourning doves. I’m sure that one had fallen victim to a neighbourhood cat or racoon, or met with some fate or other. Whether the remaining bird was the male or female, I’m not certain. They’d been good company for us. I liked the simple musicality of their gentle mating call and soft cooing communication, which I fancied was lovey-dovey sweet nothings.

Many birds spend time around our back yard, but I think the lifelong monogamous relationship of doves is special. Their joint devotion to caring for their young mirrors that of committed, loving human couples.

I’m sure the male was our surviving dove. Day after day he appeared anxious and unsettled, shuffling restlessly along his usual perch. He’d launch himself into the air, circle a short distance, land on the old maple for several seconds, then take off and return to his perch. Shortly after, he’d go through a similar routine all over again.

I reckon he didn’t know what to do; he was mourning, lost without his mate. Grieving in silence. He didn’t make any calls or even soft cooing sounds. I felt sorry for him and reflected how some people who, having lost their life-partner, struggle with loneliness, many of them (especially men) grieving in silence—alone.

I’ve observed—and clinical studies have shown—that surviving partners who have several good connections fare better, whether family or caring friends. Although they may deeply miss their loved one and mourn, and might reminisce and talk about former good times, yet are less likely to remain stuck there.

Sharing and friendship helps them in time to move from mourning into a grieving that allows them to grow and look forward. How precious it is to have caring people in our lives, especially at a time of loss; let us not push them away in our time of grief.

Our lonely dove disappeared for a few days. And then, one morning I heard it again—that familiar soft cooing. There by his side on the old perch was a new partner. He was ready and had reached out, and another companion came alongside. He’s moving on.

Loving devotion raises my gaze . . . Heavenward.

Yours too?

~~+~~

Peter A. Black is a freelance writer in Southwestern Ontario, and is author of “Parables from the Pond” – a children's / family book (mildly educational, inspirational in orientation, character reinforcing).

(Finalist -- Word Alive Press ISBN 1897373-21-X)

His inspirational column, P-Pep! appears weekly in The Guide-Advocate. His articles have appeared in 50 Plus Contact and testimony, and several newspapers in Ontario.
Peter's current book project comprises a collection of 52 column articles.
The post above has been adapted from P-Pep! column article, published August 8, 2013.

~~+~~

 

“Smart” Communication, or Isolation? -- Peter Black

The unveiling of the long-awaited new generation – and hoped-for company saviour – of the Blackberry smartphone is all the buzz at the time of my writing. Optimistic pros and pessimistic cons as to its likely or unlikely success range widely. Only time will tell. This reminded me of some musings I had a while back.

A smartphone rippled its signal. The man thumbed it and scanned the screen. It was a text message. He closed it and yelled, “If you wanna tell me something, young lady, you come here and talk t’me!” Ten seconds later a teenager appeared and delivered her message, face to face with her dad.

Technology has its place, but is by nature disruptive. Continually evolving with extreme rapidity, “smart” technology is far-reaching. Offering unprecedented ease of communication, it provides instantaneous interaction with people on the other side of the globe. That’s great. But it is also so far-reaching that it plays into social interaction, makes inroads into privacy, intrudes into family dynamics and takes over relational time and space, even among people dwelling under the same roof. 

At present I have a mobile phone but not a smartphone. Not surprising, since I – being the dinosaur that I am – use email by desktop computer and land phone to connect long distance with friends and family, some of whom I haven’t seen for years or who live far away or abroad.

There’s no doubt, online social networks bring people together (I'm on several), but the potential to isolate is ever present. For example: the teenager who’s holed up in his room, endlessly surfing the internet or interacting with other buddies (and God knows what he is viewing and what influences he’s exposed to that may be shaping his values). 

 Or, consider the person who can hardly go from the kitchen to the bathroom, bedroom or basement without messaging her girlfriends to share the moment by moment trivia of what she’s doing and thinking; or, the guy tapping out a text message over the steering wheel, his eyes off the road and boring down on his smartphone. Dangerous, irresponsible, and not so smart!

Is this a rant? Not quite . . . mebbe close. Perhaps you too, have experienced both the benefit and the bane of technology in its ability to connect, communicate and foster meaningful relationships, as well as its potential to divide and isolate.

Prayer has been, and I believe always will be, an effective avenue for connecting and adjusting one’s relation with God and with oneself. A fruit of that is an enhanced ability to relate to others more effectively than we otherwise would. When prayer becomes a constant way of life, communication happens. We sense our dependency on God our Heavenly Father and Creator, and this sharpens our perspective on our personhood and the significance of our life; we know we belong, even if others shut us out.

I’m sure that nothing affords relationship, belonging and a home for the soul, as can be found in communion with God, through prayer.

Let us approach Him then, in prayer, with a grateful heart, in the name of Jesus Christ His Son. We are invited through prayer to confess our faults and failings and our sins, and also to praise God for His goodness, while giving thanks for His mercies. This can position us to receive grace, and bring heaven near, even to our souls.

P.S. Hmm. Maybe I could get the hang of that latest Blackberry -- if I really had to!  :)                     

 ~~+~~

Peter A. Black is a freelance writer in Southwestern Ontario, and author of “Parables from the Pond” – a children's / family book." His inspirational column, P-Pep! appears weekly in The Guide-Advocate. His articles have appeared in 50 Plus Contact and testimony, and several newspapers in Ontario.