When you need a friend

A long-time friend posted on my Facebook page yesterday about making and keeping friends. The message said:

“It’s easy to make 15 friends in one year.

But keeping one friend for 15 years is special.”

I had to agree, because this person has been my friend since senior public and high school days, when our small rural schools closed and we were collected by bus and on our way to another bigger school. In a time like that, we are forced to move beyond our comfortable places. My friends from School Section (commonly known as S. S.) # 8 came too. We made new friends and kept the former ones too. And there were friends along the way at church in my Sunday School class and in our church in the city who have become just as dear.

East coast friend Maryann

 Barbara

Sunday School and confirmation-- friends there too

We recently had opportunity to gather with these long-time friends, for Linda’s partner became a friend of ours too. With us, another friend, Lorraine, gathered into our midst at a different point in our lives, in career choices and university years (for them).

Lorraine travelled with us to visit Linda and Bob in Port Dover, their retirement community. Another couple, Donna and Ron, also represent a friendship made during high school years, so you can imagine the conversations that might make its way into our gathering. 

in Port Dover

I’ve learned over the years the difference between an acquaintance and a close friend. I have many acquaintances, people I know reasonably well. Then the life-long friends, or other friends made later and just as dear, who care about how I’m doing, who have interests similar to mine. Those are the ones I share with when the world feels uncomfortable, when things happen that make me sad. Those are the ones who I go to when my world feels like it’s falling apart, and whom I also lend an ear when they suffer a life calamity or death of a loved one. We celebrate too, and often finish each other’s sentences and thoughts.

 

Missing Kathy too

It’s painful to lose a friend like that, and I’ve lost a number of them over the years— Barb, Susan, Gayleen, Kathy, and more. The other half of a personal journey, the second part of a soul sister. It’s good when a sibling, daughter, or a cousin fits in that space too, and I add a few of those to my consideration of soul sisters and friends (including male cousins).

In Sunday School we sang, “Jesus loves me, this I know,” and we learned that Jesus wants to be our friend too. A different kind of friendship, to be sure, because grace and mercy are at stake. And forgiveness. We might try, but we humans don’t forgive as freely as God does. I know I am forgiven, and often the hardest to forgive is myself. My friends may forgive me, but God’s grace is so much bigger and eternal.

 

I cannot imagine going through life without friends. How lonely it must be. We as humans will never perfect, in fact far from it. And yet in our communities there’s still loneliness and lack of trust, and pain. And we feel it too at times. We need grace and forgiveness. As Leonard Cohen says in Anthem, “There’s a crack in everything.” And he expresses that’s where the light gets in.

And so I’ll keep all my friends—acquaintances, soul sisters and close friends, siblings and cousins whom I can confide in, and Jesus. That should keep me in good company whatever happens in life.

 Carolyn R. Wilker is a blogger, author, and editor from South-western Ontario, Canada, who enjoys photography, gardening and reading, and spending time with family.

 https://www.carolynwilker.ca/

The Promise of His Presence by Rose McCormick Brandon

I will never [under any circumstances] desert you [nor give you up nor leave you without support, nor will I in any degree leave you helpless], nor will I forsake or let you down or relax My hold on you [assuredly not]!” Hebrews 13:5(b) AMP

My roommate from college never married. She moved west, away from me, years ago, which meant I didn’t see her for almost three decades. We shared phone calls and emails, talked about my children and her siblings. One day she called to say she’d been diagnosed with Parkinson’s. The disease ate at her life quickly, forcing her into retirement and isolating her. Frequent trips to the hospital, dependence on others for groceries and medications stole her freedom. A frantic worry about the future tinged the edges of her voice. I heard, “What will become of me?” between the lines of our conversations.

Months passed. She talked about her parents and happy childhood memories. About the Bible and how she still enjoyed in-depth study. Instead of anxious worries thoughts of heaven crept into our talks. One day through tears she quoted a stanza of a hymn:

Just think of stepping on shore and finding it Heaven.

Of touching a hand and finding it God’s.

Of breathing new air and finding it celestial.

Of waking up in glory and finding it home. ⁽¹⁾

At the end of this conversation she said, “I want you to know that in spite of my sufferings I always feel the presence of God.”

I always feel the presence of God. Those words calmed my concern for her. In my mind she had one foot in a nursing home and the other in a grave. But God was there in her apartment, sitting on the sofa beside her, reading and praying, sharing her suffering.

Not many months later she stepped into Heaven and found herself breathing celestial air in God’s forever.

“For the Lord your God will personally go ahead of you. He will neither fail nor abandon you (Deut. 31:6).” You can count on Him to be there in your tomorrow. That’s a promise. 

(1)     Finally Home by Don Wyrtzen

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Rose McCormick Brandon writes books, articles, biographies and Bible lessons from her home in Caledonia, Ontario. She's married to Doug, has three adult children and three grandchildren. Rose is the author of One Good Word Makes all the Difference, Promises of Home - Stories of Canada's British Home Children, Vanished, He Loves Me Not He Loves Me. She presently knee-deep in writing a daily devotional book. 

Friendship – Lending a Listening Ear

Are you a ‘Facebooker’ or ‘Twitter tweeter’? Both or neither?

Invitations come from people known and unknown to me, as they likely do you, requesting me to join them on Facebook and other online networks. It’s really nice. I confess: my friends and online ‘would-be’ friends might not appreciate my lack of response to their posts and friend requests, though. (Hey, perhaps you’re among them. My apologies.)

Our last visit with May's sister Barbara

in Scotland. She died shortly after. 

My wife May and I have numerous relatives and friends in Canada and abroad. She keeps in touch with many of them online in our behalf. I have personal friends and good acquaintances at points across this country. And yet, it’s people who are in geographical and physical proximity who more often gain my attention and time. Consequently, during the past two years I’ve cut way back on online networking.

Have I retreated into an unsociable shell? No. Rather, I’m connecting with various people around me and over time have assumed area commitments, and of necessity am relegating cyberspace involvements to a smaller corner of life, for now.

A town near Glasgow

I snapped this coffee shop moment of 

May with my eldest sister Chris and 

bro-in-law Norman who, in their eighties 

share friendship and hospitality with people 

of all ages, in Jesus' name.

My intention isn’t to be unfriendly. However, the folks with whom I engage in these face-to-face, ‘flesh-and-blood’ encounters are near at hand, in my ‘hood.’ They’re currently part of my life—and our lives, since my wife also shares in certain of these connections.

For example: Dwayne,* a senior gentleman, chats with us in the coffee shop. His wife’s in nursing care forty-five kilometres away and is drifting further and further from him and deeper into dementia. Mindy, an octogenarian widowed friend, invites us round to her place for tea. I’m a talker, but I can listen, too. Fact is, most everyone likes to be heard. These folks like to talk face-to-face and know that someone is listening.

And then, there’s our friends, Frank and Sheila, also seniors, who, although having no kids or grandkids, politely listen when we and other folk proudly share our kid and grandkid stories. And there’s the guy who doesn’t claim to be a Christian but gets hyped up about religion, government and what’s going on in the world. Others shoulder some pretty heavy burdens. These all appreciate a little time spent with them. 

Biblical wisdom says that those who want to have friends must themselves demonstrate friendship (Ref. Proverbs 18:24). When you and I invest in friendship let’s do so with sincerity and in behalf of Jesus our Lord, who invested His life in humanity and gave Himself up to the death of the cross to reconcile us to God and restore our relationship with Him.

And so, whether our friendly connections are carried through cyberspace, or occur across a room or only inches apart on the other side of a table, may the life and grace of Jesus flow, and may people be brought into His saving grace.

Thanks for lending me your listening ear. I feel better already!

~~~

* All names except my wife’s and those in the photo captions have been changed for privacy.

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Peter A. Black is a retired pastor – well, sort of retired – and lives in Southwestern Ontario. He writes a weekly inspirational newspaper column, P-Pep! and is author of Raise Your Gaze ... Mindful Musings of a Grateful Heart, and Parables from the Pond – a children's / family book. ~~+~~

Friendship Love: The Puzzle (by Peter Black)

A new decorative piece was added to our home, lately. It is a twenty-two by thirty-inch sealed, framed and glazed jigsaw puzzle – a Christmas gift from friends. It now adorns the music room-cum-office.

I can scarcely imagine the monumental patience, painstaking labour, stiff neck and shoulders that it cost Suzie to put together this lovely one-thousand-piece picture. It had to be a labour of love! Her husband Jay made, finished and glazed the frame then mounted the puzzle.

The completed picture portrays Jesus. It’s a rather inviting portrayal, and not one of those serious

sterile, unfriendly kinds. He’s reclining, with His back against a sloping rock-face. Black shadows swallow up much of the foreground, while dying – yet still golden – hues from the setting sun highlight His relaxed warm smile, as He gazes upwards into an indigo evening sky cheerfully studded with stars. A stout staff, grasped in his left hand, seems reflective of The Good Shepherd, who watches over His sheep, ever ready to hear their cry and protect them.

Now, back to Suzie and her putting the puzzle together. Jay explained that once she has determined which puzzle she’s going to tackle next, she removes the pieces and sets the box bearing the picture aside. She then sets herself to work entirely without reference to the picture. Multiple trial and error placements of the dark and black areas and other lighter, but characterless pieces, with little or nothing to distinguish them, eventually end up in their appointed place. Amazing.

That approach is in part what makes this puzzle so special. It is special, of course, because of our friendship. And yes, it is a labour of love (this thoughtful couple have shown us generosity and kindness on numerous occasions), but it is also the product of Suzie’s elevating the challenge for herself and overcoming it.

Life can be puzzling. Ever been in situations in which you didn’t know where you fit? First day in a new class or at a new school or as a freshman in college? Maybe you’ve felt uneasy as the newbie on the block or on the job. It can be quite uncomfortable; I know, for I’ve been in numerous situations like those. Sometimes I’ve wondered whether I’d ever really fit in, but I think that most often I have . . . eventually. Some things you can’t rush but have to patiently work at.

The picture or scenario we’d projected for our lives might have grown fuzzy and the pieces just refuse coming together. Trial and error become the order of the day. Even people who are staunch in their faith and memorize scripture verses from the Bible about God’s willingness to grant us wisdom to guide and lead us in the way we should go, can experience times when life is puzzling.

Our time-line will include occasions when we landed in dark places, when we’d much rather have been in a comfortable place where all is light an’ lovely. However, our Good and Great Shepherd knows exactly where we belong. He’s with His sheep in the dark of night as well as the light of day, and will take us to the place of present joy and eternal safety as we persevere in following and trusting Him.

Our experience of the darkness helps us appreciate the light.

“The LORD is my shepherd, I shall not want. . . . Even though I walk through the darkest valley, I fear no evil; for you are with me; your rod and your staff – they comfort me” (Psalm 23:1, 4 NRSV).

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Peter A. Black lives in Southwestern Ontario. He writes a weekly inspirational newspaper column, P-Pep! and is author of Raise Your Gaze ... Mindful Musings of a Grateful Heart, and Parables from the Pond.
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A Bit o' Heaven on Earth (Peter Black)

My Beloved and I finally broke free from the heavy, slow molasses that clung to and characterized our driving experience through much of Toronto on Highway 401, as we headed east. Multi-story towers diminished in number, and eventually the box-like sameness of sprawling condominium developments and modern cheek-by-jowl homes yielded to the welcome sight of nature’s autumn colours in glorious profusion.

This would be our first visit to the “The King’s Town” – Kingston, Ontario – in ten years. We’d moved away from there thirty years ago.

Kingston Ont. Murney Tower

We’d decided that during 2015 we would drop in quietly and unannounced at each of the churches we had served during the years of our pastoral service. The project was all but completed, except for Kingston. We left that to the last, since Kingston was the furthest away from home.

During our almost five years of living there in the early 1980s we met some memorable characters. Among them was Bob. A former penitentiary inmate, his life had gotten turned around by the grace of God during his incarceration. Following his release he attended our church for some time and married Lisa.

One of Kingston, Ontario's Marinas

While becoming established in following Jesus consistently, Bob continued developing his graphic arts and crafting skills. These days he’s busy working on his custom metal-work creations.*

His popular hand-crafted belt buckles are mailed to many countries around the world. He and Lisa have developed a home-based business, and continue in their walk of faith with Jesus.



"Nigerian Girl"
Fine art by Robert Aucoin
See website URL below.

Several years ago Bob and I had been in touch by phone and email, at which time he gave me express permission to publish his real name (instead of a pseudonym) in a newspaper and a magazine article, and also to include a print of his stunning pencilled portrait titled, “Nigerian Girl” (see pic).

He later extended the permission to include both an edition of the article and the portrait in my book, “Raise Your Gaze . . . Mindful Musings of a Grateful Heart” (see below). However, until my wife and I made our recent trip we hadn’t actually seen the couple in more than thirty years.

We really hoped to see them again, but didn’t want to inconvenience them or have them change any plans they might have. And so, while in the city I phoned to say that we were in Kingston for a couple of days and would very much like to see them. Wonderful! They and their daughter were home and gave directions to their beautiful lakeside community, some kilometres outside the city.

News from across the years flowed freely. It was a marvellous time of catching up on

Bob & Lisa.
(Sorry: I've lost resolution along the way.)

 our respective families and the joys and challenges that the Lord had brought us all through. May and I sensed deep grace and trust in the couple’s lives, and our hearts felt truly blessed by their warmth towards us.

An added bonus was in our meeting Lisa’s 94-year-old mom. This bright, cheerful lady insisted on getting out on a chilly day to mark her ballot in the Federal Election, despite having a fractured back.

The vivid autumn hues on our drive up from Kingston to our friends’ idyllic surroundings by the lake, while truly impressive, were outshone by our visit and fellowship.

Heaven kissed earth for us as Bob and Lisa welcomed us into their home amidst hugs, handshakes and greetings, after all these years.

 

It was truly a little bit o’ heaven on earth.

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Robert Aucoin’s website: *www.ironartcanada.com

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The above post is a modified edition of an article published in Black's column, P-Pep! in The Standard Guide Advocate, October 29, 2015.
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Peter's second book is a compilation of inspirational articles on a variety of themes from his weekly column. These are interspersed with brief expressions intended to encourage. Ebook edition is available through Amazon.

 

ISBN: 978-0-9920074-2-3 (Angel Hope Publishing)

Email
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Peter's first book: “Parables from the Pond” – a children's / family book (mildly educational, inspirational in orientation, character reinforcing). Finalist – Word Alive Press. ISBN: 1897373-21-X. The book has found a place in various settings with a readership ranging from kids to senior adults. Black's inspirational column, P-Pep! appears weekly in The Standard Guide-Advocate (of Southwestern Ontario). His articles have appeared in 50 Plus Contact and testimony, and several newspapers in Ontario.

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