Friendship – Lending a Listening Ear

Are you a ‘Facebooker’ or ‘Twitter tweeter’? Both or neither?

Invitations come from people known and unknown to me, as they likely do you, requesting me to join them on Facebook and other online networks. It’s really nice. I confess: my friends and online ‘would-be’ friends might not appreciate my lack of response to their posts and friend requests, though. (Hey, perhaps you’re among them. My apologies.)

Our last visit with May's sister Barbara

in Scotland. She died shortly after. 

My wife May and I have numerous relatives and friends in Canada and abroad. She keeps in touch with many of them online in our behalf. I have personal friends and good acquaintances at points across this country. And yet, it’s people who are in geographical and physical proximity who more often gain my attention and time. Consequently, during the past two years I’ve cut way back on online networking.

Have I retreated into an unsociable shell? No. Rather, I’m connecting with various people around me and over time have assumed area commitments, and of necessity am relegating cyberspace involvements to a smaller corner of life, for now.

A town near Glasgow

I snapped this coffee shop moment of 

May with my eldest sister Chris and 

bro-in-law Norman who, in their eighties 

share friendship and hospitality with people 

of all ages, in Jesus' name.

My intention isn’t to be unfriendly. However, the folks with whom I engage in these face-to-face, ‘flesh-and-blood’ encounters are near at hand, in my ‘hood.’ They’re currently part of my life—and our lives, since my wife also shares in certain of these connections.

For example: Dwayne,* a senior gentleman, chats with us in the coffee shop. His wife’s in nursing care forty-five kilometres away and is drifting further and further from him and deeper into dementia. Mindy, an octogenarian widowed friend, invites us round to her place for tea. I’m a talker, but I can listen, too. Fact is, most everyone likes to be heard. These folks like to talk face-to-face and know that someone is listening.

And then, there’s our friends, Frank and Sheila, also seniors, who, although having no kids or grandkids, politely listen when we and other folk proudly share our kid and grandkid stories. And there’s the guy who doesn’t claim to be a Christian but gets hyped up about religion, government and what’s going on in the world. Others shoulder some pretty heavy burdens. These all appreciate a little time spent with them. 

Biblical wisdom says that those who want to have friends must themselves demonstrate friendship (Ref. Proverbs 18:24). When you and I invest in friendship let’s do so with sincerity and in behalf of Jesus our Lord, who invested His life in humanity and gave Himself up to the death of the cross to reconcile us to God and restore our relationship with Him.

And so, whether our friendly connections are carried through cyberspace, or occur across a room or only inches apart on the other side of a table, may the life and grace of Jesus flow, and may people be brought into His saving grace.

Thanks for lending me your listening ear. I feel better already!

~~~

* All names except my wife’s and those in the photo captions have been changed for privacy.

~~+~~

Peter A. Black is a retired pastor – well, sort of retired – and lives in Southwestern Ontario. He writes a weekly inspirational newspaper column, P-Pep! and is author of Raise Your Gaze ... Mindful Musings of a Grateful Heart, and Parables from the Pond – a children's / family book. ~~+~~

Turning Sad into Glad by Glynis M Belec

       I try to get along with people as best as I can for I figure what’s the use of being an opinionated, grouchy person whose busyness trumps stopping to ‘smell the roses’?

      Over the past seven years or so I’ve discovered life’s too short and my whirlwind days are better spent fitting in as much joy, kindness and love as I can muster. Days don’t always start out that way (I’m only human). Sometimes that opinionated, grouchy side tries to claw her way out. That’s when I open the trunk and dig out the armour – beginning with the Word of God.

       Reading scripture sure helps. So I try to do that every morning right before “Miss Grouchy, Opinionated Self” gets out of bed.

       Yesterday, I had lunch with a friend. Gillian (I will call her). I met her a few years ago at a fundraiser for ovarian cancer and for some reason we hit it off, stayed in touch and now we get together every so often.

       Gillian struggles with depression and sometimes she just needs to get away and talk. As we nibbled on our Greek salads yesterday, she shared about her friend who had recently committed suicide. Absolutely heartbreaking. We ate slowly. I wanted to say the right things. My “fix-it” side floundered. There was nothing I could say to take away her immediate pain and bring her friend back. I felt God tell my brain to calm down, to shut up and to listen. So I did (as difficult as that was for me).

Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, 

slow to speak, slow to anger 

James 1:19

If one gives an answer before he hears, it is his folly and shame.                  

Proverbs 18:13

           Gillian continued to pour out her heart – even confessing that she had such thoughts sometimes but wasn’t sure what caused her friend to cross the line. Then the tables turned. God opened the door. A few words flowed and then during our discussion the focus shifted from indescribable sadness to grateful gladness.

           Nothing had changed except the flow of our conversation.

          “I don’t know how people who have no faith in God, do it,” Gillian finally said, tearing up.

           We both agreed and by the time we had taken our last sips of tea, we were hugging and planning another get-together. Jesus gives us Divine appointments. This lunch date with Gillian was no exception.

She left feeling a little better that she was able to share a bit of her pain. I left grateful to God

that He had made me slow down and shut up long enough to listen; to really listen.

           In this crazy, helter-skelter world filled with so much scorn for the Saviour on so many levels, it’s good to find focus in the Word.

           We’ll never fix everything no matter how hard we try, but in the Word there is comfort, hope, and a thousand ways to turn sadness into gladness; starting with – In the Beginning. 

Very truly I tell you, you will weep and mourn while the world rejoices. 

You will grieve, but your grief will turn to joy. 

John 16:20

        Glynis lives, loves, laughs and does an awful         lot of reading, writing, publishing and                 praying in her home office. 

        How thrilled Glynis is to be part of 

        GOOD GRIEF PEOPLE (Angel Hope                     Publishing) - an anthology filled with stories         that help readers recognize, honour and               celebrate  the individuality of grief. 

      

                               www.glynisbelec.com 

    

Hearing the Inner Voice - Eleanor Shepherd

This month’s issue of Christianity Today includes an interview with classics scholar, Sarah Ruden. She grew up in mainstream liberal Christianity and came into a personal relationship with Christ through her involvement with Quaker believers after spending many years away from Christianity. What spoke to her was the atmosphere of the Quaker community with the caring for one another. Everyone who was part of the community had a task to do and these were shared and rotated, so that all took their turns with the less desirable as well as the more pleasant tasks. What Sarah noted was that they appreciated the contribution of each other. That kind of openness and encouragement created an environment where she was able to sense the presence of God. She talks about hearing a voice inside her saying that everything would be okay.

While I was on vacation, I had the opportunity to do some pleasure reading and I was spellbound by Angelina Fast-Vlaar’s account of her grief experience in Seven Angels for Seven Days. Again, she speaks several times of being in situations where she received that same kind of inner assurance, and inevitably, the setting for her reception of this message was the kindness of others, whom she felt were God’s angels sent her way when she so desperately needed them.

I recalled my own experience of dealing with our son’s accident when he became a quadriplegic. In all of the pain and turmoil of our grief, there were times when we were able to hear that inner voice assuring us that everything was under control, in spite of the circumstances in which we found ourselves. Those who created the safe place where we could hear that message were our friends from around the world who prayed. Equally importantly were our longtime loyal friends who were there to do mundane things like take me away from the hospital to see the hairdresser and provide a winter coat for my husband Glen when he arrived from France in the middle of a freezing Canadian winter, with just a spring overcoat. Sometimes it was just coming to be with us as we kept vigil outside the surgical intensive care unit.

On Friday mornings in my regular prayer time, I pray specifically for several different countries that I know something about personally. One of these countries is Haiti. On Friday, January 8^, 2010, when I was praying for Haiti, I was given a particular verse for this country, as I use the Scriptures in my prayer time. It was Acts 4:30 in the Contemporary English version of the Bible. “Show your mighty power, as we heal people and work miracles and wonders in the name of your holy Servant Jesus.” I had no idea what that verse was going to mean for the country of Haiti in the months that would follow the event occurring four days later. Both those who have gone and continue to go to Haiti and those who provide help from afar are involved in working miracles and wonders in the name of Jesus. As a result the people of Haiti can tell of occasions when they have heard that inner voice assuring them that they are not alone and that the Eternal God is not only aware of their situation. He is with them in it.

If as the people of God we want to see others discover the riches of the faith we hold, I believe that we will best do so by our thoughtfulness. As we respectfully create listening spaces for others, they will be able to discern that inner voice that quietly assures us that He is in control and we can bring everything to Him. He longs to welcome us each one of us and make us whole.

http://wipfandstock.com/store/More_Questions_than_Answers_Sharing_Faith_by_Listening

We Live in Hope - MANN

Isn’t it funny that you never notice how many white cars there are around until you actually buy one? Then it seems that there’s one sitting in every drive on your street. That often happens as well with writing, personal issues or even health problems. Sometimes one thing leads you into another and very soon, you learn that several other people share the same experience.

Rather than finding this disturbing and swallowing pride that we’re not the only one having a pity party or suffering through something, it’s more helpful to see it as supportive. Just think of the myriad of people who can share with you how they found their way through the smoke and mirrors and finally came out at the end – relieved, happy and ready to begin again. Perhaps you could think of the old cliché “There’s safety in numbers” and realize that if others can survive in similar situations, than you can too.

Recently, I decided to redesign my web site, begin to blog and make some of my grief articles available through download. This is a major task and at times, I wondered at the wisdom of setting up a new site. Talking myself out of it at times, convincing myself that I had other things I could be doing. Then I became aware of many people, all ages, who suffer in grief and who would benefit from visiting a fresh web site and gleaning supportive information.

The more I began to work in it, the less work it became. The more I reread articles I had written in the past, the more relevant they became to the present. The more I looked at the grief issues I’d resourced over the years, the more powerful they became for future research.

In a recent email, I counted nine grief issues that had played havoc in the sender’s everyday life. In a contemporary novel I’m reading, the characters are coping with several issues of grief, all at the same time. And when I watch the news, grief visits most situations. As I look around my own life, I see grief weaving itself in and through my week. Yes, it’s something we live individually, but it’s also, something we share together. And so this is one area that as I work anew in grief ministry, I realize there are many others in the same area offering valid ministry, as well as countless people managing their grief in different ways.

When I ministered in the West, my husband and I went to a dinner meeting at a local Canadian Armed Forces Base. A picture hung over the fireplace, and remained indelible in my mind’s eye. A group of people walk together on a path leading from a backdrop of fire and desolation. They all have something in common with one another. They have come from a collective experience. They are wounded. They are all going in the same direction and they are leaning on each other.
So it is in most things we do. So it is in the grief we experience. So it is in the hope we celebrate.
Donna Mann

http://www.donnamann.org/

'Prophets' of a Sort - Black

It was not at all unusual that I should be the last to finish eating, since I’m a notoriously slow eater, the master of the thirty-two-chew brigade – and that’s just the jelly! And there I sat again, the last of over one hundred men to swallow my final morsel. I had company, though. All had left the dining hall except one white-haired fellow sitting opposite me, just taking a little time to let his dinner settle. The exposed areas of his bearded face revealed deep lines. His voice, gruff and gravelly, but his manner, pleasant.

Hmm. Probably about sixty-nine at the younger end. Maybe more likely seventy-three or four, I mused. Then I initiated conversation.

“Are you still in the workforce?” was my play-it-safe intention. But no, abandoning caution, I actually ventured, “Are you in retirement?”

“Lord, no,” he said. “How I wish! Coupla’ years t’go ... I’ll soon turn sixty-three. I’m a trucker.”

I’ve no idea how successfully I camouflaged my surprise, but did manage to swallow the mouthful of water I’d just sucked in during his reply, without rudely expelling it all over the place.

He resumed, “Now, I’m not saying you look old or anything, But I’d say you were seventy-three or four.”

What? It was just as well I hadn’t taken another swig from my glass!

“Actually, Lord sparing me, I’ll be sixty-four in the spring,” I responded, my face in a wide grin, chuckling lightly at the incongruity of it all. The joke was on me–not that any was intended.

My trucker table companion was more a prophet in the matter than I, a preacher. He’d voiced to me what I had thought regarding him! I still smile when I think of that encounter. Smile that in the silence of my thoughts I’d looked on the outward appearance and gauged him to be so much older than he was, and he, in his spoken thoughts, revealed that he’d done exactly the same thing of me.

My thoughts ran on. I wonder if he knows the Lord and attends a church fellowship somewhere. As our conversation unfolded, I learned that this man had been long afflicted with back trouble, constantly exacerbated by his trucking duties. The pain was unbearable. He had difficulty facing the rigours of his work. Someone invited him to attend a service in a St. Thomas, Ontario, church. Prayer was offered for the sick. He stood in his place between the pews, in agony. However, the moment came when, right on the spot where he stood, he realized the pain was gone. Gone. Incredible! He could hardly believe it. But believe it he did. The Spirit of God had touched him.

That man (I don’t recall his name) became a firm believer in Jesus as Lord and Saviour, and now gathers regularly with others to give thanks to the One who healed his back and brought him into a personal relationship of peace with God, with the joy of the Lord in his soul.

He’s still truckin’ on, and I’m still engaging in conversations with people and writing slices of their stories, giving them a voice–or, let’s say, another voice – so that they can speak to a different audience than in the everyday context of their lives. I guess that my white haired, gravel-voiced table-talk friend and I are both prophets of a sort, after all.

Peter writes a weekly column in the Watford Guide Advocate

His first book "Parables from the Pond" was published by

Word Alive Press in 2008

Written for children, read and enjoyed by all ages.

http://www.freewebs.com/authorpeterablack

Why Listen? - Eleanor Shepherd

It seems ironic for a writer to insist on the need to listen, yet I believe it is a skill we need to cultivate, particularly if we call ourselves Christian.

Why do we need to learn to listen? The world we live in is a complex one. With the idea being promulgated that truth is always relative, it is difficult for any of us to find solid convictions in which to anchor our lives. This is true both inside and outside the church, and particularly so for a post-modern generation.

Those of us who grew up in the modern era were handed down some truths that we were to accept without question. We were forced to make a choice. We could accept what we were taught or we could reject it and find our own set of beliefs.
When tolerance became the supreme Canadian value, it was no longer acceptable for us to hand down truths to the next generation. We could make suggestions but we had to leave them to make their own decisions. Anything that we held onto without questioning was suspect. While there were positive aspects to such an approach, the church suffered many casualties. Perhaps the reason was that the beliefs that were handed down had not been examined and integrated into life.

What does all of this have to do with listening? Listening is an essential part of learning what makes sense and what does not. As we try on ideas and philosophies, it is in the testing of them that we find whether or not they can become an anchor that will hold us steady in the storms of life. That testing often takes place in our conversation with one another. As we share our lives, we affirm to each other what it is that keeps us going and where we find the strength to cope.

With eyes wide open we need to ask the hard questions that test our faith, so we will discover if we really do have something that will hold us when we need it. We ask ourselves, “Do I really believe that Jesus is with me in the maze that my life sometimes seems to be, like He accompanied his friends on the road to Emmaus?” “On what do I base my convictions?”

Here is a tough question. Do we have the courage to ask someone outside the church to tell us about the god in whom they do not believe? If we dare to ask, we may be surprised to discover the god in whom they do not believe is a god in whom we do not believe either. We all have a distorted picture of God at best. The often rejected god is not the God the Bible tells us about.

By listening to the genuine questions of other people, we will learn a lot about God and about ourselves. By listening to their questions, we may also find that they challenge our assumptions and teach us to live with some ambiguity. This can be for us the beginning of our walk into a genuine faith, that admits to not having all the answers.

Barking Dogs and Other Distractions - Harris

Feeling frazzled. Turn off the television, the radio, the dvds. Move that barking dog away from the window. And listen to the silence. Try it for one minute. I bet that minute seems like hours. Try it for two. Or three. Or four.

I bet you are squirming in your seat. Or maybe not. Maybe you have tuned into something that lies hidden most of the time. Maybe you are hearing God's voice.

We are so used to filling the 'dead air' that we often do not time to listen in silence. So used to noise and distractions that we cannot think straight.

For writers who are Christian, not taking time to listen in silence can be deadly to the quality of our work and to our message.

It happens when we rush to fill up the page in the same way we rush to fill up our days with 'stuff.' It happens when we decide to reach a word count that goes beyond the message God has given us to write. When we add our own 'stuff.'

It happens when we are so busy listening to political or cultural influences that we mistake those for the voice of God. I grew up in an environment that said a 'good Christian' was supposed to think and write and act and vote in a way that fits with their peers. A lot of people where I live still think that way. When that happens sermons are more about politics than Jesus. The Christian life beomes more about fitting in than finding Jesus. More lifestyle than faith. (Neither conservative or liberal churches are immune from it.)

So how do we stay on track? I think it helps if we remove ourselves from fray sometimes.

It's that silence we need, along with prayer and meditation, that keeps us 'salt and light.'

Jane Harris

The Teacher Within - Shepherd

What happens to us when we confront a learning situation is determined by our inner state. When we use the opportunities that arise to sort out our internal world, we prepare to explore new concepts.
A woman’s tears taught Fred Rogers this profound lesson about attuning to what is happening inside. In his book The World According to Mister Rogers (Hyperion, New York, 2003, page 126), the well-known Presbyterian minister who hosted the captivating children’s television show: "Mister Roger’s Neighborhood" recounts the incident. As a seminary student, he vacationed at a small town in New England. Sunday morning he went to hear a visiting preacher. In his opinion, the sermon was the worst he had ever heard.
As the sermon concluded, Fred Rogers looked at the woman beside him and saw her tears. Then he heard her murmur, “He said exactly what I needed to hear.”
That morning he learned that how we come to worship profoundly impacts the value of that time of worship for us. What is happening inside will determine the impact of what we hear.
Fred Rogers admits, “Somehow the words of that poorly crafted sermon had been translated into a message that spoke to her heart. On the other hand, I had come in judgment, and I heard nothing but the faults. “ Coming with an attitude of need to fill the void in her life, she received teaching that helped her find her way. The seminary student’s failure to recognize his inner needs prevented him from hearing anything of value.
Fred Rogers learned his lesson well. He came to value and encourage that awareness we need to develop the world within, so we can learn to allow God to speak in the silent place and take us into new explorations about life and about ourselves.
An example was an event that happened at the White House many years later. Many distinguished educators gathered for a conference where they were presenting before the President their accumulated academic theories of education. Among them was Fred Rogers. Since time was limited, each presenter was permitted a maximum of eight minutes for their discourse. When Mister Rogers’ turn came, he began by inviting those who were present to take the first three minutes and recall the teacher or instructor who had had the most profound impact on their lives.
People were astonished that he would waste three minutes of his valuable talking time this way. However, several months later, some of the same educators gathered for another event. As they talked together they discovered that the only speaker who had left a lasting impact was Fred Rogers. They did not remember the theories or profound wisdom that had been shared by the other speakers. However, all of them could recall the person they thought about during the three minutes at the beginning of Mister Rogers’ presentation and what he had said about the impact of such a teacher. Maybe the greatest teacher is to one who helps us learn to listen and attend to the still small voice within.

Eleanor Shepherd