When I made the move to give my life over to the Lord, I had held one thing back - my singing voice. I had been a trained coloratura soprano, who hated opera! I took the voice God gave me and chose to sing in bars instead of accepting a scholarship to Julliard's based on my opera singing. Yes ... I was a stupid 18 year old.
When I finally gave ALL of my life to the Lord, not just my heart, I committed to singing for Him. It wasn't easy. The only hymn I knew at the time was Amazing Grace. I had no idea what I would sing, how I would be accompanied and more importantly, where I would sing. So I prayed, "Lord, if you want me to sing for you, make my path clear."
One month later I received a guitar for my birthday from my parents. I knew the basics, as I had taken lessons when I was twelve, but I had the overwhelming feeling that God wanted me to use it to accompany myself. What was I to do? Sing Amazing Grace at church all the time? Besides, I could barely remember the chords. God, I thought, was joking with me. So, I prayed, "Lord, if you want me to play the guitar and sing for you, please teach me how to play this thing." Within one year I had written over 22 songs and was proficient enough to "take it on the road."
But where would I go? I knew absolutely no one in Christian music ministry. So, I prayed, "Lord, show me what to do next. Where do I go?"
The following day I received a phone call to come and sing at Teen Challenge. I was so incredibly afraid that I would have to play my guitar in front of people, that I said no! God gave me another chance and I received a call from Teen Ranch to come and play for the weekend. I made lots of excuses - I'd never played my guitar in public before, all the songs were my own, etc., they said, "Come anyway. We'll be your sounding board." So, I went and from that day forward I never lacked for places to sing. I never called anyone or promoted myself in any way. God was my "booking agent".
The songs also kept flowing and before I knew it I was on 100 Huntley St. debuting one of them. Some were even recorded by other artists and played on the radio. I recorded an album and appeared on 100 Huntley St. again. I continued singing until the the fall of 2000 when a tumour was discovered in my abdomen. During its removal something went wrong and I almost died. When I woke up, my throat was very sore. I was assured it was due to the tubes that had been stuck down my throat and it would go away. The doctors were right. The soreness did go away, but whenever I attempted to sing my voice would crack. I could no longer hit the high notes I loved. The power in my voice was gone. This continued on for months, until I realized I would never sing again like I used to.
My depression and anger with God over losing my voice was overwhelming. I felt like one of my arms or legs had been cut off. I now had no purpose. Sure, I was a wife and mother and I loved those jobs, but for me it wasn't enough. I had nothing to offer back to the Lord. I was like a ship without a rudder. The creative side of me needed an outlet, the spiritual side of me needed to share the gospel. I didn't know how to do this anymore. So, I prayed, "Lord, what can I do now?"
He said, "Write about me."
Little did I know what a healing process that would be. Until next time!