It’s difficult for me to ask for anything. After all I was
raised in a German family where my father helped me build character by telling
me to “figure it out.” I didn’t have Google and YouTube to guide me through
unknown minefields so I learned to become self-reliant and resilient.
My first husband taught me to use words and “ask” when I
wanted him to vacuum or help out in the kitchen after dinner. It was a magical
revelation that saved me lots of frustration and angst. But, I always thought if someone loved you enough they would just know
that you need help; why should you have to ask?
The Bible tells us to ask: “If you ask me anything in my
name, I will do it” (John 14: 14). I
will never fully fathom the depth of God’s love for me or understand the
mystery of prayer.
But if God loves me so much,
can’t He just read my thoughts and make it happen?
In the last two months after the sudden death of my beloved
second husband, my self-reliance and “figure it out” belief flew out the
window. I needed help with my raw and fragmented
life. I had to learn to ask.
“God please help me find someone to shovel my driveway.” God
sent a mysterious angel and then a young man who shovelled my driveway all
winter.
“God, where is that beeping noise coming from and how do I
make it stop?’ God led me to the
thermostat that needed new batteries.
“God, please heal my flu so that I can get me onto that
plane this Christmas.” God nudged me that I needed to go to the Emergency Ward
to discover that it wasn’t just the flu. God sent neighbours, friends and a
great Doctor to uncover a more serious health condition that needed to be
resolved quickly.
“God, how am I going to start cooking alone in this
kitchen?” God sent a friend to stay with me for 3 days to help me organize some
meals and renew my desire to create my own meals.
I asked and asked and asked.
“God, how do I find this? How do I fix this? God help me figure this out.” I still don’t
understand why I have to ask, but I know that I do. Maybe He is trying to teach me that He has the
whole world at my disposal, but like a huge bank account, He doesn’t want me to
spend it all at once. Maybe He wants me to trust Him so that He can unleash my
life in the way He designed me in my mother’s womb. Maybe, He wants me to let
go of my stubborn, prideful self-reliance and learn to relax in His perfect
plan for me life.
In this lifetime I will probably never understand why I have
to ask. But I’m glad I do, because I know the One who
holds the answers.
Heidi McLaughlin lives in the beautiful vineyards of the Okanagan Valley
in Kelowna, British Columbia. Heidi has been widowed twice. She is a mom and
step mom of a wonderful, eclectic blended family of 5 children and 12
grandchildren. When Heidi is not working, she loves to curl up with a great
book, or golf and laugh with her family and special friends.
Her latest book RESTLESS FOR MORE: Fulfillment in Unexpected Places
(Including a FREE downloadable Study Guide) is now available at Amazon.ca;
Amazon.com, Goodreads.com or her website: www.heartconnection.ca
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3 comments:
Heidi, thank you for your vulnerability and generosity in sharing from the inside track of your current journey. Hmm, it can be a challenge to overcome the human tendency to muddle through instead of exercising humility and demonstrating dependency upon our Father God by taking our concerns to Him in prayer, moment by moment. May you receive continuing comfort and care in the days and months ahead. ~~+~~
"But if God loves me so much, can’t He just read my thoughts and make it happen?"
Heidi, you took the words right out of my life! I am pretty 'self reliant' (aka stubborn) when it comes to asking for help. But what insight you have offered today. So very true about how God instructs us in His Word, to ask. So many times it is written! Actually about 119 times if Miss Google is correct. :)
I have lots of stories about how actually asking changed my life - although I will admit, I still struggle with it sometimes.
Thanks for these profound words of encouragement and I am glad that you have some beautiful people stepping in to answer your 'asks'. x
I've had two husbands leave me through death as you have. I've had to learn how to ask, too. I'd rather do it myself, but there are times when I can't and I have to ask. There are times that I use up a lot of energy before I'm willing to do it, but I'm still learning. It's comforting to know that others struggle with it too. I've thought a lot about you since the death of your husband because I feel a connection through our circumstances.
Blessings!
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