IS THAT A "Should" ON YOUR SHOULDER? - by Heidi McLaughlin

“If you had only thirty days to live, what is one thing in your life that you would stop right now? This provoking question fueled a lively discussion among my group of friends. After much animated banter, one main theme glaringly came into focus: Eliminate the life-sucking “shoulds”from our daily activities. We agreed that many of succumb to the guilt-induced obligations because we are afraid that people might not like us or approve of us. The interaction got even livelier as we tried to determine the obligations we needed to let go of so that we could enjoy the vibrant, fulfilling life that Jesus came to model for us.

There is one main statement I hear among women these days: “I am so tired!”It is a proven statistic that today we sleep 1-1/2 hours less that we did one hundred years ago.[i] More motor vehicle accidents are being reported because men and women are falling asleep at the wheel. There is an increase of sleep disorders, illnesses, depression and anxiety. What does this have to do with the “shoulds” in our daily activities? Many of us are working very hard to meet the demands of every day existence, but sadly, we also succumb to the “shoulds” that deplete our energy, cause our stress and rob us of freedom and joy. I think it is crucial that I ask myself this question: “As an author, do I write because it is my passion, it fills my soul, it gives me joy, or, do I write because I don’t want to disappoint people or even try to prove something?”

Whenever I am in doubt, I look to Jesus who modeled the abundant, fulfilling life. I can visualize him looking around at a ragged, bunch of over-zealous, overburdened humans and He was compelled to say this: “Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you'll recover your life. I'll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won't lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you'll learn to live freely and lightly" (Matthew 11:29 MSG).

Whenever I read these words I feel like I want to curl up in His lap and cry. I want to get away from all the unnecessary shoulds in my life and learn how to live the “unforced rhythms of grace.” I need to be confident and bold enough to say “yes” to only those things that I have been created to do. Marcus Buckingham, the author of Find Your Strongest Life, says this about the shoulds. “Because you neglect the specific moments that strengthen you, your life gradually becomes filled up with the grab bag of activities and responsibilities. You may have a good reason for taking on each of these responsibilities-everything from…’If I don’t do this, no one else will’ to A good mother should do this.” [ii]Unfortunately this barrage of demands makes women feel responsible and we end up doing things that are not part of God’s plan for our lives.

So how do we find those “unforced rhythms of grace” and begin to say no to the “shoulds” and find that rest we so desperately need? Let’s walk with Jesus and learn from Him:

1.         He knew His purpose. Yes, he worked hard, but he always focused on His purpose in life…”to do the will of His Father”  (John 8:28; Matthew 26:39).
2.         He prayed. Early in the morning He went up to secluded places to talk to His Father (Luke 6:12, Mark 1:35, Luke 5:16).
3.         He fed on the word of God. When He was vulnerable and tempted, He told Satan, “It is written” (Matthew 4:4, 10).
4.         He slept when He was tired. In the midst of chaos and storms, Jesus was able to sleep because His soul was at rest (Matthew 8:24).
5.         He was thankful for His present circumstances. Before Jesus performed miracles, or broke the bread and served the wine-He looked up to Heaven and prayed (John 11:41, Mark 14:22).
6.         He owned very little “stuff”. He was not obsessed with accumulating new clothes, toys or technical equipment that seems to consume our time (Matthew 8:20).

Trying to please everyone in this life is exhausting; it drains us of energy when we succumb to the authority of other people instead of Christ. Oh that we might learn to let go of some of the ugly “shoulds” in our life and move into step with Jesus as we practice the unforced rhythms of grace.

[i] http://psychcentral.com/lib/2010/sleep-deprived-nation/ (August 24^th, 2012)

[ii] Marcus Buckingham, Find Your Strongest Life: What the Happiest and Most Successful Women Do Differently (Nashville, TN: Thomas Nelson, 2009) 90, 91.

Heidi McLaughlin lives in the beautiful vineyards of the Okanagan Valley in Kelowna, British Columbia, Canada. She is married to Pastor Jack and they have a wonderful, eclectic blended family of 5 children and 9 grandchildren. When Heidi is not working, she loves to curl up with a great book, or golf and laugh with her husband and special friends. You can reach her at: www.heartconnection.ca

THE CURIOUS WAITING ROOM - by Heidi McLaughlin

Waiting frustrates me. It feels like an idle weapon of mass destruction ruining my precious time. Hanging on with limited patience to pay for my groceries, my laptop to fire up, for my left over dinner to re-heat, or a live human to answer a phone call; puts my teeth on edge. I’m like the little child in the back seat of the car impatiently pleading and whining, “Are we there yet-when are we going to get there?” 

God has been teaching me a different kind of waiting. Every Wednesday evening as I facilitate a Bible Study, I am surrounded by ten beautiful and eager women who desire to learn more about God. In the last few months we have been on a journey of discovery to learn to listen when God speaks to us.  As we share our personal stories of heartbreaks, waiting for a “big break” or physical healing, we pray and wait for God to answer our specific prayers. One of our women sits in a wheel chair because she had a ruptured aneurysm two years ago and we are waiting for her complete healing. One evening as we shared stories of what God has been teaching us over the past few months, my friend in the wheel chair answered very clearly: “God has taught me to wait.” I could feel the air being sucked out of the room as we all sat there raw and stunned.  Here is a woman who was in a coma, has just learned to speak again, has taken her first step and has hopes of walking her daughter down the aisle one day. But through this storm she has learned one of life’s most valuable lessons; to wait on God.

As I speak to audiences across our beautiful nation of Canada, I often hear women say: “Some days it feels as though we are standing in the middle of storms where we are shaken to our toes.” As I empathize with their personal dilemmas, I refocus them by giving new hope and strength by teaching them how to make valuable use of their “waiting time”. I tell the curious story about a chicken and the eagle.

When a storm comes, chickens run around madly flapping their wings, squawking, going in circles, digging in the same old dirt and going nowhere. The eagle is different. When it sees a storm approaching it sits on a rock and waits. As the storm draws nearer, the eagle rises up to catch the wind’s current so that the eagle can soar effortlessly and freely.  In fact, the eagle uses the strength of the wind to lift it higher and soar beyond its normal abilities. The eagle waits “expectantly.”

Expectant waiting is not aimlessly sitting in the front of the TV in yesterday’s pajamas, flicking channels, munching on junk food and hoping the next day will be different. It is knowing that God will use the storms in your life to make you more beautiful from the inside out.  

Many of you are in the middle of a storm. Please stop with me right now. Remember to wait expectantly by resting on the rock, Jesus Christ, and be reminded of some wonderful promises. One of them being: “Yet those who wait for the Lord will gain new strength; they will mount up with wings like eagles, they will run and not get tired, they will walk and not become weary” (Isaiah 40:32 NASB).Hang on my friend by waiting and hanging onto the rock, Jesus Christ, until the storm passes. 

Heidi McLaughlin lives in the beautiful vineyards of the Okanagan Valley in Kelowna, British Columbia. She is married to Pastor Jack and they have a wonderful, eclectic blended family of 5 children and 9 grandchildren. When Heidi is not working, she loves to curl up with a great book, or golf and laugh with her husband and special friends. You can reach her at: www.heartconnection.ca