IS THAT A "Should" ON YOUR SHOULDER? - by Heidi McLaughlin

“If you had only thirty days to live, what is one thing in your life that you would stop right now? This provoking question fueled a lively discussion among my group of friends. After much animated banter, one main theme glaringly came into focus: Eliminate the life-sucking “shoulds”from our daily activities. We agreed that many of succumb to the guilt-induced obligations because we are afraid that people might not like us or approve of us. The interaction got even livelier as we tried to determine the obligations we needed to let go of so that we could enjoy the vibrant, fulfilling life that Jesus came to model for us.

There is one main statement I hear among women these days: “I am so tired!”It is a proven statistic that today we sleep 1-1/2 hours less that we did one hundred years ago.[i] More motor vehicle accidents are being reported because men and women are falling asleep at the wheel. There is an increase of sleep disorders, illnesses, depression and anxiety. What does this have to do with the “shoulds” in our daily activities? Many of us are working very hard to meet the demands of every day existence, but sadly, we also succumb to the “shoulds” that deplete our energy, cause our stress and rob us of freedom and joy. I think it is crucial that I ask myself this question: “As an author, do I write because it is my passion, it fills my soul, it gives me joy, or, do I write because I don’t want to disappoint people or even try to prove something?”

Whenever I am in doubt, I look to Jesus who modeled the abundant, fulfilling life. I can visualize him looking around at a ragged, bunch of over-zealous, overburdened humans and He was compelled to say this: “Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you'll recover your life. I'll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won't lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you'll learn to live freely and lightly" (Matthew 11:29 MSG).

Whenever I read these words I feel like I want to curl up in His lap and cry. I want to get away from all the unnecessary shoulds in my life and learn how to live the “unforced rhythms of grace.” I need to be confident and bold enough to say “yes” to only those things that I have been created to do. Marcus Buckingham, the author of Find Your Strongest Life, says this about the shoulds. “Because you neglect the specific moments that strengthen you, your life gradually becomes filled up with the grab bag of activities and responsibilities. You may have a good reason for taking on each of these responsibilities-everything from…’If I don’t do this, no one else will’ to A good mother should do this.” [ii]Unfortunately this barrage of demands makes women feel responsible and we end up doing things that are not part of God’s plan for our lives.

So how do we find those “unforced rhythms of grace” and begin to say no to the “shoulds” and find that rest we so desperately need? Let’s walk with Jesus and learn from Him:

1.         He knew His purpose. Yes, he worked hard, but he always focused on His purpose in life…”to do the will of His Father”  (John 8:28; Matthew 26:39).
2.         He prayed. Early in the morning He went up to secluded places to talk to His Father (Luke 6:12, Mark 1:35, Luke 5:16).
3.         He fed on the word of God. When He was vulnerable and tempted, He told Satan, “It is written” (Matthew 4:4, 10).
4.         He slept when He was tired. In the midst of chaos and storms, Jesus was able to sleep because His soul was at rest (Matthew 8:24).
5.         He was thankful for His present circumstances. Before Jesus performed miracles, or broke the bread and served the wine-He looked up to Heaven and prayed (John 11:41, Mark 14:22).
6.         He owned very little “stuff”. He was not obsessed with accumulating new clothes, toys or technical equipment that seems to consume our time (Matthew 8:20).

Trying to please everyone in this life is exhausting; it drains us of energy when we succumb to the authority of other people instead of Christ. Oh that we might learn to let go of some of the ugly “shoulds” in our life and move into step with Jesus as we practice the unforced rhythms of grace.

[i] http://psychcentral.com/lib/2010/sleep-deprived-nation/ (August 24^th, 2012)

[ii] Marcus Buckingham, Find Your Strongest Life: What the Happiest and Most Successful Women Do Differently (Nashville, TN: Thomas Nelson, 2009) 90, 91.

Heidi McLaughlin lives in the beautiful vineyards of the Okanagan Valley in Kelowna, British Columbia, Canada. She is married to Pastor Jack and they have a wonderful, eclectic blended family of 5 children and 9 grandchildren. When Heidi is not working, she loves to curl up with a great book, or golf and laugh with her husband and special friends. You can reach her at: www.heartconnection.ca

Eating Elephants- Grove

It's an old proverb: How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time.

Sometimes elephants come crashing through our front door - uninvited, unexpected, they push their way in and take up all the room. Illness, job loss, relationship problems. Even a good problem like being too busy at work, or buying a new home can turn into fat, rude elephants and take over our lives.

I've been staring an elephant in the eye lately - maybe you have been too. And as I contemplate my elephant, I've been thinking about the best ways to take care of it. Should I push it back out the door, carve it up into manageable pieces, or just throw an area rug over it and hope no one notices? Hmmm

Have you ever noticed that when you first cut into an elephant with your quivering knife and fork that the initial cuts don't seem to make much of an impact on the elephant? They don't seem to be DOING anything! Such tiny bits come off - the elephant doesn't even notice, never misses them. It's so easy to drop our cutlery at this point, call it names like "Useless" and "Mistake".

But what would happen if we kept going? Kept jabbing and dicing. What if we didn't give up? What if we pursued our goal relentlessly? One small step at a time.

How do we hang on to our cutlery when all seems hopeless?

1) Remember you're not alone. God put you on the planet, but He didn't abandon you. He is with you. The Bible tells us that the Holy Spirit is a constant presence who teaches and guides each one of us. On top of that, God has supplied you with family, friends, people who love you. If you go to church, you also have a community of like-minded people who will support you. With all those knives and forks, it takes less time to get that elephant eaten.

2) Look your elephant in the eye. Elephants come in different shapes and sizes. Sometimes it's difficult to know just how big the thing really is because we are too upset, frightened, or depressed to give a good, close look. But when we examine our elephant an amazing thing happens - we calm down, stop being afraid, and can come up with a game plan. The elephant starts to shrink.

3) Remember you have choices. Don't let your elephant sit on you! Even in difficult circumstances you always have choices, options, and freedom of thought. Pray, talk to friends, and work to adjust your emotional response to the problem. You always have control over how you react to an elephant. Sometimes the way to change the world is to change the way you think about the world.

Problems come, and sometimes they are big, overwhelming, time consuming problems. Grab your cutlery, recruit your trusted friends and families, and lean hard on God. And don't give up.

Bonnie Grove is the author of Your Best You: Discovering and Developing the Strengths God Gave You (Beacon Hill Press, March 1, 2009). Pre-order your copy today at http://www.amazon.ca/, http://www.amazon.com/, http://www.tower.com/ or http://www.christianbooks.com/ or anywhere you like to buy books online.

The Strengths You Know - Grove

"Wait, which book is this?" My guest asked. It's confusing when someone writes both non-fiction and fiction. And there are days I wonder why I've managed to bog myself down in the fantastically huge worlds of both. But I have, and now I needed to explain which book was this.

"Your Best You: Discovering and Developing the Strengths God Gave You," I said. "It's about connecting to yourself and God via the strengths God chose for you." It's a mouthful, I admit, but its enough to get me revved up, to remember why I stepped foot in the non-fiction camp: because using your strengths changes your life.

Let me share with you a portion of the book - it's my favorite part, the part that glimpses heaven, the part where I share with you how I see God.

I have a mental picture – more like a movie - of what it looks like when God decides which strengths to give someone.

"God gazes down at a child (let's say the child is you), a big grin on His face. His eyes twinkle at the sight of you.

An angel stands behind Him, holding an enormous book filled with every good thing. Page after page of strengths, talents, and breathtaking abilities. Qualities that are found in The Creator of this child.

The angel thumbs through the book. "Most Holy One, which gifts will You give this child?"
God's eyes dance with delight as He ponders the wonders He can bestow upon you. He doesn’t want to rush this moment of joyous contemplation. He peers down at you, His smile growing.

Suddenly, God throws his head back and laughs with pure joy. The sound is like every bird on earth singing all at once. Oh, He knows you so well. He knows what will bring you joy.
The angel laughs with God. "Will you give this child courage? A love of nature? A sense of humor? Creativity?”

The Lord of Heaven and Earth touches your cheek. "To this child I’ve already given the greatest gift of all. I have given my Child, so that we can forever be connected, in relationship."

Then God, overflowing with happiness, throws His arms over His head and dances around you. "But even still, I have every good gift to give. I’m generous beyond all human measure. The joy it brings me is uncontainable."

The Almighty God, Creator of heaven and earth, bends down and whispers in your ear, "Here my child. These are for you. I give you these gifts. Grow in them. Explore them. Use them to bring glory to My name. Let them be a constant reminder of My great love for you." "

By connecting to God using the amazing gifts He gave you, will change everything. Will change you. And the best part about it? It's fun. Which just makes sense to me. God knows how difficult life can be, He knows the issues we face and the humanity of our human-ness. No wonder He equipped us from the beginning to face the world. What are your strengths? They are the refractions and reflections of God's character found in you.

Spend some time today thinking about the gifts God has entreasured you with by His infinite love and mercy. Praise Him for them, and then get using them!

Bonnie Grove is the author of the upcoming book Your Best You: Discovering and Developing the Strengths God Gave You (March 1, 2009, Beacon Hill Press). She is also the author of Talking to the Dead, a novel (summer 2009, David C. Cook). Visit Bonnie at www.bonniegrove.com and her blog http://www.fictionmatters.blogspot.com