Missing Michelle Duggar by Rose McCormick Brandon

When I slump in my chair and search for a television show conducive to relaxing, one that doesn’t leave my soul disturbed or my mind burdened, I often find nothing. Except the Duggars – a family of nineteen children headed by Jim-Bob and Michelle. Scrubbed clean, they discuss archaic subjects like courting, saving kissing until the wedding day and side-hugs. They play, shop, bake, pray, deliver babies and travel while people like me watch. Though much in their world is foreign to me, I like the purity of it.

Now there’s a word much maligned – purity.

In a sea of morally-challenged, barely-dressed women who flaunt their immodesty on television, Michelle Duggar is a breath of decency. Yes, she may go a little overboard with the sleeves, long dresses and no pants but her extremes help to bring balance to a society that has lost its modesty almost completely.

I marvel at Michelle’s organizational skills. Her family’s visits to the local grocery store, even their laundry routines and famous child jurisdictions fascinate me. Occasionally when the entire brood has appeared on a morning show, I noted that no teenagers rolled their eyes and the younger ones didn’t elbow, pout and clamor for their mother’s attention. How does she do it?

Now, Michelle’s show, Nineteen Kids and Counting, has ended.

It ended abruptly after the news broke that their oldest son, Josh, sexually molested younger girls when he was fourteen or fifteen. Criminal behaviour. No sympathies there.

Except to say that rehabilitation for teenage transgressors is generally good for society.

When the news of her son’s sins hit the air waves, criticism of Michelle and her husband roared into demolition gear. They criticized them for not having their son charged. Would most parents have called police? At present, not enough is known about the crime to answer this.

Michelle’s one of those nutty homeschoolers they said. In some minds, that relegated her to the nether regions with those in the armed isolationist movement.  A right-wing religionist, one journalist wrote. I know many homeschoolers. Almost all are building intelligent, high-quality students who go on to do well in life. They’re not anti-social nerds. I never considered homeschooling my three children. And if I had it to do over again I still wouldn’t. But I appreciate the enormous commitment of moms who turn their homes into classrooms, search out curricula and organize their lives around their children’s education.

Media types implied that Michelle must be responsible for her son’s behaviour. Where does that thinking land parents who, in spite of their best efforts, produce thieves, sexual deviates, murderers and an assortment of criminals? Many Christian parents grieve over choices made by their children. They lay awake at night, search their memories, lost in a sea of guilt attempting to understand where they went wrong. Contrast this with parents who lose not a wink of sleep, nor take any responsibility, for leading their children into lifestyles that cause them pain and dysfunction.

Another criticism. Michelle is a proponent of extreme motherhood. She is famous for saying, “Children are like flowers. You can never have too many of them.” Who can argue with her logic? She has chosen not to use contraceptives but to have “as many children as God gives her.” Most women don’t choose this option but it is an option and she has a right to choose it.

I want to hear Michelle talk about her sorrow over her son’s behaviour. Explain how she got through it, how she handled it, how it affected her. (She may get that chance in an upcoming interview with Fox.) Some people need to hear her – not to rebut her – but because a spoonful of godly wisdom may drop from her lips into welcoming ears.

With several exceptions, a lot of U.S. style television evangelism isn’t worth watching. That jet-owning, mansion-living, thousand-dollar suit crowd attract deserved criticism and stain the reputation of Christ-followers. Their distorted Christian message bears little resemblance to Jesus or His message in the Bible. 

In contrast, Michelle Duggar talks from the heart about God and how she depends on Him for wisdom and strength. When her youngest child lay in hospital for weeks, I was touched by her teary words about how she’d grown closer to the Lord during that difficult time.

I like her way.

In the dry-as-a-stick TV land of distorted evangelism and immoral lifestyles, Michelle Duggar was a welcome oasis.

And I miss her.

***

© Rose McCormick Brandon 2015. Rose McCormick Brandon is the author of four books: Promises of Home - Stories of Canada's British Home Children, One Good Word Makes all the Difference, He Loves Me Not, He Loves Me and Vanished. Visit her website Writing From the Heart. Two blogs: Promises of Home and Listening to my Hair Grow.

http://writingfromtheheart.webs.com

Childless Mother - Ayotte

My husband and I recently returned from a brief trip to Swift Current to attend our granddaughter’s Confirmation. As you can see by the picture, Grandpa is the proud sponsor. He was very pleased with the unbelievable honor she bestowed upon him. I witnessed his pleasure first hand when our granddaughter called and personally asked him. We hadn’t visited with them since before Christmas and we saw a huge change. The girls have grown and matured and as usual we enjoyed our short visit.

On the way home, we always listen to the local radio station to get a bit of news about the surrounding area. The talk show on this particular morning was about an unfortunate car accident that took place on March 29, 2009 in a small town just outside of Swift Current.

The topic immediately grabbed our attention because two of the mothers that had lost their daughters were being interviewed about the tragic event. Three young girls, two sixteen years of age, as well as a fourteen year old were making a left turn when a car driven by a seventeen year old male tried to pass them on the left. He was driving 128k/hr when he hit them. All three of the girls died in this horrible car accident. The mothers, the families, and the friends of these girls have been beside themselves with grief ever since their loss.

The young man happened to be sentenced the week before, therefore, the talk show revolved around the punishment received and whether it was adequate enough. Although the judge gave him a sentence to suit his age when the accident occurred, even though he is now eighteen years old, some people who called in to express their opinion, did not think he received enough of a sentence.

My heart goes out to the mothers who lost their daughters in the prime of their lives and in such a tragic way. They were both quite big minded despite their unbelievable loss. However, comments were made by some callers that this young man had his whole life to live while the girls had so sadly lost theirs by his reckless actions. Some felt that he did not show enough remorse.

Later on in the talk show, I briefly heard the comment that the young man was having difficulty coping since the accident. My heart goes out to him and his mother as well. Unless this man has no conscience at all, I cannot phantom that he has been unaffected by having had a hand in the death of these three young women.

I would have to think that he will somehow or other be scarred for life. He lives in a small town where he would have little or no anonymity. He will live with the reality of his careless actions for the rest of his life. He will probably marry one day and have children of his own. He may very well learn to pray and appreciate the quality of life when he faces his actions as a more mature individual.

Yes, those young girls, their families and their friends got robbed, but I personally do not envy the life that this young man now has to live. Anyone who thinks it is going to be easy is only fooling him/herself. I also feel for this young man, his family and his friends. I’m sure his mother’s heart is aching too because there is much more to face in her son’s life and he will need the support of them all. They have all lost so much and their lives are forever changed. Three mothers lost their daughters on March 29, 2009 and one mother lost the innocence that her young son can no longer enjoy. All four mothers lost children that fateful day. Only now, one has to live with his actions for the rest of his life. Not a fun way to grow up.


Author of “I’m Not Perfect And It’s Okay”

Why I Love Being a Hockey Mom - Schneider

Being a hockey mom has been one of the most intriguing, exhausting, enjoyable things I've ever done. I've learned almost as much about the game as our son, though he caught onto the concept of "off side" far sooner than I did.

But this year has also been discouraging. Myriad factors have resulted in our team losing almost every game they've played. It's been so hard to watch. And yet, after each game, the little players emerge from the dressing room with big grins. I ask, "Did you have fun?" The response is always, "Oh, yeah!"

Of course, at this time of year, hockey becomes more chore than anything else. We're all tired of the obligatory practices and games, the early mornings at the cold rink, the Sundays interrupted by the need to go cheer for the team. This past weekend was the first round of playoffs, and I could not bring myself to be unhappy at the thought of losing two more games. Two more games, and it would be over for another year. Relief!

Except the team with more heart than skill won both games this past weekend. We parents kept asking one another, "Who are those kids down there on the ice?" They played as a team. They passed. They worked together. They shot at the net, caught rebounds and shot again. And they won. (And I finally figured out what "off side" means.)

Now we face two more weeks of hockey practice, and one more weekend of games. I'm thrilled for our players, yet daunted by the continuing obligations.

How like my writing! I spend days struggling with the words, trying to find the right ones to communicate emotions and scenes. Sometimes I wonder why I even bother. Then just when I'm about to give up, epiphany occurs and the words flow. I reread what I've written, and wonder where it all came from.

That's what I've learned in 20 years of writing (and three years of being a hockey mom). Keep showing up. Keep putting words on the page (and skates on the ice). When you least expect it, it will all come together to amaze you.