What Mama Forgot To Tell Me-by Heidi McLaughlin

“Don’t use baby oil for sun tanning lotion.” Today as I scrutinize my face in the mirror, I wish my mother had warned me about all that ridiculous frying in the sun and the possibility of skin cancer.  But how would my mamma know? She didn’t have the luxury of loafing in the sun; she was too busy tending the garden, ironing our clothes and canning vegetables for the cold winter months ahead. Thank God I don't have skin cancer but I wish mama had taken the time to share some practical truths.

I wish my mamma had taken the time to share some practical truths.

For example:

1.         Marriage is hard work. Many parents think they are protecting their children by having heated disagreements behind closed doors. Guarding children from conflict and not modeling resolutions does not prepare them for future disputes and strife. Consequently, I did not know how to resolve conflict. In my first marriage I allowed my volatile emotions to dominate all disagreements which always ended in anger and unresolved power struggles. It was through God’s word that I learned to communicate with love rather than anger, followed by quick forgiveness. “Be gentle and ready to forgive; never hold grudges. Remember the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others” (Colossians 3:13 NLT).

2.         Don’t harbor resentment. Pasting a smile on my face when my heart is cut in half is a dangerous and toxic habit. Most of my life I thought I was being noble by “stuffing” hurt feelings. But apparently “stuffing” is not a fruit of the spirit. In fact, it builds resentment and is like drinking poison hoping the other person will die. Today I will not allow any resentment to creep into my heart. As soon as I recognize it, I confront it and do whatever it takes to release its grip on me. “The fool who provokes his family to anger and resentment will finally have nothing worthwhile left. He shall be the servant of a wiser man” (Proverbs 11:39 TLB).

3.         Happiness in my choice. Oh the pain I could have avoided if had known that no one can provide my happiness. For years I looked to my husband, children, friends and extended family to make me feel happy and fulfilled. Through the painful and disappointing encounters I discovered that only God’s love and the enriching fruit of the Holy Spirit could fill the empty craving of my tender soul. I let my family off the hook and gave them incredible freedom when they no longer had to keep this mamma happy.

4.         Don’t allow your feelings to rule your life. This one has been tough because I feel things deeply and react quickly. Through God’s spirit of “self control” I have discovered that in the midst of my impulsive or volatile feelings, I have the power to stop and make a wise choice to be kind, forgive or extend grace.

There are more.  Invest your money on a consistent basis. Tell people you love them. Don’t sweat the small stuff. De-clutter your closet.

Contentment is learned.

Moving into the winter season makes me reflective but also passionately determined to live more like Christ. The fields are ripe for us to pour love and wisdom onto this generation that needs authentic, loving words to guide them through the minefields of this complicated life.  There is not enough power and wisdom in 140 characters on twitter, quick text messages or intriguing posts on face book.  As writers and speakers who influence the world, we must do more than model a nice, pleasing and fun filled life. We have to speak words of wisdom and be authentic and truthful in our encounters with those people God places in our lives. I believe that is what the “Lord of the Harvest needs us to do.”

  

Heidi McLaughlin lives in the beautiful vineyards of the Okanagan Valley in Kelowna, British Columbia. She is married to Pastor Jack and they have a wonderful, eclectic blended family of 5 children and 9 grandchildren. When Heidi is not working, she loves to curl up with a great book, or golf and laugh with her husband and special friends.

Her latest book RESTLESS FOR MORE: Fulfillment in Unexpected Places (Including a FREE downloadable Study Guide) is now available at Amazon.ca; Amazon.com, Goodreads.com or her website: www.heartconnection.ca

Preserving Your Library - Smith Meyer

"When an old man dies, a library burns to the ground," is an African proverb many of us have heard. As authors, we cringe to think of such waste.

That adage came to my mind in stark reality this past month. Within two weeks, I attended the funeral of my 68 year-old brother and a 90 year-old aunt. I wondered how many stories died with them.

My brother’s funeral came first. He was a busy man, always looking out for others, often to the detriment of his own work. We became more aware of how many and how much as we stood in line for the visitation and when well over 600 paid their final respects at his funeral service. Many spoke of him as their spiritual father. Community and business people told of his kindness and concern for their welfare. Many stood when asked to do so, if they had spent time in his class room, and some spoke of the great influence he had on their lives. I feel sure there were many more stories that could have been told.

Aunt Bernice’s funeral was a glorious triumphant home-going for a faithful saint. The funeral was almost completely conducted by her family--sermon and all. Stories were told of her as a trustworthy companion to her husband, a watchmaker, her dependability as a mother--her encouraging ways and her gentle reprimands. Her grandchildren recounted happy times they spent with their grandparents and the lasting influence on their lives. It was a heart-warming day

Both of these occasions were indeed full of story-telling and as usual, I hoped those who this was all about were told at least some of those stories while they were still with us. However, I believe those tales were just the proverbial tip of the iceberg and only what others knew about them. How many insights, how many personal experiences could have benefited those left behind, had they been put on paper? I cringed at the waste!

Soon the Haiti earthquake struck—more libraries burned down in the space of minutes! And yet out of the rubble miraculous stories arise. Accounts of bravery, or self-giving, an outpouring of money, materials and energy in this impoverished country—some survived and others didn’t, but their story will go on and perhaps inspire others to give their time and money in similar ways.

These happenings renew my desire to write, write, write. Not that I have that much wisdom, but I have been taught valuable lessons in my years of living—many coming from learning through mistakes. I know that, through reading, I have gained much from others’ experiences. Some have guided me through my own life-happenings and some have helped me avoid more of my own blunders, steering me through the obstacles to a clearer path. Some have inspired me to give more in whatever way I can give. I owe them a debt of gratitude and an obligation to pass on my own stories and those of others. God gave me the desire and ability to write and I want to use the gifts given to me in the best way I can. Is it coincidence that my children's book, Tyson's Sad Bad Day just arrived? It is a book helping children and their parents deal with death and grief. Check it out at http://www.wordalivepress.ca/authors.html

And if God has called you to write, don’t wait any longer—write!

Famine of feeling - Wright

According to Tom Hayden, the lack of a proportionate response to today’s catastrophic human needs is due to "a famine of feeling". Hayden’s interview appeared in the May 17th Globe and Mail. I had no idea who Hayden was—a California activist prominent in the 60’s student movement—until I read the article.

He makes a good point. "What’s depressing to me is the lack of response in comparison to the need…the very dangerous exhaustion of belief in solutions on the part of the people who are supposed to be the world’s problem-solvers."

I admit to a certain exhaustion with 24 hour news coverage of tornadoes ripping through US neighbourhoods, storms ravaging Myanmar, and earthquakes devastating parts of China. Meanwhile no solution looms for Darfur.

Probably, the wave of popularity for Barack Obama’s platform of change reflects people’s cynicism with old institutions.

Evan Solomon, the columnist who interviewed Hayden, chose a counter-intuitive way to interact with Hayden. He sent him a photo with no explanation and asked Hayden for a caption. Solomon, a writer, journalist and host of CBC News: Sunday and Sunday Night, does this every month. He sends an unidentified image to someone in the public eye. The resulting interaction creates an interesting interview.

I wonder, however, if images aren’t the problem. Confucius, not Christ, claimed that a picture is worth a thousand words. Christ came as the Everlasting Word, without passing on any images. Today we have a billion images bombarding us everywhere we turn and making less and less impact. Perhaps we are suffering from visual exhaustion and need a few more well-chosen words.

The picture Evan Solomon sent Tom Hayden, of hands raised in entreaty, could have been interpreted in thousands of ways.

A church friend recently returned from Liberia with a story about murderous boy-soldiers turned compassionate missionaries. His story evoked many emotions: horror at the atrocities they’d committed, astonishment at their transformation, and praise for the God who did the impossible. Admittedly, the pictures he showed at church helped.

Pictures may supplement our attempts to evoke emotions but they will never render words obsolete. Hence, our mandate as writers to touch people with well-crafted word pictures.

Eric E. Wright, www.countrywindow.ca