What Mama Forgot To Tell Me-by Heidi McLaughlin

“Don’t use baby oil for sun tanning lotion.” Today as I scrutinize my face in the mirror, I wish my mother had warned me about all that ridiculous frying in the sun and the possibility of skin cancer.  But how would my mamma know? She didn’t have the luxury of loafing in the sun; she was too busy tending the garden, ironing our clothes and canning vegetables for the cold winter months ahead. Thank God I don't have skin cancer but I wish mama had taken the time to share some practical truths.

I wish my mamma had taken the time to share some practical truths.

For example:

1.         Marriage is hard work. Many parents think they are protecting their children by having heated disagreements behind closed doors. Guarding children from conflict and not modeling resolutions does not prepare them for future disputes and strife. Consequently, I did not know how to resolve conflict. In my first marriage I allowed my volatile emotions to dominate all disagreements which always ended in anger and unresolved power struggles. It was through God’s word that I learned to communicate with love rather than anger, followed by quick forgiveness. “Be gentle and ready to forgive; never hold grudges. Remember the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others” (Colossians 3:13 NLT).

2.         Don’t harbor resentment. Pasting a smile on my face when my heart is cut in half is a dangerous and toxic habit. Most of my life I thought I was being noble by “stuffing” hurt feelings. But apparently “stuffing” is not a fruit of the spirit. In fact, it builds resentment and is like drinking poison hoping the other person will die. Today I will not allow any resentment to creep into my heart. As soon as I recognize it, I confront it and do whatever it takes to release its grip on me. “The fool who provokes his family to anger and resentment will finally have nothing worthwhile left. He shall be the servant of a wiser man” (Proverbs 11:39 TLB).

3.         Happiness in my choice. Oh the pain I could have avoided if had known that no one can provide my happiness. For years I looked to my husband, children, friends and extended family to make me feel happy and fulfilled. Through the painful and disappointing encounters I discovered that only God’s love and the enriching fruit of the Holy Spirit could fill the empty craving of my tender soul. I let my family off the hook and gave them incredible freedom when they no longer had to keep this mamma happy.

4.         Don’t allow your feelings to rule your life. This one has been tough because I feel things deeply and react quickly. Through God’s spirit of “self control” I have discovered that in the midst of my impulsive or volatile feelings, I have the power to stop and make a wise choice to be kind, forgive or extend grace.

There are more.  Invest your money on a consistent basis. Tell people you love them. Don’t sweat the small stuff. De-clutter your closet.

Contentment is learned.

Moving into the winter season makes me reflective but also passionately determined to live more like Christ. The fields are ripe for us to pour love and wisdom onto this generation that needs authentic, loving words to guide them through the minefields of this complicated life.  There is not enough power and wisdom in 140 characters on twitter, quick text messages or intriguing posts on face book.  As writers and speakers who influence the world, we must do more than model a nice, pleasing and fun filled life. We have to speak words of wisdom and be authentic and truthful in our encounters with those people God places in our lives. I believe that is what the “Lord of the Harvest needs us to do.”

  

Heidi McLaughlin lives in the beautiful vineyards of the Okanagan Valley in Kelowna, British Columbia. She is married to Pastor Jack and they have a wonderful, eclectic blended family of 5 children and 9 grandchildren. When Heidi is not working, she loves to curl up with a great book, or golf and laugh with her husband and special friends.

Her latest book RESTLESS FOR MORE: Fulfillment in Unexpected Places (Including a FREE downloadable Study Guide) is now available at Amazon.ca; Amazon.com, Goodreads.com or her website: www.heartconnection.ca

Row Your Boat - by Heidi McLaughlin

“I’m going to give you some wisdom that you might find simple and a little strange”, I said to the harried woman sitting across from me. "But please listen as I explain."  Her jaw dropped and her forehead produced a few extra wrinkles as I started to sing a simple nursery rhyme.

Row, row, row your boat

Gently down the stream.

Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily

Life is but a dream.

I probably didn’t seem smarter than a third grader, but I quickly went on to explain my version of this uncomplicated, picturesque piece of advice. I felt compelled to help her because I knew what it was like to feel overwhelmed and exhausted. I went on to explain how many of us feel a delusional sense of responsibility for things that don’t belong in our boat. “And further”, I said, “we end up listening to all the things we ‘should’ do because we are comparing ourselves to T.V. commercials, Facebook bragging and unrealistic expectations.”

 

To feel fulfilled and joyful we must learn to row our boat gently down the stream. This means learning to quit paddling and working so hard work and go with the flow of life which is generated through the power of the Holy Spirit.  The bible tells us that: “In Him lie hidden all the treasures of wisdom and knowledge” (Colossians 2:3 NLT), and that we “…have the mind of Christ” (1 Corinthians 2:16 NLT).  God has given you and me everything we need to flow merrily down the stream. But, we must decide to dock our boat, stop and take the time to listen to the Holy Spirit who will help us make the next move.

I had to eat my own words the last two years as I found myself exhausted, frustrated and depleted.  When I clearly felt the Holy Spirit telling me it was time to retire and trust Him for my future, there were many heart pounding moments wondering what my new stream would look like. I’m in my new boat now, but in order to get settled I had to unload many oversized toxic boxes and debris that should have been chucked years ago.  These days I feel so free and merry that I can hardly contain my joy.

Am I certain as to what my future looks like? No, but as I told the woman sitting in front of me, “God is smarter than you and me.  We need to take deliberate steps to find a place of solitude where we can listen to the nudging of the Holy Spirit to tell us what unnecessary stuff we need to cast out of our boat. God is on our side. No matter how easy or difficult our situations are, God will gently and lovingly guide our boat down the stream of life on the route that He designed for us to take.”

Heidi McLaughlin lives in the beautiful vineyards of the Okanagan Valley in Kelowna, British Columbia. She is married to Pastor Jack and they have a wonderful, eclectic blended family of 5 children and 9 grandchildren. When Heidi is not working, she loves to curl up with a great book, or golf and laugh with her husband and special friends. You can reach her at: www.heartconnection.ca

Restoring Health: body, mind and spirit - HIRD

By the Rev. Dr. Ed Hird

Who in their right mind would want to be sent to a toxic island where everyone was a pirate, including the grandmothers, grandsons, and everyone in between?  Who would want to be sent to an island where all islanders were liars, evil brutes and lazy gluttons?  The Island of Crete which my wife and I visited had been a pirate stronghold for over 800 years.  While in Crete, we learned about Titus who was just the man for the job.  He did not flinch.  Titus taught toxic Cretan pirates how to become radically healthy: how to love, how to lay down their lives for another, how to be the faithful husband of but one wife, how to be gentle and patient.  He taught the female pirates how to be best friends with their husbands and their children.  This is true health.  If the wisdom in the 45-sentence book of Titus can revolutionize a pirate island, it can even transform a pirate continent like North America.  Signs of our North American toxicity include gun violence and the insanity of the shooters, obesity when there is no shortage of food, and a wealth of communication tools while many are no longer talking any more.

 

Is it a mere coincidence that the late Steve Jobs defined Apple employees as pirates, even raising a pirate flag with the Apple logo as the pirate eyepatch?  It is better, said Jobs, to be a pirate than join the navy.[1]     In the 1999 movie Pirates of Silicon Valley, Jobs accused Bill Gates of ripping him off by producing the Microsoft Windows mouse-based graphical user interface.  Gates, the wealthiest person on earth, memorably said to his outraged fellow pirate Steve Jobs: “we both had this rich neighbor named Xerox and I broke into his house to steal the TV set and found out that you had already stolen it."[2]  Ironically Jobs loved to quote Picasso’s comment: “Good artists copy. Great artists steal.”  So do great pirates. 

Titus was a first-century go-getter.  He reminds me of my father, Ted Hird, who always gets the job done.  At one of my father’s retirements, his company, Microtel, gave him a statue of a horse in memory of my father’s billing the company for a dead horse.  Working in Newfoundland for three months with the snowy roads sometimes impassible, my father hired a farmer’s horse to drag the telecommunications equipment up the hill. The microwave tower was finally finished, but the horse died.  Titus-like leaders make things happen against impossible odds.

If the toxic Cretan pirates can become healthy, anyone can become healthy, even North Americans.  Dr. Brene Brown, whose TED talk has been seen by over sixteen million people, said that we in North America “are the most we are the most in-debt, obese, addicted and medicated adult cohort in (our) history.”[3]   In an age of many regrets, Titus is a symbol of hope for healthy leadership in the twenty-first century.  With the huge global changes happening, the need for healthy leaders like Titus has never been greater.  A key solution to our North American toxicity is rediscovering Titus, the epitome of integrated healthy leadership.  Titus planted significantly healthy communities by identifying and training indigenous leaders in every one of the over hundred Cretan cities.  The book of Titus gives you the keys to healthy communities, healthy families and healthy lives.

The book of Titus calls us to become whole people – in mind, body, and spirit.  That is the theme of my brand new book ‘Restoring Health: body, mind and spirit.’  So often we North Americans are toxically fragmented in areas of our lives.  We need the Great Physician to give us a full check-up to determine whether our lives, our marriages and families, our churches and communities are sound and healthy.  Many of us are out of balance in our health emphasis, neglecting either the body, the mind or the spirit.  Too many good people have bought the lie that they can eat anything they want and not bother to exercise.  The Bible says that our health choices have consequences.  We reap as we sow.  People who neglect their bodies lose the ability to travel cross-culturally as they get older.  People who neglect their minds go stale and have nothing worth saying.  People who neglect their spirits go shallow and self-absorbed. Healthy leaders embrace their bodies, minds and spirits for Christ’s sake.

My prayer for those reading this article is that we will choose the way of holistic health in every area of our lives.

The Rev. Dr. Ed Hird, Rector

St. Simon’s Church North Vancouver

Anglican Mission Canada

http://stsimonschurch.ca

-an article for the November 2014 Deep Cove Crier

-Ed’s brand-new sequel book Restoring Health: body, mind and spirit is available online with Amazon.com in both paperback and ebook form. In Canada, Amazon.ca has the book available inpaperback and ebook. It is also posted on Amazon UK (paperback and ebook ), Amazon France (paperback andebook), and Amazon Germany (paperback and ebook).

Restoring Health is also available online on Barnes and Noble in both paperback and Nook/ebook form.  Nook gives a sample of the book to read online.  Indigo also offers the Kobo ebook version.

-In order to obtain a copy of the prequel book

‘Battle for the Soul of Canada’, please send a $18.50 cheque to ‘ED HIRD’, #1008-555 West 28th Street, North Vancouver, BC V7N 2J7. For mailing the book to the USA, please send $20.00 USD. This can also be done by PAYPALusing the e-mailed_hird@telus.net . Be sure to list your mailing address. The Battle for the Soul of Canada e-book can be obtained for $9.99 CDN/USD.

-Click to download a complimentary PDF copy of the Battle for the Soul study guide : Seeking God’s Solution for a Spirit-Filled Canada

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[1] Walter Isaacson, Steve Jobs (Simon & Schuster, New York, NY, 2011), p. 145.

[2] Andy Hertzfeld, “A Rich Neighbor Named Xerox”, November 1983; Martin Burke, Pirates of the Silicon Valley movie, 1999. http://www.folklore.org/StoryView.py?story=A_Rich_Neighbor_Named_Xerox.txt

(Accessed Feb 1^st 2014)

[3] Dr. Brene Brown, The Power of Vulnerability, TED Talk, June 2010, https://www.ted.com/talks/brene_brown_on_vulnerability/transcript  (accessed June 22^nd 2014).