Showing posts with label fear. Show all posts
Showing posts with label fear. Show all posts

Thursday, January 11, 2018

Are Leaders Born or Made?—Carolyn R. Wilker




I read a message in our writer’s group forum this week in which a member posed the question, “Are leaders born that way or are they made?” I had to respond. God-fearing or not, I think leaders are made. It’s true that some individuals who are outgoing may seem to be natural leader material, and they might, indeed, be asked first. But it doesn’t mean they’ll do the job any better.
Allow me, for a moment to share an experience of my own. When I was a new writer, someone in leadership of The Word Guild said we ought to get ready to speak—to offer a workshop, talk about being a writer (“on account of curious people”) and promote a book. At the time a book was the furthest thing from my mind since I’d only written short pieces such as book reviews and articles. How many would it take to make a book? Nevertheless, as nervous as I was just thinking about speaking in public, I spoke about my fear to a fellow writer. She told me about Toastmasters. I said I’d think about it. I had many commitments with daughters still at home and put it off. At least three months. 
Then, in September, I got a call that put more urgency to the matter. After writing a column for our city newspaper, I was called on for an interview by the editor of my hometown Gazette. This is getting serious. I got some coaching from said leader of our writers’ organization and right away made plans to check out Toastmasters. Long story short, after thirteen years of practice in speaking and taking on executive positions in the club, speaking in the community and book promotion, I look in the mirror at the leader I’ve become. In that time, I’d promoted not one book, but three or four, and taught seniors at the community centre for most of those years. At the beginning, I wasn’t running out there saying, “Pick me.” I started because someone else believed in me. Oh, my! Looking back, I see where it's taken me. Looking ahead, I wonder, What else?
Participating in the Toastmasters area speech contest a year ago


In June, I said ‘yes’ to a district leadership position in District 86 Toastmasters for the coming year. That never would have happened otherwise. In fact a lot of things I’ve done could be attributed to that experience, including storytelling.

 
 Promoting my latest book

 
Giving a workshop for Write Kitchener in 2013

Thus my answer to the question: Are leaders born or are they made? I answered positively, “They’re made.” Citing biblical leaders who were afraid of the challenge put before them, they didn’t beg for the position, but they were promised help along the way, that they’d be given the words and tools. Just think how much more prepared Moses would have been had he received leadership training in advance, or that Jonah ran the other way and still ended up going where God told him. And a man in our time who saw possibilities that seemed impossible—Nelson Mandela, a man we see as a true leader.
I take on my role, sometimes still anxious, but less afraid than before because of other leaders who could point the way and answer questions. When people say they will pray for me for a particular challenge, I accept it and believe it will help. The Toastmasters training has helped me be more professional in my presentations, such as not clinging to the lectern, avoiding 'ums' and 'ahs' and all manner of distracting mannerisms, but instead knowing how to prepare my notes, or not use them, and calm those butterflies in my stomach. The strength from God is a great asset. And so I affirm that leaders are made. That’s my truth and I’m sticking with it!





Carolyn Wilker is an author, editor and storyteller from Ontario, Canada.
http://www.carolynwilker.ca/







Saturday, June 18, 2016

SURVIVING SELF-SABOTAGE - by Heidi McLaughlin

Curiosity can kill the cat or open the sabotage door. Strangely enough my curiosity on the golf course affirmed the sub-conscious power of self-sabotage. I’m not a great golfer but on a good day I can play a pretty decent game.  I have a dream to shoot a certain score and I know I can do it. So why hasn’t it happened?  A pattern has unfolded that forces me to look at how I actually sabotage myself from reaching my goal.  When I am at hole 15 or 16 and know that I am close to a good score, I add the numbers to see how close I am to my dream objective. I start to get it excited. Very soon the game changes and the next three holes are a disastrous Ripley’s Believe It Or Not. Target missed. Then the walk of shame.  Why do I defeat myself? Again and again!

My husband has seen my dismay and voiced my frustration: “Honey why do you check your score before the game is over. You always end up sabotaging your dream?”  I agree with him and am beginning to understand the verse in Bible that says: “The thief approaches with malicious intent, looking to steal, slaughter, and destroy” (John 10:10 VOICE). Ok I know I am stretching the analogy of a golf game but I am becoming aware of this concept in many areas of life.  Perhaps a goal of writing a book, speaking to a large audience, pursuing a radio program, raising funds for a worthwhile project or opening a Day Care Centre. There is an enemy (Satan) playing dirty to steal our dreams and joy through making us believe voices of defeat and accusations that are not true:

a.         You don’t deserve this.
b.         You’re not smart or capable enough.
c.          You will never amount to anything.
d.         Why would anyone want to hear what you say or write?
e.         Who do think you are anyways?

Those negative thoughts have burned into our sub-conscious to sabotage our glorious and fulfilling future. They sneak into our soul through the trap door of fear, unworthiness and shame.  It’s important that we recognize them because they are not from God.  In Philippians 4:13 NLT it says: “For I can do everything through Christ, who gives me strength.”  You can do ANYTHING my friend.  The number one regret that people have is: I wish I had been more true to myself.

If you are standing on the brink of a big idea for a book or you want to take up painting, decorating, scuba diving or run a marathon. Dismiss the voices in your head and tell them:  “Oh, it’s you again.” Then step up to the plate and embrace the life that God has given you to live with passion and joy. In the second part of the John 10:10 Jesus says this: “I came to give life with joy and abundance.”

If you have children you know how much you want them to enjoy the gifts you give them. Our God is a good Father who has lavished us with gifts and abilities for our pleasure and to make a difference in this world. Let’s not allow fear or shame to defeat us, instead let’s look sabotage right in the eye and say: “Oh it’s you again” and move into your glorious future.


 Heidi McLaughlin lives in the beautiful vineyards of the Okanagan Valley in Kelowna, British Columbia. She is married to Pastor Jack and they have a wonderful, eclectic blended family of 5 children and 9 grandchildren. When Heidi is not working, she loves to curl up with a great book, or golf and laugh with her husband and special friends. You can reach her at: www.heartconnection.ca.
Her new book RESTLESS FOR FOR: Fulfillment in Unexpected Places will be launched July 4, 2016.





Monday, May 18, 2015

She Laughs in the Face of Fear-by Heidi McLaughlin


The nausea was relentless. As if that wasn’t enough; my heart was pounding like a jack hammer and I felt light headed and disoriented. Claws of fear clutched at my throat and heart. This ugly fear was determined to stop me dead in my tracks and sabotage my first big speaking engagement. I believed with all my heart that God had prepared me and orchestrated this weekend Conference for me to inspire hundreds of women to become the women of influence that God had created them to be. Yet, here I was the one disabled and fearful and not able to step into this divine God appointed opportunity.

I decided to take a long, hot shower; perhaps that would stop my beating heart. As the searing hot water hit me from all angles it became glaringly clear to me; fear was the invisible enemy determined to stop me from bringing messages of love and hope and cross our wonderful nation of Canada. Then I got angry and declared out loud, “Fear, you are not going to steal my joy. I declare in the powerful name of Jesus that I will not give in to this fear but instead I will boldly go into the Conference and speak with a Godly confidence, and joy. I will not let the enemy of fear sabotage my God given appointment.” My heart stopped its persistent beating, and with a new resolve I dressed in a snappy outfit and stepped out into the world with confidence and joy.  


That shower monologue was a defining, hallmark moment for me. I saw fear for what it was; an invisible rehearsal of a negative future trying to stop me from fulfilling my God given purpose. Fear is a deceitful, enemy that can make us feel powerless. If we don’t recognize it and learn to “walk through it”; it can stop us from fulfilling our purpose in life and all those wonderful things God has available to us for our pleasure and fulfillment.

If you and I are going to be God influencers we need to learn to identify fear. Yes, there is good fear; the kind that tells us to look both ways before crossing the street; but there is a slavish fear that the bible says, “that spirit is not given us of God.”[1] Slavish fear is the kind that paralyzes our imagination, robs us of our self-respect and swallows up our purpose in life. I choose to be a woman of influence as described in the bible: “She is clothed with strength and dignity, and she laughs without fear of the future” (Prov. 31:25 NLT).

What are you afraid of? It is very empowering and healthy to write down all our fears; look them in the eye and tell them that they will no longer have any power over you. Beyond our fear lies our greatest power. Instead, look to God and ask Him to give you the strength to push through that fear, so that you can move into becoming that beautiful woman of influence I believe you were designed to be.


Heidi McLaughlin lives in the beautiful vineyards of the Okanagan Valley in Kelowna, British Columbia. She is married to Pastor Jack and they have a wonderful, eclectic blended family of 5 children and 9 grandchildren. When Heidi is not working, she loves to curl up with a great book, or golf and laugh with her husband and special friends. You can reach her at: www.heartconnection.ca


[1] Heidi McLaughlin, Sand to Pearls: Making BOLD Choices to Enrich Your Life (Sisters, Oregon: Deep River Books, 2010), 149.

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