The
nausea was relentless. As if that wasn’t enough; my heart was pounding like a
jack hammer and I felt light headed and disoriented. Claws of fear clutched at
my throat and heart. This ugly fear was determined to stop me dead in my tracks
and sabotage my first big speaking engagement. I believed with all my heart
that God had prepared me and orchestrated this weekend Conference for me to
inspire hundreds of women to become the women of influence that God had created
them to be. Yet, here I was the one disabled and fearful and not able to step
into this divine God appointed opportunity.
I decided
to take a long, hot shower; perhaps that would stop my beating heart. As the
searing hot water hit me from all angles it became glaringly clear to me; fear
was the invisible enemy determined to stop me from bringing messages of love
and hope and cross our wonderful nation of Canada. Then I got angry and
declared out loud, “Fear, you are not going
to steal my joy. I declare in the powerful name of Jesus that I will not give
in to this fear but instead I will boldly go into the Conference and speak with
a Godly confidence, and joy. I will not let the enemy of fear sabotage my God
given appointment.” My heart stopped its persistent beating, and with a new
resolve I dressed in a snappy outfit and stepped out into the world with
confidence and joy.
That
shower monologue was a defining, hallmark moment for me. I saw fear for what it
was; an invisible rehearsal of a negative
future trying to stop me from fulfilling my God given purpose. Fear is a
deceitful, enemy that can make us feel powerless. If we don’t recognize it and
learn to “walk through it”; it can stop us from fulfilling our purpose in life
and all those wonderful things God has available to us for our pleasure and
fulfillment.
If you
and I are going to be God influencers we need to learn to identify fear. Yes, there is good
fear; the kind that tells us to look both ways before crossing the street; but
there is a slavish fear that the bible says, “that spirit is not given us of God.”[1] Slavish fear is the kind
that paralyzes our imagination, robs us of our self-respect and swallows up our
purpose in life. I choose to be a woman of influence as described in the bible:
“She is clothed with strength and
dignity, and she laughs without fear of the future” (Prov. 31:25 NLT).
What are
you afraid of? It is very empowering and healthy to write down all our fears;
look them in the eye and tell them that they will no longer have any power over
you. Beyond
our fear lies our greatest power. Instead, look to God and ask Him to
give you the strength to push through that fear, so that you can move into
becoming that beautiful woman of influence I believe you were designed to be.
Heidi
McLaughlin lives in the beautiful vineyards of the Okanagan Valley in Kelowna,
British Columbia. She is married to Pastor Jack and they have a wonderful,
eclectic blended family of 5 children and 9 grandchildren. When Heidi is not
working, she loves to curl up with a great book, or golf and laugh with her
husband and special friends. You can reach her at: www.heartconnection.ca
[1] Heidi McLaughlin, Sand to
Pearls: Making BOLD Choices to Enrich Your Life (Sisters, Oregon: Deep
River Books, 2010), 149.
3 comments:
Our back-to-back posts on speaking aloud the Word to our situations and selves appears to be the strategy for the hour, Heidi. Have a blessed day.
Thank you Heidi. What you say in your focus to women applies to men, as well. I reckon that courageous people are not strangers to fear, but are also acquainted with facing up to them and doing what they had to do, in the way that you did in your story.~~+~~
I really needed to hear this today, especially that verse from Proverbs 31. Thank you Heidi!
Pamela Mytroen
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