It simply did not cross my mind to disobey
my parent’s instructions while growing up in their house.
There was no reason
to believe they would ill-advise us and this made taking instructions without
questions, normal. Church and school
were our focus. Dropping in at our friends in the neighbourhood was allowed but
we kept our visits short. Sleeping over at the homes of others were off limit. 100%
off limit. We slept at home, and were safe.
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| Credit:Google Images |
Sure, the rules were rigid, or so it
appeared. No makeup, no jewellery, no wearing of men’s apparel aka trousers. No
cinema, no parties, no smoking, no drinking. It seemed to onlookers we had no
fun, and if I had worn makeup and jewellery before I turned 19, I may have been happier but I'll never really know.
In this strict atmosphere, we were sheltered. We read, and studied, and were model children, highly respected
for our academic achievements and religious upbringing. Shaped by grace.
When I became a parent I decided to emulate
the proven aspects of my nurturing, which I had ascertained was living by
God’s standards. Whereas my parents had misinterpreted the jewelry, makeup,
pants, and movie aspects of Biblical injunctions, my understanding had expanded
so that those rigidities did not play in to my parenting. The non-negotiable was in
holy living. I explained to my daughter that I had lived by the standards of purity
I was outlining for her. There was no hypocrisy in the life I was asking
her to live. I was the parent. Not a friend but a parent.
I was not shy to let everyone and anyone know the bar I had set. A bar determined by grace. But
setting a bar does not operate in a vacuum. Sleepovers, especially had to be guarded, limited to homes with professional parents
whom I screened ahead of time. The ratings of the movies she watched were checked. The books
were scanned. We opened up our home and it was well visited by the
young, while the bar in place. I will do it the same way if I had to raise a
child again.
Over the past week I’ve read the most
troubling confessions of vulnerable women on posts widely circulated on social
media as “Me too”. I shed tears for the
horror and pain they endured. This should happen to no one, not to a male or female.
But inasmuch as these things happen in spite of perpetrators knowing it is
wrong, I escaped the potential of such acts because of the standards my parents
set. And my daughter is safe because of it too. Thank God.
There are many calls in the Bible to right
living, so much so that we could dismiss them as stealing the fun. I’ve missed the mark on many, failing and failing again. But I pay closest attention to the ones with the worst consequences, and primarily I've not repeated those.
When my parents said no it was to protect us. God
is good, and even when He says no, He is still good.
Susan Harris is who she is because of
grace, and this grace is freely available to all.
Https://www.susanharris.ca
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| Credit: Free Digital Photos |
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4 comments:
Susan, thank you for sharing your treasured heritage of faith and family upbringing. Surely it is the 'better way,' and needn't result in a dull, joyless existence. The protection and preparation for life that come through consistent training and loving parenting with a higher, grace-filled vision are invaluable. ~~+~~
Interesting post, Susan. Your heritage was a treasure and what a blessing that you were not a rebel! Not sure I am in 100% agreement with you in everything, though. Although maybe you have the inside track! :) I concern myself with how you say two things:
1. The non-negotiable part with your daughter was in the Holy Living. Sounds good and right but how does one negotiate holy living? And from where do the absolutes come from? Your parents thought they had it right, but you say they didn't in some areas. What constitutes Holy Living? Free will does enter in.
2. You were talking about the #me too conversation that is circulating. I have been reading it with interest, too. You said this:"I escaped the potential of such acts because of the standards my parents set. And my daughter is safe because of it too. Thank God." So the implication here is that it is the parent's or the girl's fault if she is sexually harassed or the like? I think I am a little emotional about this because of something that happened to a lovely Christian girl yesterday, daughter of friends of ours, in a Christian school - well she was on a school field trip. Her godly upbringing and lessons in holy living did not stop this attack. I wonder if I have misunderstood you, Susan. But I did want to mention this. Thanks for giving me much to consider and chew upon!
Thakn you, Peter. Wlaking in grace takes backbone in a culture that beckons against it.
Glynis, thank you for your comments.
Re #1- I heard different interpretations of Scripture from supposedly God-fearing Christians about biblical injunctions. For holy, non-negotiable, I interpret this as literal injunction applicable today. Many choose to live otherwise, but for us it was literal. What made me think differently from my parents is my own training in Theology. Pants, make up, jewellery were hindrances in the culture I grew up in, and still is in some churches. However, those are negotiable items for me. The keeping away from company who did not live by the Bible were non-negotiable for both my parents and I. We did not drink, smoke etc and did not hang out with similar company, so the temptation and influence were not there. If you think differently, that's okay.
About #2, I mean to say that in keeping away from locales where such acts as happened to victims of Metoo, kept us safe. Regarding your friend….I worked in schools. I know what can happen and made a choice to enrol my daughter in distance education because I realized the danger in in-house schooling as happened to your lovely friend. So horrific for her. I had to forego a job in order to keep her safe. I only speak to the age of children, that, under 18. (What happens after age 18 will be my daughter's decisions.)
We made decisions that worked for us. Other people make decisions that work for them. Some give up jobs, others do not. I can’t help how you or another interpret my experiences but your observations will make me to check for clarity in my writing where I have failed. Thanks Glynis.
(I removed my earlier reply because there were 2 typos and there was not an edit button, only a delete option. I replaced it with this comment. I hope it’s clearer).
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