Purify me from my sins, and I will be clean; wash me, and I will be whiter than snow. Oh give me back my joy again; you have broken me—now let me rejoice. Psalm 51:7&8 NLT
When I asked the Lord to purify me,
The thought of pain didn’t occur,
Until I couldn’t sleep.
Confusing, wicked schemes whirled through my head all night.
Without love, joy or peace
I went to a friend’s house and accused her of nonsense.
Patience, kindness and goodness escaped me.
Faithfulness, gentleness and self-control were impossible.
I went to the doctor;
He gave me pills to dull my brain.
Friends tried to comfort me.
My pastor prayed.
I went to Christian counsellors;
The Holy Spirit showed them the garbage I was carrying.
They commanded away wrong spirits
Too numerous and filthy to mention.
I went home;
I knew there wasn’t a single thing I could do
That would make God say,
“That’s my girl. Isn’t she good!”
I questioned why He would even want my worship.
I saw all my prayers tainted with sin.
I cried—I felt so dirty.
I was broken.
Then for the first time I knew,
Really knew in my spirit—
Not just in my mind—
Jesus is my only righteousness.
My joy is coming back.
Excerpt from Blooming, This Pilgrim's Progress by Marian den Boer, published by Word Alive Press, Winnipeg.
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3 comments:
Marian,
If I was a poet, I could possibly have written this lovely poem for what is in it applies so much to me.
Instead, I had to settle for a book to explain exactly what you have so poetically written. Thanks for sharing! It brings me comfort to know I was not alone in my painful experience and that there may have been a purpose afterall. :)
Painfully open and honest, Marian!
Ah, but your putting this personal disclosure "out there for all to see," in grateful humility, you offer hope for deliverance and peace of heart and mind for others of us, through Christ, our Righteousness.
Thank you.
I'm not usually a poet, but poetry seemed liked the only vehicle that would let me transport the pain.
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