Purify me from my sins, and I will be clean; wash me, and I will be whiter than snow. Oh give me back my joy again; you have broken me—now let me rejoice. Psalm 51:7&8 NLT
When I asked the Lord to purify me,
The thought of pain didn’t occur,
Until I couldn’t sleep.
Confusing, wicked schemes whirled through my head all night.
Without love, joy or peace
I went to a friend’s house and accused her of nonsense.
Patience, kindness and goodness escaped me.
Faithfulness, gentleness and self-control were impossible.
I went to the doctor;
He gave me pills to dull my brain.
Friends tried to comfort me.
My pastor prayed.
I went to Christian counsellors;
The Holy Spirit showed them the garbage I was carrying.
They commanded away wrong spirits
Too numerous and filthy to mention.
I went home;
I knew there wasn’t a single thing I could do
That would make God say,
“That’s my girl. Isn’t she good!”
I questioned why He would even want my worship.
I saw all my prayers tainted with sin.
I cried—I felt so dirty.
I was broken.
Then for the first time I knew,
Really knew in my spirit—
Not just in my mind—
Jesus is my only righteousness.
My joy is coming back.