I’ve always heard it’s lonely at the top. I wouldn’t know simply because I’m not sure where “the top” is and besides, no matter where it turns out to be, I’m not there.I’ve also heard that writing is a lonely life. Now that’s closer to where I am and if I didn’t believe it before, any doubts have vanished.
Loneliness doesn’t come easy for me. My childhood nickname, Windy Lindy, indicated my love of words - and wordiness - even back then. Teen activities included teaching Sunday School, school dramas and the debating team. As an adult I thrived on the company of others. Married for forty years to the quietest person I’ve ever known, I’ve had to compromise on social activities but that didn’t mean I lost my zest for a roomful of energetic people. Gregarious. Sociable. Fun loving. Those words described me; reflexive, withdrawn and introverted did not. But that transition is happening and as difficult as it has been, the seeming permanency of my loneliness is dawning on me.
As easy as it would be to blame it solely on the writing, I have coming to the conclusion that God Himself is drawing me from a life of dependency on the approval of others to a place of quiet surrender to His will. He’s created a thirst so deep that nothing but fellowship with Him can fully quench it. He’s creating such a longing for His glory that my innate competitiveness has been tempered by the sense of the exclusiveness of His majesty. While there’s still enough “carnality” in me that I refused to enter this year’s contest for fear that I would come in second - again - there’s a new peace in realizing that He’s not done with me.
I still love to be with people of like mind and I look forward with anticipation to the upcoming writers’ conference but inside, there’s a core of solitude that I’m slowly learning to treasure. Quivering on the altar, I’m comforted by the assurance that my sacrifice has been accepted.
“Lord, turn my loneliness into aloneness with You. Turn my sense of loss into tender compassion for those who have been stripped of the barest of life’s essentials. May new thoughts, formed in my newly-stilled mind, pour forth in praise and honour to You.”
Having said all that, I haven’t lost my ability to celebrate and I can hardly wait for June 12!
Linda Wegner
2 comments:
Hi Linda,
I look forward to seeing you on June 12th also.
And for all those lonely writers out there, come and join Linda and I - and 300+ other writers from across Canada for Write! Canada - go to www.thewordguild.com and register now!
Dorene
I would really hope (in vain, it seems) that a writer would know the difference between "me" and "I" and use them correctly.
"join Linda and I" is jarringly wrong! Would you say "come and join I" or would you say "come and join me"? Yes, so your comment should say "come and join Linda and me..."
So many "writers" make such glaring errors, I fear for the world of readers!
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