Three-Hundred Years . . . Of Marriage! (Peter A. Black)

I acknowledge the passing a week or so ago of two members of The Word Guild. Many of us, myself included, benefitted hugely from the generosity and grace and writing-related skills of Anna Elizabeth Wiseman and Wendy Elaine Nelles.

Wendy’s memorial service in Simcoe, Ontario, was a full-house event. I saw a good number of TWG friends there, and am glad I was able to connect with several of them. Another memorial event will be held in the Toronto area later. 

I regret not being able to attend Anna’s service. However, I honour and thank God for both ladies’ lives and ministries, and I pray with others of you for our Heavenly Father’s comfort and peace for their loved ones.

The piece below is on another topic. Unfortunately, I don’t have permission to post photos of the participants.

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Close family and friends crowded into the space, along with supportive resident neighbours.  Smiling, helpful staff pinned boutonnieres on five ‘grooms’ and placed beautiful bouquets in the hands of the ‘brides.’  Five couples – three-hundred years total, to date, of shared life!

Mine was the distinct honour and joy of ‘officiating’ at this Marriage Affirmation (or Rededication), last week. In the case of three couples only one of the respective partners is resident in the care facility, whereas both partners of two couples are resident.
The length of those marriages currently range from fifty-four to sixty-five years. Last year, we said goodbye to a couple who passed away in their seventy-forth year of marriage. Wow! How common is that kind of duration likely to be in our society in the years to come?

Not "my" couples. Credit: www.boredpanda.com ; google free

People in developed countries on average are living longer nowadays, but I wonder about the longevity of stable marriages or lifetime spousal relationships from here on.

Back to the event: A group of senior musicians played golden oldies, while the brides and grooms lined up in the hallway. Two were in wheelchairs. One gentleman, his hands gripping his walker handles with all his might tried to control his incompliant limbs, aided by his wife.

Credit: mustard.org.uk

The musicians struck up, I’m Getting Married in the Morning . . . get me to the church on time. The couples filed in and formed a curved line, proudly standing as able or sitting, side by side. Their radiant faces and sparkling eyes beamed out joy and love.

I detected a wistful, far-away look radiating from several faces, which I’m sure communicated that their minds had drifted back to that memorable day when they declared their commitment to their spouse, many decades before. 

In my introductory remarks I shared this verse often read in traditional Christian weddings:

“Unless the LORD builds the house [or, household / family], its builders labor in vain” (Psa. 127:1a, NIV). 

I added that our Lord taught that those who are wise build their house (including household and family and life) on a rock; that is, on the sure foundation of Jesus and His teachings and wisdom. Against these the storms of life cannot prevail.

It has been said:

A smooth sea never made a successful sailor. 

Undoubtedly those couples weathered many a storm throughout the decades. My concluding thought before leading them through their affirmation was in the adage:

The perfume of kindness travels even against the wind.

Moments later, I led the couples through an affirmation of their commitment to each other in the “sight of God and these witnesses.” And then, following the benediction the band struck up again, and cake and ice-cream and punch were served.

God bless’em, every one.  God bless’em!

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Peter A. Black is a retired pastor – well, sort of retired – and lives in Southwestern Ontario. He writes a weekly inspirational newspaper column, P-Pep! and is author of Raise Your Gaze ... Mindful Musings of a Grateful Heart, and Parables from the Pond – a children's / family book. ~~+~~

STITCH AND CHAT - Eleanor Shepherd

         

“What I would like would be a group where we could get together every week, maybe bring a knitting or craft project and just chat as we work together on what we are doing, spending time getting to know each other.” During a conversation over coffee, Kathy expressed this idea to me. She was a friend who had recently returned to our congregation and we were looking for ways that we might build community.

            I liked her idea and suggested that she develop it a bit more by creating a poster advertising such a group. A couple of days later, after the exchange of a few emails, I received the poster, inviting people to come to Stitch and Chat. In the meantime, Kathy had also talked with a couple of other ladies who were willing to teach knitting, crocheting or sewing to anyone who wanted to join the group, but might be kept away by not knowing how to do these things.  

            Kathy was job hunting herself and had a couple of good leads so she was not sure she would be able to lead the group, nor did she want to take sole responsibility for it. She recruited Louise who was always enthusiastic about projects that brought people together. She is a real people lover.  

            We decided the day and put up the poster on the doors and the front windows of the church, prepared and waited to see what would happen. Somehow we felt that the impetus behind all of this was bigger than us. The first week we met together there were four of us. We had announced the program to the congregation on Sunday, but it did not seem to interest anyone. 

            The following week we were encouraged when eight ladies who showed up.  One lady who lived in the neighbourhood passed the church every day as she went about her errands, and told us that as she walked by that week, she noticed the poster advertising Knit and Chat and thought she would give it a try. Another lady told us that although she lived in the area, when she went home she usually took a different route that did not take her past our door, but for some reason that week, she decided to choose a different route. In doing so, she saw our poster and thought this might be a place where she could find someone to talk to. So she was there. A couple of ladies from the congregation also came. 

            It grew from there. People who came to our Family Services offices for help saw the notice and decided to join us.  Women from one of our shelters came with the chaplain to learn to knit. Women told their friends and they came. It did not seem to matter whether their first language was English, French, Spanish or some other language they were soon communicating with one another and caring for one another in a way that only women who understand we are all sisters are able to do. 

            Many people benefit from this exciting group as it grows and expands. The leadership has changed. I am no longer the pastor. Kathy, who initiated the program, has moved away. Enthusiastic Louise has taken over the leadership. New ladies still come and learn how to knit or crochet or sew. Creative opportunities have been provided for those who can do none of these activities. 

            

           

         The women have knit many Izzy dolls to send with medicines to the developing world and little hats for newborns in many countries. They have made slippers for all of the women in one of our shelters. They are now busily working on mitts and hats and scarves to put on a Christmas tree outside our door this December for those who pass and need protection from the cold. 

            One of the most beautiful developments is taking place during our coffee time together. Louise asks us to answer a question about our lives like: 

            What was the best year or your life and why?  

            What is your favourite place in your home and why? 

            As the ladies share their stories, we grow in our love and appreciation for each other. Kathy was right. It is building community and we sense the bonds of love that are being knit with one another by the One who is love.   

Word Guild Award
2011

Word Guild Award
2009

Word Guild Award
2018

Eleanor Shepherd, an award-winning writer is a retired Salvation Army officer and has published over 100 articles internationally. A speaker at conferences, in Canada, the USA, France, Belgium, Switzerland, South Africa, Australia, Haiti and Jamaica, her stories appeared in Hot Apple Cider and Christmas with Hot Apple Cider.  Her book More Questions than Answers, explains her style of evangelism by listening

The Simple Things by Carol Ford

“Life is amazingly good when it’s simple and amazingly simple when it’s good.” Terri Guillemets[i]

“What I remember about Mom is biking all over Aurora.”  

He looked down at me from the podium with a smile.

Did I hear right? The comment came from my youngest son during his speech at my older son’s wedding.  He sounded loving and happy recalling this memory.

Up until then, I’d often looked back to their childhood and regretted the fact that we hadn’t taken trips to Disney World, boarded luxury cruises or skipped off to a cottage each weekend.  Our family income, compared to those of others in the affluent town where we lived, was very modest. Most other families had second vehicles so moms could taxi their kids around, and everyone else seemed to be having much more exciting summers than us.

Since I was a stay-at-home mom, financial sacrifices were needed to make ends meet. I had to find creative and inexpensive ways to occupy my sons during their school vacations.

Several summer days started with a leisurely homemade waffle breakfast, after which the boys and I hopped on our bikes and rode to the outdoor town pool for their swimming lessons. When the lessons ended they begged for permission to play with their friends in the park for an extra hour, and by then it was lunchtime. We rode to the IGA store and ate hotdogs and drank pop at the snack bar. A visit to the local comic store usually completed our stay in town, and mid-afternoon we biked up the steep hill to our home. I was exhausted from this last leg of the trip.

At home, the boys settled into playing with GI Joes or watching a favourite TV show until suppertime, after which they participated in town league soccer or baseball games; and so, the days drifted by.

It was also not unusual for us to sit together on the couch and read several pages from a chapter book whenever we felt like it.

If it was a rainy day, I would invite in other neighborhood children for a craft morning. I found that they were extremely inventive when I dumped textured fabric, wooden sticks, buttons, glitter, glue, scissors, and markers in the middle of the table. While they created, I baked cookies and played music that they would enjoy.

My days centred on my children; I listened to their conversations, looked for teachable moments and talked about faith-based attitudes.

God tells us in His Word, “And you must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your strength.  And you must commit yourselves wholeheartedly to these commands that I am giving you today.  Repeat them again and again to your children. Talk about them when you are at home and when you are on the road, when you are going to bed and when you are getting up. [ii]

Were there days and times when I would love to have ducked my responsibility? Absolutely. Keeping children happy and engaged is no easy task, especially during the last couple of weeks of summer prior to school commencing.

Today, my sons are fathers to their own children and both hold to the Christian faith. I would like to think that many of their choices have come from “...biking all over Aurora.”

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Reflecting on this topic, makes me wonder if some of God’s best memories of me might be the simple things that I had done.

Jesus told us that many actions that don’t seem very significant, expensive or brave will be honoured by Him.

 “But when the Son of Man comes in his glory, and all the angels with him, then he will sit upon his glorious throne.  All the nations will be gathered in his presence, and he will separate the people as a shepherd separates the sheep from the goats. He will place the sheep at his right hand and the goats at his left.

 “Then the King will say to those on his right, ‘Come, you who are blessed by my Father, inherit the Kingdom prepared for you from the creation of the world. For I was hungry, and you fed me. I was thirsty, and you gave me a drink. I was a stranger, and you invited me into your home. I was naked, and you gave me clothing. I was sick, and you cared for me. I was in prison, and you visited me.’

“Then these righteous ones will reply, ‘Lord, when did we ever see you hungry and feed you? Or thirsty and give you something to drink? Or a stranger and show you hospitality? Or naked and give you clothing? When did we ever see you sick or in prison and visit you?’

“And the King will say, ‘I tell you the truth, when you did it to one of the least of these my brothers and sisters, you were doing it to me!’” [iii]

 I pray that you will feel refreshed on this summer day and find joy in serving God in the simple things.

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[i] http://www.quotegarden.com/index.html

[ii] Deuteronomy 6:5-8 NLT

[iii] Matthew 25:31-40 NLT

Carol Ford specializes in career consulting and personality differences. She is a member of The Word Guild and co-author of As the Ink Flows: Devotions to Inspire Christian Writers and Speakers and Hot Apple Cider with Cinnamon, Christmas with Hot Apple Cider.  Carol shares her adoption reunion story in a variety of settings and is a contributor on Hope Stream Radio; http://hopestreamradio.com/contributor/carol-ford/.

She has been married for 45 years, has two married sons and four grandchildren.

The Symphony of Grief and Creativity-by Heidi McLaughlin

Grief is a mysterious monster. It lunges us into deep dark places seeking the once familiar pathway of love. It longs to recapture the beautiful rhythm of shared experiences, intimate conversations and physical touch.

Grief is love with no place to go.

At one time my relationship with my beloved Jack was like listening to an exquisitely tuned symphony on a magical summer evening. Perfectly crafted sounds and rhythms that felt like a touch of Heaven. Grief steals that flawless balanced harmony and now all I wanted to do was hide and cover my ears to drown out the screeching and wretched sounds.  Will that musical masterpiece ever be heard and felt once again? Does grief and pain sabotage our future creativity and ability to craft beautiful lyrics?

Grief has a profound affect on our brain.  Through cortisol chemicals being released in the body, the brain is scrambled and unpredictable. Details are foggy, internal reactions are shifted and concentration is compromised. We lose interest in things, find ourselves unable to smile or laugh, we can’t eat or sleep and we’re emotionally numb.  With all this disruption on our physical, emotional and psychological state, what happens to our creativity for writing, painting or writing a new symphony?

Pain takes us into unfamiliar and unpleasant places.

Yet each time we are thrust into deeper places, our mind expands with greater understanding, priorities and images. Once the fog disappears, images and colours are brighter, notes are clearer and we’re more courageous with our words and descriptions. Pain opens up another world that gives us permission to think and create outside predictable clichés and nuances.  Barbara Lane in her article on “How Grief Affects the Brain” states: “Grief provides some of the low notes of our lives that make it a richer symphony overall.”[1]  In fact, we’ll fearlessly embrace new words and notes that synthesize exceptional beauty and harmony.

Some of the greatest cultural masterpieces are the byproduct of pain and grief. Homer’s “lliad” tragedy is among the oldest extant works of Western literature and written around 8^th century B.C.  C.S. Lewis ‘ greatest works, one being “The Problem of Pain” was written after the death of his beloved wife. The single mother, billionaire and ninth best-selling fiction author of all time, J.K. Rowling, makes no secret of the fact she deals with depression and pain. Doctor and author Henry Seiden goes even further to say:

“Creativity is the essential response to grief.” [2]

Twelve months after my beloved Jack died I attempted to carve out time to write my next book. Frustration set in and I felt inadequate as I wrote predictable sentences with lack of insight and creativity.  At the time I thought I was ready to write another 60,000 words but my brain knew better. I will still foggy and disjointed.  This year in the month of May I tried writing another chapter and this time excitement seared through my body as words, images and concepts flowed in harmony like the beginning of a new symphony. During my time in the dark and deep, the harsh life and loneliness gave way to the emergence of a magnificent new sonata.  It won’t look like my previous ones, but I believe these will have more depth, colour and harmony. Lord may it be so.

Heidi McLaughlin lives in the beautiful vineyards of the Okanagan Valley in Kelowna, British Columbia. Heidi has been widowed twice. She is a mom and step mom of a wonderful, eclectic blended family of 5 children and 12 grandchildren. When Heidi is not working, she loves to curl up with a great book, or golf and laugh with her family and special friends.

Her latest book RESTLESS FOR MORE: Fulfillment in Unexpected Places (Including a FREE downloadable Study Guide) is now available at Amazon.ca; Amazon.com, Goodreads.com or her website: www.heartconnection.ca

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[1] http://barbarafane.com/grief-symptoms-how-grief-affects-the-brain/

[2] http://www.headspace.com/blog /2017/04/18/grief-creativity-together/