How Do You Explain It? - Eleanor Shepherd

Three years after his accident, our son John was able to return to Harvard Business School to complete his studies for his MBA. Everything was falling into place. His accessible housing had been arranged. The move was organized. The only outstanding issue was his attendant care in Boston. Because of his quadriplegia, he has to have a caregiver come every morning to help with the personal care that is part of his morning routine.

We were on vacation in Maine and New York and most of the time I could be found with my cell phone at my ear. I was trying to find an agency that would be able to provide the necessary attendant care. We had been given lists of agencies of nurses and health care workers who provided that kind of service, but I was having no success at rounding up anyone who was able to take on the task.

I was given the number of a fellow named Pete. He was the one who apparently could find a caregiver when nobody else could. I tried Pete and although he gave me a few leads to try, success still eluded me. My hopes rose and fell. I would reach an agency and they would think that they might be able to help us. Then they would investigate further and call me back to apologize that they were not able to provide anyone. What was I going to do? As the days went on and no solution was in sight, I was becoming desperate. Unless he had an attendant, John would not be able to move to Boston.

It was now three days before his arrival in Boston. We were going directly to Boston from New York to help him move into his apartment and get him set up. Still there was no attendant booked. Would we have to call the whole thing off?

My husband, Glen had a call with his boss, Christine about some business issue. They resolved the question they were discussing and then as the call was concluding, Christine asked, “What’s wrong?”

She heard the anxiety in Glen’s voice and knew something was troubling him. He told her about the difficulty we were having trying to find a caregiver for John.

“Can I pray with you,” she asked. When Glen responded affirmatively, she prayed right there on the phone. Of course, we had been praying ourselves for some breakthrough, but thus far, nothing had happened. Nevertheless, the support of her prayer gave us reassurance that somehow things would work out.

Clutching my phone to dial one more agency, I tried to keep up with Glen as we headed off to the train station at Suffern at 8:30 on Thursday morning. We decided to go to downtown New York, for some sightseeing. Enroute, I reached the agency and received another negative response.

We had to change trains at Penn Station and just as I stepped out of the train at 9:15 my phone rang. On the line was a company I had been talking to the day before. They had not been able to help me. However, for some reason they had gone through their files again. This time they discovered that they had someone that could take on a client in Cambridge and they would be able to provide the care we needed. I wept with joy and relief.

The question this situation raises is why, after all of my frantic efforts, did we finally find someone who could provide attendant care? There are several possible explanations.

Perhaps it was my sheer persistence and the odds were that if I called enough people, eventually I would find someone. That is possible.

Another alternative is that initially when I spoke to the agency there just happened to be some kind of administrative mix-up. Really they did have someone all along. They had just not been able to discover it earlier, when I asked.

One possibility is that this was a direct answer to the prayer of Christine as well as others, who were aware of the situation and praying for us.

The answer depends on your perspective. All of these things may have been factors. As with so many situations in life we can choose whether or not we see God as part of the equation. He is there and He is not silent. We choose whether or not we acknowledge His presence and His activity.

Eleanor Shepherd

http://wipfandstock.com/store/More_Questions_than_Answers_Sharing_Faith_by_Listening

The Antidote to Fault Finding - Shepherd

When I was young, my mother used to tell me not to always be fault finding. It was a habit that was difficult to break. It was always easier for me to see what was wrong, than what was right. There was always room for improvement. The trouble was, not only did I see the ways what others did needed correction, I also became a perfectionist, so that I was never satisfied with what I did either. The danger of being a perpetual faultfinder is that it leaves no room for appreciation. It is based on dissatisfaction.

My years at university encouraged the faultfinding. We learned to think critically, which meant that nothing could be accepted without first examining all of the assumptions why such a thing could be postulated. It would be heresy to accept something at face value. This is not in itself unwise. However, when it begins to permeate every area of life, one can become a chronic faultfinder.

What is the antidote? In exercises of critical thinking, it could be to make a sincere effort to find those things that are positive or with which we can agree before we begin to look for what must be changed or challenged in a theory or a position.

In relationships it is to find what is admirable and attractive about a person before pouncing on their weaknesses or failures.

The ability to take this positive approach seems much more difficult and unnatural to us than a negative, questioning or critical approach. We find that we have to train ourselves to think that way.

One of the useful methods of developing a more positive attitude occurred to me several years ago. I discovered that if, every morning, I sat down and filled one page of my journal with those things for which I could be grateful that day, the scales began to fall off my eyes, and I could see much that was good and positive in the world around me. I could be freed from the chains of fault finding.

That is not to say that I go around looking at the world through rose coloured glasses. I am aware that there is much that I could focus on that is far less than pleasing or of fine quality. There are experiences that can take us so far into the darkness, that the light at the end of the tunnel seems no larger than a pinprick. Such was the case when our son became a quadriplegic as a result of his car careening out of control on black ice.

As we rushed to his bedside in the Intensive Care Unit, although I threw my gratitude journal into the suitcase, I doubted that I would be able to fill it during the days after his accident. I wondered if I would ever feel gratitude again.

Yet miraculously, each morning as I arose and opened my journal, with a few minutes of reflection there came to mind subjects about which I could frame my gratitude. Sometimes it was individuals who were there for us. Their kind deeds served to encourage us to hang on. Sometimes it was unexpected signs that God was with us in these dark days, like running into the surgeon as I left the chapel, where I had been praying while he did the tracheotomy. His comment that he just completed the most perfect tracheotomy of his medical career, assured me that those prayers had been heard and answered.

Critical thinking has its place, within the framework of a life that is based on gratitude. All good gifts around us are sent from heaven above. In an imperfect world we can keep our equilibrium by trusting in One who surrounds us with reasons to give thanks.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Eleanor Shepherd