Confrontation - Meyer

Confrontation – not a pleasant topic. Certainly, it would be more appealing to talk of reconciliation, of mediation, of restoration, of understanding, and of forgiveness.

Coming to an understanding of the absolute necessity of confrontation adds nothing to its appeal.

I am currently working on the fourth book in a seven-book series that demonstrates with fictional characters the seven steps in healing from the effects of abuse. In the book, Missy, the healing required is from past and ongoing verbal abuse, and the step in the healing journey is confrontation.

Not pleasant… Not appealing…

When Selma Poulin, mental health clinician and board chair of Rising Above Abuse Counseling (http://www.risingabove.ca/) read the manuscript, she asked, “Where is the confrontation?” When my wonderful, faithful editor from New Zealand, and my even more wonderful husband, read the manuscript, they both advised me to cut out the very nice romance I’d gotten sidetracked with and get to the heart of the issue – confrontation. After a suitable amount of whining, I have done just that. It’s hard because I don’t want to experience it vicariously as an author any more than I want to experience it in reality.

One of the hallmarks of an abusive relationship is denial – both on the part of the victim and the perpetrator. Much healing occurs when the victim can recognize the abuse and “break the silence” by telling a trusted friend or preferably a counselor. This fourth step in the healing journey involves for the first time the perpetrator (either directly or indirectly). For some victims of abuse, a direct confrontation is not safe or is no longer possible. Sometimes a letter written to the abuser is sufficient – whether or not it is actually delivered. The victim should never go alone to meet with a past or present abuser, and they should never go unprepared. Much prayer and discussion should happen beforehand.

It is important for the perpetrator to be shown the effects of the abuse.

Think of it as a victim impact statement – something that is being used to good effect in many courtrooms today.

Missy will be released (the Lord willing) on March 26, 2012. I hope you will consider reading it, if not for yourself then maybe for a friend who might need it.

And I did leave in just a wee bit of the nice romance…

Dorene Meyer
http://www.dorenemeyer.com/
Author of The Little Ones, Jasmine, Lewis, Joshua and Missy

The Legacy Continues - Part 2 - Meyer

“The Sixties Scoop” is what Aboriginal people call the en masse removal of Aboriginal children from their homes and communities – and the placement of these children into non-Aboriginal foster homes.

Some people believe this was a direct attempt on the government’s part to further the cultural genocide begun with the residential schools – their stated policy to “kill the Indian in the child.”

But when Prime Minister Stephen Harper apologized on June 11, 2008, to the Aboriginal people of Canada for the residential school fiasco, he was also apologizing to the people who did not go to Indian boarding schools but who still suffered the effects.

The kids that were taken away from their parents at age 4, 5, or 6 and were not returned until they were teens (usually at age 16), found they were no longer equipped (with language and life skills) to live on the reservations but they were also unable to live in white society. Their attempts to disclose about the sexual and physical abuse they had experienced were met with disbelief and denial. Many of these teens turned to alcohol to numb the pain.

Then these kids had kids. And those kids were taken into foster care.

My mother took care of approximately 1,000 First Nations children over a period of about 30 years. The average number in our household was 20-25. (photo insert is of kids at my mother's house - I'm 4th from the left in the back row). Back then, a lot of kids shared rooms and even beds, so that part was fairly normal but the very high number of children in our home didn’t allow for much individuality or personal development. And, as with the residential school system, being taken away from EVERYTHING that was familiar to you and being plunged into a totally foreign environment away from your mom and dad and grandma and grandpa, probably had the most detrimental effect on these children.

And because these were the kids of the kids who had been taken away into residential school facilities, this effected an entire generation (or possibly two or three or four generations, depending on how you want to count it).

The legacy of residential schools will be with us for a while yet. Many, many First Nations people are rising above the crippling effects of this government policy (one organization that is doing great work is http://www.risingabove.ca/). I believe that Stephen Harper’s apology will help. Our attitudes will also help. As representatives of Jesus, let’s not mess up this time ‘round.

Dorene Meyer
http://www.dorenemeyer.com/
Author of Deep Waters, a compelling contemporary novel that will give you the opportunity to “walk a mile in the shoes” of Gracie, a First Nations residential school survivor, and experience her reconciliation to Sarah, the daughter who had been taken away from her at birth.

There is no “them and us” – there is only “us.”