There comes
a time in every believer’s life when we struggle with the desires of our heart.
Is my desire
God’s will? Is He going to give me what
I want?
The answer is:
No…and…Yes.
I can best
show you this through the cover development of my non-fiction book Finding Sarah, Finding Me that is coming
out this August.
I put the
following samples from my publisher up on Facebook a few months ago to get
reactions.
- The one of the right, the soft sweetness got me.
- I like the one of the left because it is a happy moment.
- The one on the right. I think reunions are very emotional and stressful. The outcomes may end in joy, but I the first few moments are breath taking.
- I like the one on the left with the little girl running to her mom.
- At first I thought the left and then thought the right because this a book about your daughter’s journey as well as your own. The left image then became too stereotypical.
- Definitely the one on the left, which for me shows a joyful reunion.
The overall
vote was about 40% for the left image, and 60% for the right.
But the
exercise got me thinking. People really wanted a happy adoption reunion cover.
Just like I wanted a happy reunion with my birthdaughter Sarah. That’s what I’d
prayed for the 20 years after I relinquished her to adoption. The desire of my heart
was a good one. It certainly wasn’t sinful, but the reunion was so traumatic
for my birthdaughter’s adoptive parents and thereby traumatic for her, that the
heartache and trauma was then passed on to me.
The reunion
I’d prayed so hard and so long for broke my heart as much as my original relinquishment in 1979.
 |
| Reunion Day 1999, I'm smiling (in the middle) but my heart was breaking. Sarah is the blond standing beside me. The brunette is my daughter Lana, the tall guy in back is Sarah's husband, and the little blond guy in front is my youngest, Rob. |
Was the desire
of my heart God’s will? It sure seemed it wasn’t at that time.
Looking back
16 years after the reunion I can see that God was involved in my journey. There
was so much He wanted me to learn. He wanted me to know how much He loved me in
spite of my rejection of Him at times. He wanted me to learn some of those deep
things about His nature, such as His suffering. The only way I could learn that was by
not getting what I wanted when I wanted it. He showed me the depths of His love for me as I experienced my "seeming" rejection from Sarah.
God didn’t
leave me in my heartbroken state. A relationship did gradually grow between my
birthdaughter and I. So the answer to whether or not my desire was God’s will
really is “No…and…Yes”.
 |
| All my children together, some of my grandchildren, including Sarah's first baby sitting on my mother's lap in the front row. |
You might even be wondering if your desire to write is God's will too. In my career as a writer I've discovered that the journey toward that goal is another of God's priorities for my life. Take joy in the journey.
Busy writer and
speaker, Christine
Lindsay is the author of multi-award-winning Christian fiction, currently writing her eighth book. 
