Over the past few years, my faith in God has been gradually eroding. Not in any dramatic or life-altering way. And I still run to Him in my hour of need and ask for daily strength and guidance.But there’s a part of me that has been seriously disgruntled. Like Job, I want to argue my case with God – present my arguments to Him. There are things that I wish God would change.
My case is not for my own suffering. It’s for the rest of the world – the whole world – everyone who has ever lived or will live in the future.
It’s for the little girls in Cambodia who are daily subjected to unspeakable horrors. It’s for the slaves that were tortured hundreds of years ago (the images of the movie, Amazing Grace, remain fixed in my mind). But mostly it’s for all the people who have not chosen to “believe on the Lord Jesus Christ” and be saved. Jesus Himself said in John 3:16 that they would perish.
I know that my anguish over a suffering world is a reflection of God’s anguish over a suffering world. But I want to ask: why doesn’t He change it then?
I’m 51 years old. I’ve lived long enough to look back and see the times when I have seriously blown it. Usually, it’s because I just didn’t see the whole picture. Typically, it was because I thought I knew best and I marched full steam ahead with wonderfully good intentions that resulted in horribly bad outcomes.
What I’ve been thinking about in the last few days is that I’m not God. I can’t see what He sees. I can’t see the past and the future, stretching back and forth through eternity (it hurts my brain to try!). I can’t see into the hearts of each and every person who has ever lived or will live. I can’t see how their lives will turn out or what their eternal futures will be. Only God “knows the end from the beginning.”
When I was about seven years old, I first heard about the wonderful salvation that God had given us through the death of Jesus on the cross for our sins. With a truly child-like faith, I put my full trust in this wonderful God who loved me so much.
As a young adult, I struggled with the concept of trust and with accepting the Father’s love. I had to first make a conscious choice to accept my husband’s love before finally, one night walking out under the stars, the Lord said to me that the same way that I trusted my husband was the same way that I could trust God. It was a choice I made that night.
Today, I am making another choice. A choice to trust that the God who made the world also knows how to run it! That the One who loved the world so much He gave His only Son to die for that world, is much more troubled by a child’s cry, a slave’s anguish and a lost soul’s torment, than I could ever be!
As a person living in this 21st century, Internet and media-driven world, there is this illusion that I can know all there is to know about history and about current affairs. What arrogance! I’ve been a member of the media – I know every story is slanted. You have to have a hook, you have to have a headline and you have to prove your point – even in a 30 second news clip – especially in a 30 second clip! What do any of us really know about what is happening in the world today? ...And what is happening in my soul and in yours. Only God. Only God sees the whole picture and only God can make wise decisions for individuals, countries and the whole world, past, present and future.
Throughout my life, God has been there for me. His Holy Spirit has comforted and guided me. I’ve known the Father’s love. I’ve stood by and watched as God has miraculously intervened and answered prayers way beyond what I could have even imagined asking for. I’ve been a follower of Jesus for over 40 years. Through all the buffeting and storms of life, there’s been this solid rock under my feet. In the times when I’ve felt like I was just barely hanging on to a frayed rope, I’ve known He was holding me and if I did fall, it would be into His strong, loving arms. I totally trust Him for all of my todays and all of my tomorrows.
And I choose now to trust Him for everything else – for all those things that I cannot see or understand.
And I thank Him that He has big shoulders – big enough to handle all the questions, complaints and arguments from King David and Job – and me. He truly is an awesome God!
Dorene Meyer
Author of The Little Ones
"Meyer effortlessly weaves together suspense, deep theology, and the contemporary issue of the lasting scars of child abuse, as her characters seek to answer the question 'Can God be both merciful and just?'”
Maranatha News
2 comments:
That was truly an inspiration.Thank you for being so truthful and sharing what was on your heart.
One of the spiritual exercises in the Spiritual Olympics is walking by faith.And after walking for a long period of time we become tired and weary.And when that happens we must stretch our faith.Which is exactly what you have done.You did not give up, you stayed in the race and stretched your faith.Keep doing your spiritual exercises and Keep the Faith.
S.E.Gregg
http://www.amazon.com/Christian-Olympics-Going-Gold-Crowns/dp/1597815306
Dorene,
Thank you for this honest and transparent testimony.
It used to be said that you reevaluate everything you thought you believed, once you turn forty. However, I'm sure that many of us continue to encounter points in life at which such a process occurs or reooccurs.
Your expression of deepened and strengthened confidence or faith in the Lord and the Father's care, is an inspiration for all of us who ever experience this process.
Post a Comment