I have a box of chocolate hearts in my house that I bought for Valentine's Day. I love my husband and I know he loves me, but I also know that purchasing flowers or chocolate for a day that falls, this year, in the middle of a working week falls below buying an orbit motor for his maintainer but barely above buying bottled water. I learned this after many years of marriage. I also learned not to turn Valentine's Day, or my birthday, or Christmas or our anniversary, into a test of his affection for me. He is a pragmatic man and the purchase of yet another consumable that usually comes over packaged is just such a waste for him. If I want chocolates or flowers, I buy them myself. This system works for both of us. I have the things I like and he's off the hook. I have had it said that maybe that's why I write romances as well as women's fiction. So I can live out my fantasies and create the kind of man I would like to be married to. Possibly. However, I also like to think that in my books, my hero is a man much like my husband. Pragmatic and yet with enough romance in him to satisfy my readers. My heroes are the kind of men who buy garage door openers for their sweetheart's birthday. My heroes are the kind of men who are baffled when faced with women's tears, but will learn, like my husband has, to simply hug, pat on the back and keep the questions to a vague, "How are you doing?" Maybe they'll buy flowers, if I let them. But the most important aspect of my men is that their heart might not be on their sleeve, but like my husband, it is in the right place. And every time I push that button on my visor and that door to my garage magically opens, I love my husband just a little bit more.Carolyne Aarsen
3 comments:
Hurray for all those pragmatic men out there - my husband tends to be in that category most of the time - ie, he bought me a hand saw one birthday - well, I did ask him to make me a bookcase!
But maybe the old saying 'absence makes the heart grow fonder' is really true - I'm visiting my sister in Ontario and just received a huge bouquet of flowers AND chocolates!
Hurray for those once in a while romantic surprises! :)Marcia
Bravo! It's good to be reminded that reliability and faithfulness are characteristics to be treasured...although a bit of romance thrown in is always welcomed. My hubby's birthday is on Valentine's Day so he gets the attention, and deservedly so.
Wonderful post, Carolyne. I particularly appreciate the reminder that while your husband's heart isn't on his sleeve, it's in the right place. And how important it is to remember not to turn "special occasions" into tests of our men's love for us. I'd rather have the steady, true, albeit silent, love than the flamboyant type that withers in the face of difficulty.
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