And now a speaker too--Carolyn R. Wilker

Speaking to Rotary, Guelph, ON.

Matching the banner behind me was not planned.

Photo courtesy of Jan C. Jofriet

On November 1^st, I was invited to be guest speaker for one of the Rotary Clubs in Guelph, Ontario. While I also offer memoir workshops, the presentation deemed most suitable for this service club was my keynote GPS: Goals, Plan, Success.

It's been a bit of a journey getting here though. Now that I think of it, one of my teachers in high school predicted that we’d have more than one career in our lifetime, possibly as many as three or four. It was hard for me to believe that since all I wanted to do was teach. I'd wanted to do that from the time I was a little girl in Sunday School. 

My father was a farmer and it was his life’s work; most other people I knew stayed with one career or type of work for their entire working life, though there were a few exceptions even then. 

Yet at the time, apart from teaching small ones in Sunday School, I was hesitant to put up my hand in class for fear of being wrong. If someone had told me then that I would be speaking and writing one day, I would not have believed it.

When I began to write, I learned that I would indeed have to speak, and if I had a book, then for sure I would have to promote it, or give a workshop or talk about writing. I respected people who could stand up and speak, but the thought of doing it myself made me anxious.

I’m convinced Marj was put in my path to get to Toastmasters—my first tentative, shaking step. I kknew nothing of this organization until I met her at an authors association meeting and commented on the ease of the speaker who was giving a presentation that evening.

 The respectful mentoring and evaluations of fellow members, along with all the practice I was getting, helped me to hold the butterflies at bay, but it took time.

My first book was launched and I was ready to promote it and actually enjoyed the experience. Teaching writing and facilitating group learning for mature adults at a community centre in Kitchener has been another growing and learning experience.

Then along came two world-class coaches and speakers, Jeremy Tracey and Sarah Hilton. At the first boot camp, when I found out I would be writing and presenting a keynote speech, I thought, What am I doing here? Where would I start?  

Having experienced a number of jobs, including small business ventures in crafts and custom sewing, election work, part-time jobs, work in a book store,  and later university courses, I settled on the topic of change for my keynote, and how to adapt to it, even when change is thrust upon us.

 Italian Canadian Club, Ferguson Street in Guelph, Ontario

After finding the Italian Canadian Club where the group meets, I set up my books at a designated table and then sat at the head table where I would be for the duration of the luncheon meeting. That large room that was the size of a banquet hall. I would certainly need the microphone.

I had been told that there could be as many as fifty to sixty Rotarians present, and I think that day,  between thirty and forty men and women sat in my audience, the largest one to which I had spoken, not including the speech at our daughters’ weddings last year, delivered to well over one hundred souls each time. But this was a keynote, not a 5-minute wedding speech on the part of mother of the bride, times two. 

There I was in the city of Guelph, ready to speak to Rotarians—professionals, business leaders and entrepreneurs from the community, and I saw them nodding their heads. Surely a great many of them had either gone through such an experience of changing jobs for whatever reason, or knew someone who had.

It's still surprising to me that I can say "yes" when someone asks me to speak, even more when I seek out opportunities myself and go out to different places and address a group  of total strangers and some people I know. 

When we step out in faith, even with a good deal of trepidation, God is there with us.  I knew that before, but I had to get ready for this kind of opportunity, grow as a person. A verse from Philippians that I memorized years ago comes back often. “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” 

God goes with us when we’re in strange waters. In a new job in a preschool. As a sole entrepreneur, an author, an editor, as a writing instructor, storyteller, and now as a speaker too. He's with us in each step we take, familiar or unfamiliar, sought out or something new. We just have to ask and trust him.

Workshop presenter at Write! Kitchener 2013

Photo by Glynis Belec

Leading a workshop for Writers United, October 2013

 Photo by Glynis Belec

Storytelling at the Enabling Gardens, Guelph, Ontario, August 2013

Language of Letting Go-- Carolyn Wilker

Our Toastmasters meeting theme the day I write this post is Letting Go and the Language of Letting Go. There’s multiple meanings to that phrase "letting go", whether it’s allowing children to grow up and live their own lives, someone in our circle of friends who has moved away who seems to have broken ties, or a loved one who has died and for whom we must say goodbye.

I once read a poem comparing children to kites. The kite flyer, the parent, lets out a little string at a time, such as the day a child goes to school for the first time. The kite, being the child, may fail to rise, get caught in a tree, or rip and tear in the process. A child learns what worked or didn’t work and, with guidance from a loving parent, is willing to try again, until the day when the kite rises and flies freely, that is, a child leaves home.

As each child leaves, the home feels a little emptier, and parents hope that they have taught the necessary skills. I remember having to refocus when our last child was about to leave home. I wrote a poem entitled, Letting Go (pub. 2007, Tower Poetry).

Letting go

you implore

with tear-filled eyes that mirror my own

that I neglect my preparation

for the day of release

when the kite flies free

the mist clears and I see again

the young woman before me

be brave my heart!

you will fly as you were meant to

free and strong

and by letting go

I will have all that matters:

your love

There are exceptions to that rule, such as the child who needs support for a longer time, maybe indefinitely. I also think of a young woman who lives in a group home for intellectually challenged adults. She works at tasks in the community that are appropriate to her challenges. She has been involved in Special Olympics, with her parents’ blessing and support, even before leaving home. She has won many medals in those events and is about to go off to Nationals to compete in a winter sport. Hard as it was to let her go, her parents allowed her to move on. She shines.

On the second aspect, I think of a friend who moved away and after a short interval of communication, even a trip to visit her there, has made no attempt to stay in touch. I admit that this one has been hard, one that I’m still not over. She was one who encouraged me to write, brought me the first brochure for God Uses Ink conference that I attended in 2001.

Thirdly, letting go of a loved one who has died, but not forgetting. I miss those who have been dear to me and who have invested in my life: an aunt, special uncle, a friend, a neighbour, or a grandmother. I have not lost a child, a different heart-wrenching grief that I have witnessed among friends and family. We hurt deep on our losses, like flesh cut from flesh. We feel the comforting arms of friends, the kindness of friends and neighbours. We’ve let the person go, because that life would no longer be a healthy life. We commend that person to God and try to go on. In time, we begin to live again, exchange memories and even to laugh again.

It will be interesting to hear the responses to this theme. I, for one, have learned who my real friends are, the ones who are there to comfort me when I need it most, who understands how it feels to have a child leave the nest, or someone has moved away and dropped connections, or my grief when I have lost one I loved.

What does “letting go” mean for you today?

Author of Once Upon a Sandbox.

www.carolynwilker.ca

Upcoming events:

Storyteller at Steckle Heritage Homestead Farm, 811 Bleams Road, Kitchener, ON, Winter Fun Day, 11-12am

Book signing, March 10 at Waterloo Chapters store, Waterloo ON, 1-3pm