I've been thinking a lot about success lately, and I'm in the process of writing up my personal plan for success in 2009.
A colleague started me on this trail back in November when she was looking for writers to interview on the subject of tenacity. Her questions were: “Have you succeeded because you refused to give up? Are you published because you wouldn't take 'no' for an answer?”
Now, there’s absolutely nothing wrong with her questions, and I’m sure it will help aspiring writers to read how others succeeded because they kept going and refused to take “no” for an answer. I’ve certainly enjoyed hearing that kind of story over the years.
In fact, two of my favorite songs are Toby Keith’s
“How Do You Like Me Now” and Buddy Jewell’s
“I Wanna Thank Everyone (Who Ever Told Me No)”—both about people who wouldn’t give up and eventually succeeded.
For that matter, two of my role models are Joshua and Caleb, the two spies who weren’t afraid to go into the Promised Land and had to wait 40 years for everyone else to die before they finally got there. I can just see them walking into Jericho singing, “How do you like me now?”
So I admire tenacity. Yet when I read those two questions, I felt sick to my stomach. And I said to myself,
Yeah, sure, I’m going to talk about how successful I am and anyone who knows anything at all about the publishing industry is going to read my response and say, “What on earth is she talking about? She’s not successful. She’s never had a bestselling book. She doesn’t have an agent. She doesn’t have any editors lined up wanting to work with her on a project. Hardly anyone who matter even knows who she is. And she’s saying she’s a success? Yeah, right.” And I became totally depressed.
Who was I to think I know anything about writing? Why did I even bother to try, never mind to teach others?My very strong reaction to these questions led me to do a lot of soul-searching throughout the month of December. I realized that the bottom-line was I didn’t feel as though I had succeeded at all. Eventually, I asked myself another question.
At this time in my life, what does success look like to me?It dawned on me that success (for me) really has very little to do with how much money I make or how many copies of my books sell or what awards I win or how many people know my name. I’m not even concerned about establishing a career as a writer. Success to me, at this stage of my life, is the ability to spend my time doing what I want to do. And the truth is that during my lifetime, I've rarely done that. No wonder I felt like a failure!
The only time doing just what I wanted to do was my primary focus was for a year or so shortly after my marriage when all I really did was write some short stories, my first novel, and parts of three other novels.
Since then, my time has pretty well been spent doing what I felt I needed to do: raising my four sons; homeschooling for a total of 17 years; cooking, cleaning, etc,; taking on numerous leadership roles in churches, including church planting and discipling both individuals and groups; caring for my mother; editing
Cell Life Forum; leading workshops and speaking; and starting
The Word Guild. Not that I disliked what I was doing—some of it I thoroughly enjoyed.
But only on rare occasions, and for short intervals, did my activities involve writing fiction.
In recent years, from June, 2001 until September, 2008, I wrote only one-half of one novel—
Glitter of Diamonds. Yet during that time, if you'd asked me what I wanted to do, I'd have said, “Write fiction.” No, "wanted to do" isn't strong enough—longed to do.
During that entire time, and for most of my adult life, I've felt that part of me was in prison and I couldn’t find a way out. There were so many urgent, more important things to do—who cared if I wrote another dumb novel or not? Especially since hardly anyone would read it anyway! Yes, I'm a great writer. I know that. But so what? We all have to make sacrifices for the greater good, right?
Now, during this time, I was always asking God to lead me, and I have to assume he was. I don’t regret what I did or how I spent my time. I've learned a lot. But for some time now, God has been making it very clear to me that I need to write, and that I need to get everything else out of my life. And now he's telling me it's my time to just have fun.
I know that sounds somewhat ____________(fill in the blank: wrong, selfish, heretical...).
I’ve spent most of my life doing things for others. Some of that is because my natural instincts are to see needs and try to meet them. I'm also aware of the verse in the Bible that says, “To whom much is given, much will be required.” Luke 12:48. I'm very aware that I've been given a lot. So, how can I sit here planning to spend an entire year only doing what is fun for me to do?
I was recently reminded that in the book,
The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe, there are times when all that happens is dancing and gaiety—even while a battle is going on. It seems strange, but we each have a role to play, and I believe that this year is my turn to dance.
Once I realized that all I really need to feel successful is the ability to be who I am deep inside—a fiction writer—my world felt right again. And I decided to plan for success in 2009.
I’m hoping to finish writing at least four novels, some of which were begun years ago. No, I'm not worrying about who might publish or read them. Did Picasso worry about who might look at his paintings?
As for publishing, well, I’ll worry about that later, if at all. The important thing for me right now is that I write. By the time one story or book is finished, I’m more than ready to go on to the next one. I’m not going to worry about making money or becoming famous or even helping others. I’m going to write for purely selfish reasons—to enjoy myself. And I plan to be tenacious about it. :)
If you want to follow my journey for the coming year, I'll be blogging on the journey at
www.releasethecreativeyou.wordpress.com and on writing at
www.bluecollarwriter.wordpress.comN. J. Lindquist
