TENSION TO TENDERNESS-by Heidi McLaughlin

My heart sinks when I hear someone say: “I feel so overwhelmed, overscheduled and fatigued that I am afraid I am bypassing my divine life’s purpose.” Each time I hear the framework of those words, a familiar arrow hits my heart.  I know what it feels like to function at Mach 2 speed. I am a card carrying member of this generation that is running on a depleted “soul tank.”  Like unrelenting shock waves I hear stories of another blown up marriage or someone unraveling like an ‘out of control’ scotch-tape dispenser. Years ago I came to the shocking realization that I had to make some relentless decisions to slow down and leave more margins in my life. This revelation came to me in a large grocery store.

 In the middle of Aisle 5 of the canned fruits and vegetables I flipped out over the fact that the store had run out of their cranberry sauce. Before you chastise me, you have to understand it was three days before Christmas and I was exhausted and running late.  Back then I didn’t realize the danger of running on a depleted soul. When our bodies are ready to crumble under fatigue, it doesn’t take a universal catastrophe to crush the last remnants of our sanity.  After I was rude to the clerk and stomped out of the store, I sat in my car and submitted to my inexcusable, shameful behavior. Something was wrong and it had to change. I was not experiencing the life that Jesus said is available to all of us. The bible says: “My purpose is to give them a rich and satisfying life” (John 10:10 NLT).

I know that you and I do not want to miss out on the fulfilling life that is right in front of our noses.  But how do we re-schedule our days, dismiss some obligations, disappoint people and give up our people-pleasing gratification? We need to be able to orchestrate our lives through a wiser grid. Let’s recognize the fact that we are modeling this behavior to a younger generation that is already struggling with depleted souls. Instead of beating ourselves up with endless obligation we need to model more Christ-like tenderness towards ourselves and others. How then do we change the tension of all our demands into a nourishing tenderness?

Please know that as I am writing this article I am not the teacher who has it all figured out and is giving self-righteous advice. I am still the student. Changing tension into tenderness is a daily struggle and commitment.  But I do know this: it is my responsibility to guard against the constant barrage of invading tension. The bible tells me that this all starts in my heart: “Above all else guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life” (Proverbs 4:23). Here are 4 things that help me.

1.         I must realize that my heart is the essence of who I am. It is where all my passions, desires and dreams live. It is the part that connects me with God and all people around me. I need to listen to the murmurings of my heart and make it a top priority to keep it physically, spiritually and emotionally healthy.

2.         Know that my heart is under constant attack from the demands of life around me. No one else can change my tension into tenderness. Every choice I make is in my power and I need God to help me.

3.         I must be brutally honest about why I am trying to cram so much into my life. I need to ask some harsh questions. What is my distorted vision and belief system which makes me believe I have value only when I work so hard?  Why do I feel jabs of guilt when I goof off and feel unproductive? Do I continue to work to earn love and approval from others instead of God?

4.         Each day I end my time with God with this simple little prayer. “God help me to do today what I need to do today. No more and no less. To give glory to Your name. Amen.” It’s a simple prayer but it has revolutionized my life and God is empowering me to keep my days balanced, so that I can enjoy the rich and satisfying life available to me.

 You and I live in the daily tension of meeting life’s demands plus trying to find tenderness for our own soul. The power lies in our hearts. I challenge you to make some bold choices to change your tension into tenderness.

Heidi McLaughlin lives in the beautiful vineyards of the Okanagan Valley in Kelowna, British Columbia. She is married to Pastor Jack and they have a wonderful, eclectic blended family of 5 children and 9 grandchildren. When Heidi is not working, she loves to curl up with a great book, or golf and laugh with her husband and special friends. You can reach her at: www.heartconnection.ca

9 STEPS TO AN UNBALANCED LIFE - By Heidi McLaughlin

A balanced life is over-rated. Before you call me a fanatic and burn me at the Time Management whiteboard I want to ask you. “So how is time management” working for you?”

Over the past ten years we have been saturated with “how to” steps for managing our most precious commodity-time. I was the day I threw my palm pilot into the garbage that I realized I had become a slave to time management. With all the information on how to de-clutter, time management workshops, fat day timers, computer and i-Pad calendars and every piece of technology known to mankind to help us with our 24 hour days, we are still rushing, sighing and feeling overwhelmed and frustrated.

A balanced life sounds like a wise, wonderful concept; but what happens when our finely tuned “one hour increments” in our day timer fall behind and we fall apart? In a question and answer period at one my conferences someone asked me the question, “So Heidi, how do you manage your time?” It had been a long time since I looked at my daily life and this question evoked some serious evaluation. I became acutely aware that I am so blessed to be a mom and grandmother; able to still work four days a week, write books, speak across the country and mentor younger women. It made me realize that I am able to describe my life the way my youngest granddaughter’s face lights up when she is delighted about something and exclaims: “That’s yummie!”

I am deeply passionate about leaving my fingerprint on the earth in a meaningful and powerful way.  The bible inspires me with this truth: “Teach us to number our days aright, that we may gain a heart of wisdom” (Psalm 90:12 NIV).  Here is what those words mean to me:

1.    Say “Yes” to Yummie.  God has given all of us gifts and passions to make our lives, and this world a better place to live.  Ask yourself this question, “What makes my heart pound? What keeps me awake at night dreaming, thinking planning? What do other people say I am good at?” Those are gifts God has given each of us. How dare we not use them?

2.    Say “No” to clutter and useless, meaningless tasks.  Why do we feel it necessary to fill our days with things that have no value; meaningless tasks that rob us of our passions and smiles?

3.    Pray and ask God for His wisdom how to live each day. Do this before you create another calendar event into your i-phone and the two alerts to keep you on track..

4.    No, we are not responsible for everything that happens in everyone’s life.

5.    Get proper rest. Fatigue makes cowards out of us. It makes us vulnerable and before we know it, we are caving in and signing up for another thing that will rob us of more energy.

6.    Realize there are seasons of being totally out of balance. I just finished a difficult season of caring for my mother before she died; challenging disruptions at work and speaking at many conferences.  My life has been totally out of balance for a few months, but my heart is still pounding with passion and purpose.

7       7. Realize this life is about relationships and not process. The bible reminds me of this in such a powerful way: “You have made my days a mere handbreadth; the span of my years is as nothing before you. Each man's life is but a breath” (Psalm 39:5 NIV). The breath of God within each of us is more important that the petty little tasks that consume our hours. 

8.    If you don’t know your gifts or passions, ask God to reveal them to you. He will gladly do it. ^“If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him” (James 1:5 NIV).

9.    Create your own “magical trash can” and get rid of all the “shoulds” that are robbing your joy.

God has given you and me the “breath of life” on this planet to make a beautiful and powerful impact on mankind. I don’t believe God ever meant for us to be chained to a time machine. As energetic, smart people, God fearing people living in this 21^st century, we must take the time to discover our strongest gifts, passion and the purpose that God has given us. Having clarity about our daily purpose will fill our life with pure pleasure and satisfaction. It’s time to stop, smile and say “yes to the yummie.”

 Heidi McLaughlin lives in the beautiful vineyards of the Okanagan Valley in Kelowna, British Columbia. She is married to Pastor Jack and they have a wonderful, eclectic blended family of 5 children and 9 grandchildren. When Heidi is not working, she loves to curl up with a great book, or golf and laugh with her husband and special friends. You can reach her at: www.heartconnection.ca