LIVING WITHOUT REGRET-by Heidi McLaughlin

I attend a lot of funerals. My first husband died and I grasp the importance of just “showing up” to support family members during their grief. I have remarried and my new husband is a pastor to an age group 55 and older, so at this juncture of my life I am acquainted with many people who are moving into the final years of their life. Consequently I hear a myriad of eulogies and I'm always gripped with a deep sadness when I hear:

“I wish I would have made more time to be with mommy/daddy/sister/bother/friend.”

“I should have...”

“I never…”

"I REGRET..."

Those are moments in time that we can never recapture. Missed opportunities leave us feeling sad, empty and sometimes we are angry that we have allowed the daily distractions of life to sabotage the important things that were left unfinished.   

So I have made a decision. I do not want to come to the end of my life with regrets. I have learned to do something that I call: “Playing the movie forward”. Here is how it works: When I am faced with new opportunities, challenges or new creative ideas, I ask myself the question, “What will this look like in fifteen years?” Then I go through this process:

1.         I feel it is crucially important that I keep my life in balance. Not too little or too much of anything. So I ask myself: “If I add this new ‘thing’ into the equation, will it bring my life out of balance for an extended period of time?”

2.         How will it affect my relationship with my husband and family?  Will I be so fatigued and zapped of energy that it will rob us of precious time that we could spend together?

3.         Can I afford it financially, emotionally and physically?

4.         Will it leave a valuable imprint in someone’s life or this world?

5.         When I look back at this “thing” 15 years from now, will I be glad I did it?

In this confusing and complicated world it is so easy to get off track and succumb to the daily distractions and the demands around us. But, I was born to live with purpose so I choose to take care of my life and my heart so that I don’t feel the helpless and agonizing pain of regret.

But there are days when I blow it. It might be by stabbing someone with an unkind word or just choosing to ignore the pleading, helpless look in someone’s eyes. I can’t ignore my errors and heartlessly move on. That will ultimately cause regret. I need to make the wrong into a right. It is imperative that I forgive those whom I have hurt and then receive forgiveness from God so that I can let go of my own guilt and shame. The bible tells us that there will be difficult days. It says: “In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world” (John 16:33 NIV).  God sent His son Jesus into the world to help us overcome those days when we make a mess out of our life. That is when we need to look to Jesus and say, “Jesus, help me…” (With whatever difficulty you are experiencing right now).

Then we have to choose to receive Jesus’ forgiveness, learn from our mistakes and be determined to do better next time. We need to move forward fully engaged and be determined to live a life of “no regrets.”

Heidi McLaughlin lives in the beautiful vineyards of the Okanagan Valley in Kelowna, British Columbia. She is married to Pastor Jack and they have a wonderful, eclectic blended family of 5 children and 9 grandchildren. When Heidi is not working, she loves to curl up with a great book, or golf and laugh with her husband and special friends. You can reach her at: www.heartconnection.ca

Forced Change? - Black

You never really know what you’ve got till it’s gone, we say. This echoes Joni Mitchell’s cute an’ sassy song classic. Bemoaning commercial and financial change at the expense of nature, she sings, "They paved paradise and put up a parkin’ lot ..."

It’s also true that we don’t know how blessed we are until we see someone worse off than ourselves. Such sentiments may be cliché, but are also true. Dark-bodied, malnourished children with bloated stomachs, as featured on sponsorship programs, scoop a drink from larvae-infested mudholes, and we think that it’s such a pity they don’t have running water. And it is. Then click, we switch the channel.

At the old manse we were without hot running water for five days, then, for a day and a half, the main water supply was shut off. A mild inconvenience. We were not in any dire emergency, and had water available to us. It just took a little thought and effort. Neither did we have to rub sticks together or strike a match to heat up water or cook. Saucepans on the electric stove did the trick. We learned to conserve water, though, and managed to do all that was necessary using a fraction of the normal water volume.

Change is sometimes forced on us unexpectedly by circumstance, yet some changes can be made in advance, if we see the need. Jesus said (in Matthew 18:3): "I tell you the truth, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven."

This is a call to humility, dependence, and trust in the Lord God. A change of focus leading to a change of disposition, of lifestyle – and destiny.

~~~
© Peter A. Black. This piece was first published in the The Watford Guide-Advocate, a Southwestern community newspaper, July 30, 2009.
Peter's children's / family book, "Parables from the Pond" ("written for children, read and enjoyed by all ages") is published by Word Alive Press. He can be contacted at raisegaze@execulink.com and www.freewebs.com/authorpeterablack