Sands of Time - Lindquist

Has greeting the New Year ever made you feel panicky and depressed? Try having your birthday 4 days after the year starts.

No, I'm not looking for gifts or cards. That's why I waited until today to post this. My point is that, with my birthday coming so close to New Year's Day, as each year begins I feel a double portion of significance. And dread.

Last year at this time, I was having a panic attack. When I looked at the number of candles on my cake, I suddenly realized I had many more items on my "to-do" list than I would realistically have time to do in this lifetime. I also realized that the sands of time in my little egg-timer were no longer trickling past; they had begun to gush out.

And there was still so much I felt I needed to do: books to write, people to spend time with, projects to finish, or begin...So much...

And yet - because I'm the kind of person who sees needs and tries to meet them, I was already so busy I barely had time to breathe. And most of the things I was doing weren't even on the list of things I felt I needed to do! I felt overwhelmed. It was all too much. I panicked.

As I mentioned in the post on my blog, That's Life!, on January 1st, in 2006, I asked God to give me a verse for the year. The verse he chose for me was Isaiah 30:15. "If you will be calm and trust me, you will be strong."

For all of last year, I clung to that verse. Every time I began to panic, I remembered it and calmed down.

But there was an ongoing struggle. In May, as I prepared to give the keynote addresses for Write! Canada, on the topic of "Finding the Courage to Answer God's Call," I went through several weeks of heavy spiritual oppression.

Who did I think I was to speak on this topic?

Did I really think I was a writer? What had I written lately?

Did I think I was any good? What did I know?

Did I really think God needed someone like me to do his work? Why would he need me?

I felt like Eustace in Prince Caspian, when his dragon skin is first peeled and then ripped away. Every part of my self-worth was being stripped from me. And it hurt. In the end, all I had left was the core of who I am deep inside where only God sees.

But what I found at that core was faith. The irrevocable, unchanging knowledge that no matter what anyone else might think or say about me, nothing I could do would make God love me any more than he already did. Nothing! And all he wanted from me in return was for me to simply "be" the person he created me to be.

That's a scary thing to do. To rely on who we are, to accept and nourish the desires we have at the core of our being, and to build from them.

But that's what I did. I trusted that God had made me the way he wanted me. And by pinning all my hope on God's ability to use me exactly as I am, I became stronger than ever before.

Later, in the fall of 2006, by going back to the desires of my heart and writing what was there, I completed my second mystery for adults. It's coming out in May, and I'm trusting God to use it for his purposes.

And now, as I look at 2007, even though there's one more candle on my cake, and the sand is gushing by, there's no panic in my heart. Only the knowledge that, even though the list of things I want to accomplish is still way too long, everything will be okay. None of us knows how much time we'll have. My blog here on January 2nd effectively illustrated that. But God knows. And if I stay close to him, and listen to his voice and work with the desires he has placed in my heart, I need never feel panicky again.

Finding Hope in the Midst of the Pain - Lindquist

This morning, the headline on the Toronto Star's front page tells of the first local homicide of 2007. A woman named Jean Springer who was shot as she answered her front door on New Year's day. Jean, who according to the Star was known to her friends as "Auntie Jeannie," was in her 60's. She was preparing dinner for her family when she answered the door.

A man has been arrested. But a woman's life is gone, and a family is devastated.

According to the Star, "Toronto Mayor David Miller said the shooting 'is a very sobering reminder we simply have to get the guns off our streets.'"

But the most chilling part of the story is that Jean Springer was not a gang member or a nasty person, but a wife, mother, neighbour, and church leader. The Star quotes a neighbour as saying, "Jean realized the way to change people was through a relationship with God, which is why she chose the church as her arena to effect change in her community."

I hate to see 2007 start this way, but unfortunately, it's a continuation of the past year. Throughout 2006, as I read the many sad and frightening headlines announcing wars and rumours of wars, poverty, shootings, disease, and all the other terrible things people do to other people, I often felt overwhelmed by the inexplicable cruelty of people toward other people - even their own family members. I frequently was shocked by how little value some people place on life.

And yet I know that God sees everything. And I believe, as Jean did, that the best way to change our world is by helping people come to a genuine, growing relationship with God. That, and only that, will get the guns off the street.

And I know there is hope even in the midst of the pain.

This Christmas, a non-writer I'm mentoring gave me a set of sticky notes that have on them the following saying by Martin Luther: "If you want to change the world, pick up your pen."

That phrase reminded me of the words Henry Wadsworth Longfellow wrote back in 1864, in his carol, "I Heard the Bells on Christmas Day."

And in despair I bowed my head.
There is no peace on earth, I said,
For hate is strong and mocks the song
of peace on earth, good will to men.
Then pealed the bells more loud and deep:
God is not dead, nor doth He sleep;
The wrong shall fail, the right prevail,
With peace on earth, good will to men.

What a privilege to be able to write words that could impact a complete stranger nearly 150 years after they were written! And the words are just as true today as they were in 1864. God still sees everything, and he will prevail. All is not as it seems.

And what a privilege we writers have today, to send out words God can use. We may never know who will read them and be influenced by them, but we can trust God to see that they accomplish the work he has for them.

And there is so much work still to be done, by everyone else who knows the living God. But if we each do our part, even in the midst of anger and hatred and destruction, we will see change for the better. And one day, the guns will be put down.

God's blessings on you for this new year. May you find the hope that God brings.

N. J.

Article in the Toronto Star.
Complete words to "I Heard the Bells on Christmas Day" here.