Once in a While . . . A Gaze-Raiser by Peter A. Black

My wife and I hadn’t seen her since our son and daughter-in-law’s wedding

Yours Truly & Son no. 2 and His Bride 18 1/2 years ago.

My . . . How time flies! 

Brent and his wife were guests.

eighteen years before. And so, we eagerly looked forward to the brief visit of this young mother and her mom. 

We welcomed the two ladies into our home and the conversation rolled along, as we recalled people we knew from many years before and revived fading memories, with smiles, interjections and occasional laughter.

Once in a while, but likely more often than we realize, we encounter people who, although thrust into intense difficulty and swept into a maelstrom of tragedy, grief and loss, demonstrate a remarkable degree of resilience and grace.

People such as these trigger the arching of eyebrows, they raise our gaze – at least they do mine – and set our hearts warmly aglow!

Our visiting young mom is one of them. Her mother, who faces challenges of her own, sheds a similar light. 

The younger woman is the wife of Brent Austin, whom I wrote about earlier this fall (“The Difference – a Tiny Moment” – Oct. 2/18). He was killed when he and his fellow motorcyclist friend collided with an SUV that cut across them without warning, in August. Brent’s biking buddy survived and is now out of hospital and thoroughly engaged in extensive therapy, on a lengthy rehabilitative road towards recovery.

It wouldn’t be prudent of me to share names and personal details of this intrepid lady and her two school-age sons and the intricacies of the frustrations and uncertainties that crowd her life as she navigates insurance and legal complexities. 

However, I have the liberty to share these thoughts and observations with you, in hope that they may inspire and encourage you.

Brent’s wife now shoulders the responsibility of being a single mom in the workforce, while raising a young family and caring for her senior mother – enough to overwhelm many of us. How does she do it? 

Our friend continues to push through her personal sorrow and generously opens up to trusted friends, while teaching her boys by example to take the high road in praying for the driver of the vehicle that initiated the accident. 

Photo Credit: kuusamo | ruka.fi

In demonstrating understanding, gratitude and grace, 

she leans into the grieving process, without being incapacitated by it.

It’s as though, with paddle firmly grasped and leaning into the pain, she shoots the rapids and steers through the swirling currents.

The words Faith, Hope, and Love didn’t surface in our conversation. And yet, this great trio of enduring spiritual virtues and grace are in action in this family. The apostle Paul said that the greatest of these three is Love (Cp. 1 Corinthians 13:13). 

Brent’s wife understands that the loss of her husband is not only hers, but her sons’ loss, too . . . a loss to the couple’s longstanding friends also. Love enables her to be others-centred, making room for them to be themselves and not pushing them away. 

First Christmas without husband and daddy?

I don’t know just how Brent’s wife and sons will celebrate this first Christmas without his engaging, cheerful presence and warm-hearted hugs. He will be sorely missed. 

And yet, I am sure that they will celebrate the birth of our Lord Jesus and also exchange stories of good times, of Christmases past with Brent. And, in those moments they may even feel as though he’s there with them. We do know that the Lord is close to those who have a broken heart and who honour Him (Ref. Psalm 34:18, 19).

How do you and I deal with our disappointments and sorrows? How do we push through our times of sorrow while continuing to be open and accessible to others?  

A blessed and joyful Christmas to you and your loved ones 

and a safe arrival into the New Year.

~~+~~

Peter is a retired pastor – well, sort of retired – and lives in Southwestern Ontario with his wife, May. He writes a weekly inspirational newspaper column and occasional magazine articles. Peter is author of  two books: "Parables from the Pond," and "Raise Your Gaze . . . Mindful Musings of a Grateful Heart." –He and May are engaged in leading nursing home / residential chapel services and music.