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I am convinced that
love is the greatest force in the world. It transforms our lives, when we wield
it effectively.
With February comes Valentine’s day, when we express our love
to those we cherish.
The
love I refer to is much more than the warm fuzzy Hallmark feeling we sometimes conjure
up when we speak of love. It is also
greater than the physical expression we call love. This brings pleasure and
satisfaction, but is only a part of the larger relationship encompassed in the
word love.
In
our limited understanding of love, we often mistake a part for the whole. Perhaps
the sandbox is an appropriate metaphor for this. My granddaughters love playing in the large sandbox
in their front yard. If, however for
them the sandbox was on a par with an expansive sandy beach, we would assume
they had never had the opportunity to visit the seaside and experience a real
beach.
When we think that some aspect of
love, like the warm fuzzies or the physical expression of love is the whole
picture we narrow our understanding to sandbox thinking. It may be that we feel
we have never known what it is to experience the beautiful intimacy of a love
relationship where soul is linked with soul in total self-giving and mutual
reception of acceptance. We know the part is not the whole, yet we hold on to
an ideal of a love of this kind and through various means we discover some
aspects of it.
One
of these is learning to speak the love language of someone we love. This concept
has been developed by Gary Chapman, who has a passion for people and for
helping them form lasting relationships.
You
may well be familiar with the five different love languages Chapman has
identified. In using the language that
best communicates love to the person we love, the level of intimacy increases
because we are filling what Chapman calls their love tank. With a low or empty
love tank, it is difficult to nurture a relationship.
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Not only is the knowledge and use
of our partner’s love language useful in our intimate relationships, the
principles apply in many other situations as well. When we want to have healthy
relationships with other people, we will be most successful in developing these
by learning the ways to communicate positive regard to them in the language
they understand. From this kind of relationship possibilities comes my
conviction that love is the greatest power in the world.
Do I
have evidence that the love language makes a difference in relationships? I do. I discovered that the love language
that most fills my love tank is words of affirmation. That is why I have kept
every card and letter that my husband has ever given or sent me from the
beginning of our relationship. His words of affirmation fill my love tank and open
my heart to him.
By
the same token, I have come to understand why he has constantly been doing
things to try and make my life easier from the beginning of our
relationship. He is not trying to score
Brownie points. He is showing me his love language – gifts of service. Now, I realize that he knows that I love him,
when I offer my gifts of service to him.
Putting
into practice what we are learning about the love language of each other is
drawing us closer to one another, because we are expressing our love in a way that
clearly communicates love to each other. What a gift this is! Not only is it
impacting our lives, it is also created a spill over of love from our filled
love tanks into the lives of those around us.
We can see in this the power of love to transform our world. I recommend
learning the love language of your Valentine this year.
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2 comments:
Well, Eleanor, it sounds like you Shepherds are quite the love-birds (smile), and now we know why: you 'speak' the same 'love language'! True. And seriously, thank you for sharing these valuable insights from Gary Chapman's wisdom and from your experience. ~~+~~
Well done, Eleanor. Gary Chapman's book is such an inspiration.
Blessings,
Ed+
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