My friend
arrived at the airport early for her flight from Toronto
to London . She
piled her bags on a cart and headed to a coffee shop for lunch. A woman came up
behind her and asked for directions. A kind person, my friend tried to help.
During the exchange her handbag was snatched from the cart. Her passport,
credit cards, cash, everything she needed for her vacation was missing.
Authorities
explained that she'd been played. As she'd turned to look at the woman asking
for help, another woman had stolen her purse. She felt devastated. Several
phone calls later helpful airline staff had her on the plane. "Don't let
this ruin your plans. Go and enjoy yourself," her husband said. But as she
settled into her seat on the plane, a knot of despair lodged in her chest. How
could I be so stupid? Why didn't I have my purse looped over my shoulder? I
must look naive, that's why these thieves picked on me. This is the story of my
life, always getting picked on. Ugly, self-accusing thoughts rolled
through her mind.
She leaned
back on the headrest. God, help me, she prayed. A thought, quiet but
firm, came into her mind - you need to forgive yourself. She prayed
again, "I do Lord, I do forgive myself. I recognize that anyone can be
taken advantage of." Immediately, self-accusing thoughts stopped, her shame
vanished.
A stolen
purse may rank low on the list of things we need to forgive ourselves for but
the despair my friend felt wasn't much different than the despair we feel over
bigger issues. She hadn’t sinned; a sin was committed against her. Often it isn’t
sin that causes us to accuse ourselves but perceived failures, unwise decisions,
missed opportunities, lack of confidence, unsophisticated social skills and
dozens of other human frailties.
An important step toward
forgiving ourselves is acceptance. We can work on our weaknesses and emphasize our
strengths but we can’t change our personality. Years ago I read a few Christian
books on the four basic temperaments. I found these helpful but not as much as when
I later discovered the more refined Myers-Briggs personality analysis. Results
pegged me as a true introvert. This fact alone settled many anxieties for me.
Understanding our temperament can help us develop a healthy self-respect. It
also gives us an appreciation for other personalities.
Too many Christians spend
too much energy trying to live someone else’s life. “I’ve tried to be quiet and
gentle,” a close friend said, “but it’s just not me. I couldn’t keep it up.” As
a new Christian, she had looked around the church and concluded that the best
Christians were the quiet, gentle ones. She tried on a few personalities before
she realized that God had changed her from a sinner into a saint but He hadn’t
turned her into a completely different personality.
A devoted Christian of more than thirty years recently
confided, “I've tried to be someone other than me as far back as I can
remember, thinking maybe if I was like so and so, I’d be a better me. The other
day, I told God I couldn't do it anymore. He told me He liked the real me.” God-moments like this produce inner changes
that free people to develop deep, personal relationships with Him. Replicating
someone else’s personality is not only dishonest but exhausting.
Another obstacle stands in
the way of self-forgiveness. It’s revealed in this question - “Why
do we hold ourselves to a higher standard than we hold others?” The same believers, who accept major flaws in
others, often deride themselves for minor infractions. Reasons vary. A
personality with a strong tendency toward perfectionism, being first-born in a
large family, taking responsibilities at a young age and pride are possible
answers. God helps each person to answer
this question. (The Birth Order Book by Dr. Kevin Leman, a Christian author and
speaker, has helped many first-borns understand their tendency to hold
themselves to higher standards.)
Harsh preaching causes sensitive believers to
imagine God’s disapproval. Most people possess an enormous capacity to make
themselves miserable without any help from judgmental, condemning sermons. God
enjoys His creation. He takes pleasure in all of it but especially in the
people who are redeemed by the sacrificed life of His own precious Son. We
delight Him, imperfections and all. The Holy Spirit convicts us of sin but once
that sin is confessed there’s no further condemnation. We’re loved (and liked)
by a God who rejoices over us and doesn’t accuse us. (Zephaniah 3:17). We serve
a kind Lord, One aware of our frailties and full of compassion.
When my friend with the stolen purse prayed, she received
immediate release from self-accusing thoughts. God helps us, not only to
forgive others, but ourselves.
****
Rose McCormick Brandon is the author of Promises of Home - Stories of Canada's British Home Children. Visit her website at: http://writingfromtheheart.webs.com. Her blogs: Listening to my Hair Grow and Promises of Home.
2 comments:
Rose, thanks for sharing the story of your friend's distressing experience of the stolen purse and its contents. It is a cautionary account.
Thank you also for the insightful lessons you bring forward. Forgiveness is divine, even when we in sincerity and faith express it towards, and embrace it within, ourselves. ~~+~~
Thanks Peter. We all need at some point to forgive ourselves for past mistakes and sins. So glad God helps us with this.
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